Age appropraite household 'chores'?

[sattygirl99]

Okay so I never thought I would be one to do this... BUT my kids are showing no respect for the house AND I'm about to become a single mom of (soon to be) 3 when my DH leaves for the military... I will be hugely pregnant (DH should be leaving in July when I'll be around 28 weeks pregnant and gone until well after the baby comes). so I NEED my kids to stop trashing my house and then leaving it all for me to clean up at the end of the night. DS, at the very least, is old enough to understand cleaning up and being helpful and I need to work on this!

My kids can literally trash my home in 15 min and I'm kind of tired of it! So I'm thinking if I can give them 'chores' aside from 'pick up the toys', maybe they will learn to appreciate the home and our things. I don't remember what my mom had us doing at this age but I know a lot of moms give their kids things to do to help and learn responsibility.

My son is 4 and my daughter is 16 months (#3 is baking). I don't expect my youngest to do a ton, but am looking for any age appropriate 'duties' to give them!

Help? Thanks!

[AFWife]

Your 4 year old can set a table if you give him the pieces one by one. He can also clear his own place after meals. He could probably sweep the floor and, if you have a small "handy vac" thing, vacuum up his own messes. He can bring his dirty clothes to be washed and help pull things from the dryer to the basket to be folded. He could probably put away some of his own clothes too.

Your daughter can dust low surfaces if given a damp cloth. I've been teaching my son (13mo) how to turn on the dishwasher (we use those soap packets).


I know it sounds like I'm dictating and I dont mean to...I know a 4 year old that does all of these things and a 2 year old that is hot on her heels. Their parents are sticklers about the girls helping with the house...

[waiting2bemommy]

ds is 2.5 and does lots of chores/housework

help do laundry (I sort the clothes or at least check behind him, he's not very good at it yet) he loads the washing machine, then when it is done I unload and he loads/unloads the dryer. I fold and he puts away, except for his own clothes which he mostly "folds" himself.

he can wash nonbreakable dishes (standing on a chair) but he always splashes so I don't have him do that very often.

he wipes the kitchen chairs and washes the floor in the kitchen with rag and bucket (supervised because he's not strong enough to wring the rag out well yet) I clean the counters and the table.

of course he cleans his own room (pick up toys, throw away trash, put dirty clothes in the hamper)

he cares for his pet hamster (feed/water and change litter, with help)

when I sweep he holds the dustpan.

he collects the trash out of the bedrooms/bathroom and dumps them in the big can in the kitchen.

that's all I can think of right now. He doesn't clean the bathroom yet; I do that myself when the kids are sleeping or otherwise occupied. oh---he windexes the storm door. i still have to go behind him, but at least he is learning how to do it.

The way I was raised everyone who lives in the house is responsible for helping keep it up. That includes children, even very young ones. Ds doesn't always want to help, but imo it is important for him to understand that he needs to participate in keeping the house nice and it isn't just mom's job.

[sattygirl99]

Thanks ladies!!!

I just know I'm going to need help when DH is gone and I figure it they're big enough to trash the house with toys and papers, they are big enough to help clean up and take care of the house too!

My kids love to vaccuum so I'm thinking about getting a smaller, lighter weight bag less vaccuum (thinking of myself too, our vaccuum is heavy and big and I am going to be really hugely pregnant, lol) so that DS could vaccuum. We have a swivel sweeper that they use now (but they fight over it and it doesn't pick up well enough) but I figure DD could use that one and DS could use the bigger vaccuum. It won't be perfect, but it would still be a huge help.

I was also wondering if anyone has their littles clean the tub while they're in the bath? We don't use chemicals anyway (just baking soda or vinegar) but they love to clean things with a rag. Would that be bad of me to hand them a spray bottle and have them 'clean' with a little baking soda water?

I'm going to work with DS on helping with the laundry. He always wants to help but then gets frustrated because he doesn't do it 'right'. He's learning his colors so maybe I can teach him to sort clothes (we don't sort much other than whites in one, anything else in another since we wash on cold) and get the clothes from the dryer and carry a small basket in... In fact, I think I have some with handles too!

What about putting away things like utensils? If I sat them all on the counter and he stood on his stool, he can reach the drawer. We keep the sharp knives in a block so it wouldn't be that stuff, just forks, butters knives, etc.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by sattygirl99

Thanks ladies!!!

