Leaving a 9 month old for a week

[nicoletti]

I am beginning to stress out about leaving my dd for a week. She seems to be going through a huge mama stage and wants to be with me all the time. I am leaving in a month and I am freaking out. We have tried to give her a bottle as right now I am breastfeeding but she just laughs and plays with it. She'll drink a little but not the whole bottle.

She is still waking up in the middle of the night and breastfeeding is the only thing that seems to work to get her back to sleep. I am not big on letting her cry it out and she sleeps in the same room as us as we don't have any other place to put her.

I am freaking out that she (and her dad, grandmother and sister) are all going to be traumatised by my week away. I can't cancel the week and if I take her, I won't be able to attend the event which is the whole reason I am going.

Any thoughts, suggestions?

[corysmilk]

can you bring a babysitter? then you would still be able to nurse her. I don't know where or what your going to? is it a work thing? can you possably just not go? i would think that it would be hard on your child to suddenly be away from you.

[acupuncturemomma]

Hmmm, that's a tough one. My DS is 8.5 months old, and there's no way I'd be ready to leave him for that long, but everyone's different. Heck I haven't ever left my 3.5 year-old for that long! Only you know your child and what feels ok for you both.

eta:
Yes, maybe a babysitter for the event? And then DD is with you for teh week? How long is the event?

[Drummer's Wife]

I think bringing her and someone to stay with her while you attend your event would be best. If she won't take a bottle, and she won't go back to sleep w/o you, it sounds like it would be pretty awful for her and those caring for her. She'd be missing you, essentially weaning cold-turkey, and having to cope at night without the only thing she knows (nursing to sleep) all at once.

I don't mean to sound harsh - but as someone who was hospitalized for three weeks - with four children at home (2 of whim were still nursing and co-sleeping), I wouldn't leave an infant for a week unless I absolutely had to.

[mamadelbosque]

My DS is 9 months old. And I too can not imagine being away from him for a week. Thats a LONG time!! If there is absolutely any way at all you can take him and still attend, I'd do so.... if not, he'll survive and so will you... but IDK. It just sounds like a really long time... I'd make sure to pump while you were gone at least a couple times a day to keep at least some semblance of a supply... and hope and pray that he goes back to nursing when you get back. Good luck!!

[texaspeach]

there's no way would leave my 9 or 10 month old for that long with out a very good reason, especially if he wasn't used to taking milk from a bottle or cup. you're the one that has to decide what a 'very good reason' is, but for me there isn't much that could convince me to be away for that long.

[MammaG]

I couldn't do it! Like pps, I haven't even left my nearly-6-y-o for that long!

Before I had kids, I'd have said it was essential that Mom be able to get away like that for work or vacation, but once I had babies and discovered cosleeping and breastfeeding and all that mama-love, I changed my tune. It can be very difficult to stick to your guns when 'everyone' around you is doing something different and perhaps suggesting that you are too overprotective or clingy or whatever, but your gut is clearly giving you a message and I think you ought to take a few hours, clear your mind, and focus on the issue....visualize either leaving your DC for that long or missing the event and see which route makes you less stressed. Imagine the possible consequences of either action and weigh those carefully.

That's a tough choice. Good luck.

[Quate]

I had to leave my 7 month old for a week. Yes, I did have a very good reason, and no, there wasn't a better solution. It wasn't ideal, but everyone survived just fine. The worst part was pumping full time ... ick. But--my DD went right back to nursing with no issues, other than it took a few days for me to get my supply back up.

You still have a month. Can you try sleeping in another room for a few nights and see if your DH can find ways to get your DD back to sleep? Likewise for the bottle--who gives it to her? How hungry is she when she gets it? Definitely have your DH try when you're not around. You could also keep experimenting--give it to her when she's more or less hungry, try a different bottle, try it in a cup, and so on. If your DD is a comfort nurser, it could just be that she isn't particularly hungry. (My DD freaked out about the bottle the first time around, the next few times she looked skeptical but drank it, and after that was fine.) You might actually ask a lactation consultant if you know of one--they work with moms who are pumping and moms who need to supplement, so I imagine they would have some suggestions about getting a baby to take a bottle.

[nicoletti]

I am going for a very good reason (in my mind). My brother is singing at Carnegie Hall. My father died suddenly last Spring and (obviously) it has been an extremely hard year for my mother, sister, brother and I. We are all going to NY to see my brother perform.

I would feel even weirder leaving her with a stranger in NY, I did think about it but the idea of leaving her with a stranger makes me even more upset.

I have every intention of pumping while gone and returning to breastfeeding when I come back.

What is even harder is watching my husband trying to cope with his youngest not wanting to go to him. I know this is a stage that every baby goes through but she seems even more of a mama's girl than my first. I think she is also teething (she has 4 teeth) again something that my first never did until she was almost 18 months old.

Thanks for the support. If anyone can think of anything else or have done this I would appreciate the help.

[sugarpop]

can you take a babysitter with you? I have an month old, who is also going through a mama's girl phase. DH can't calm her or make her stop crying, she cries when he picks her up and he loves her SO much. I left her for 2 hours the other day. We have tried bottles and she thinks they are a toy not for drinking! I can't imagine going away either. I know many hotels actually have experienced well referenced nanny's on site. Would you be comfortable with that? I would be more comfortable leaving her for a few hours with a stranger than a week and being unsure...but that is me.

Or maybe you can find a mama here on mothering that you can be comfortable with? She flys for free so this is something you can still
consider.

ETA: oh I thought you said next week, next month still gives you time..she may get over the phase and teething might improve.
Sorry I know most of this advice isn't what you wanted to hear and regardless of what you do I hope it works out for you DD and you.

[mambera]

Are you sure you can't have a family member accompany you? That's what I've done when I've had to take trips: DD and DH come with. You mentioned dad and grandma - would either of them be willing/interested to come on the trip? They could babysit your DD for the duration of the performance and then you wouldn't need to be separated from her for the whole week.

(And, congrats to your brother on the Carnegie Hall gig! That's amazing!)

[beep]

How about going for just a couple of days? Enough time to see your brother, but much less time to be separated from your little one.

If it were me, though, I think I would rather leave the baby with a strange nanny from a reputable agency for four hours than be apart for a whole week. You could even pay for some extra time and spend the first hour with the two of them to make sure you were comfortable with the babysitter's vibe.