I just know I'm going to need help when DH is gone and I figure it they're big enough to trash the house with toys and papers, they are big enough to help clean up and take care of the house too!

My kids love to vaccuum so I'm thinking about getting a smaller, lighter weight bag less vaccuum (thinking of myself too, our vaccuum is heavy and big and I am going to be really hugely pregnant, lol) so that DS could vaccuum. We have a swivel sweeper that they use now (but they fight over it and it doesn't pick up well enough) but I figure DD could use that one and DS could use the bigger vaccuum. It won't be perfect, but it would still be a huge help.

I was also wondering if anyone has their littles clean the tub while they're in the bath? We don't use chemicals anyway (just baking soda or vinegar) but they love to clean things with a rag. Would that be bad of me to hand them a spray bottle and have them 'clean' with a little baking soda water?

I'm going to work with DS on helping with the laundry. He always wants to help but then gets frustrated because he doesn't do it 'right'. He's learning his colors so maybe I can teach him to sort clothes (we don't sort much other than whites in one, anything else in another since we wash on cold) and get the clothes from the dryer and carry a small basket in... In fact, I think I have some with handles too!

What about putting away things like utensils? If I sat them all on the counter and he stood on his stool, he can reach the drawer. We keep the sharp knives in a block so it wouldn't be that stuff, just forks, butters knives, etc.

All of these sound like great ideas! You know your kids better than we do so YOU know what they're capable of! If they'd enjoy stripping naked and sliding around the tub while scrubbing it clean then I say go for it! I'm not going to think you're harsh for wanting your kids to help out. I think he can totally help out with the utensils as well.

My friend (that I mentioned earlier) keeps her daughters' placemats and dishes in a low drawer for them to get when it's time to eat. They take turns "setting the table" for each of their meals. The other will clean up (put the placemats back) after they eat.

If you like, I can ask her for a list of their chores and get back to you...one of them is almost 3 and one is 5 or 6...so a bit of an age difference. But it could spark some ideas!

[sattygirl99]

I answered my own question on the utensils and had him do that while I re-organized the cabinets and put the rest of the away... He did great! Though he did say 'mommy, I'm not supposed to touch knifes'... I told him it's OK if he's putting away the dishes and I'm right with him for him to touch those knives (I took the steak knives out first, lol).

[sattygirl99]

That would be great! I don't remember what my mom had us doing when we were little... But I'm even thinking that DS (DD probably could do this too but more accuracy with DS) could use the swiffer wet jet (I have to figure out my own solution though, lol) on the kitchen and bathroom floor. DS is usually pretty willing to comply... I suppose I just worry that some people will think I'm using my kids as laborers! I was never one to believe much in chores when they're this little but I'm seeing it really can help them get a sense of responsibility and they can learn along the way.

We haven't talked much with our kids about the changes that are coming (we still have some time) but I know that one thing that needs to happen before DH leaves is the kids helping, at the very minimum, with the mess THEY make. I'm already having trouble getting down to pick up the toys (getting the trash out to the curb is going to be loads of fun!) and I'm only 22 weeks. In another 10 weeks, I don't see much of that being possible so whatever the littles can do (since it's more their height anyway, lol) to assist, even if it's not perfect, will be huge. And well... They (especially DS, DD will follow if DS does it) need to learn to respect their things and home!

Thanks ladies! I'm glad to know I'm not alone in wanting (and needing) my kids to help out. I kind of felt guilty thinking I'm robbing them of being kids by having them help me throughout the day as they are pretty young. Though they seemed to enjoy putting dishes away... DD even put away the cooking spoons, she kept signing for more but I was out of stuff she could put away, lol.

[ASusan]

Something that hasn't been mentioned on this thread is to get your DH to help establish a chore/helping routine before he leaves. It will help model what men do in the house (everything that a woman does, I know! But seeing Daddy do it is a big incentive for DS to do things in our house) AND "tell" your children when to do things. Start now, and by the time your DH leaves, it will be a part of the family routine. (And the psychologists tell us that routine is beneficial for families going through change - like a father leaving for a tour of duty or the birth of a new child.)

For example, for 15 minutes after dinner, everyone helps. You could have assigned chores during this period, or it could be just doing what needs to be done at the moment. Kitchen clean-up, toy clean-up, floors swept, perhaps laundry brought upstairs - the basics of putting the house in order at the end of the day in preparation for the next day.

[aprons_and_acorns]

This is a very encouraging thread! I need to get way better about expecting the whole family to contribute to the household chores. DS is five so not a toddler any more but I saw this post on the front page and I'm so glad I clicked over.

Any ideas on handling a negative attitude with regards to housework? Sometimes the least little task--putting dirty clothes in the hamper, shoes in the coat closet, dishes to the sink, etc-- will just set off the grumping and protesting. When he was younger he loved to help, now that his competency isn't fun and novel anymore its like pulling teeth!

[AFWife]

OP I'm PMing you something too...

Originally Posted by aprons_and_acorns

Any ideas on handling a negative attitude with regards to housework? Sometimes the least little task--putting dirty clothes in the hamper, shoes in the coat closet, dishes to the sink, etc-- will just set off the grumping and protesting. When he was younger he loved to help, now that his competency isn't fun and novel anymore its like pulling teeth!

Remind him that if you don't take care of the house it won't run properly. Also, set aside time to spend playing with him during the day...and remind him that if he helps with the chores you have that free time, but if he doesn't then you have to take time to do them instead.

[Baby_Cakes]

My 19 mo can sweep up crumbs/cereal with the dustpan and little broom. She can also put things in the trash, so I'll make a pile or fill a container with trash and tell her, "go put this in the trash, carry it carefully, don't spill." She's more than happy to help out in these little ways and it keeps her busy so I can tackle the bigger things.

[physmom]

Ok, i have no clue about a 4 year old but I also have a 16 month old. We were also really struggling with this with just 1 kid and what has helped a lot is really weed out her toys and only leave a few out at a time. Then there's less to pick up and she notices them more!

Anything with a rag/wiping up goes well. She LOVES sweeping too (she can't do it well, though) but we try and give her opportunities to practice. Lately, I've been working on her to teach her how to pick up things. She dumped a bunch of raisins on the floor today so I showed her how to pick them up and put them into my hand and kept asking if she would please help mommy. She eventually got it and picked up the rest of the remaining raisins (and then tried to throw some more on the floor so she could do it again! Baby steps, right? ).

Anyways, I'm a firm believer that kids need to help out around the house (especially since they are so good at making messes!). The book Our Kids, Ourselves has some theories in it about how childhood evolved to be so long because there was an evolutionary advantage for having kids living at home so long (basically that they would help out with domestic chores, child rearing etc) and in turn they'd learn the skills they needed for their own lives. I think a lot of it can be made fun by turning things into a game (how quick can you pick up the raisins, can you get it done before mom? etc.). It's far from perfect here but we're seeing small improvements in DD and it's made a world of difference. Now she'll even get upset if I don't make the bed soon enough!

ETA: DH travels a lot for work too, so hugs on that! It's so hard, but after surviving this latest trip of his, I'm sure you'll feel like you can accomplish anything, good luck!!!

[blizzard_babe]

DS just turned two and LOVES LOVES LOVES throw things in the trash, and has for quite a while. He also likes to pick up his toys, but gets distracted ("oh, the dump truck goes in the toybox but HUH, I want to play with the dump truck..." *sits down and plays with dump truck for a half hour*) so it requires a lot of direction. He LOVES to put clothes in the washing machine (we have a front-loader, so it's much more accessible to him than me ). He likes to wipe off surfaces with a washcloth, help me move all the chairs out of the way so I can vacuum, "help" DH wash dishes (DH washes them, he hands them to DS who is standing on his chair, who places them in the sink to be rinsed). We've built up to all this, but DS gets a total kick out of it. He likes to sweep, but it's kind of counter-productive .

Looking at what I just wrote... DS is quite the little helper man .

[lyra1977]

My DD "helps" me with lots of chores because she wants to do everything I do. Her help actual slows the process, but that's the nature of teaching a little one. I'm just saying this because the OP sounds like she needs help more than she needs "helpers," KWIM? I definitely think that the key is to put a lot of toys and things away and tell them that if they can keep the few toys picked up off the floor then you'll gradually add the other toys back. The 3 year old can definitely understand you when you say "anything left on the floor when you go to bed will be put away for a week, so if you like your toys make sure you pick them up." Good luck, my dad and brother are both military so I feel you. My brother is Navy and my SIL is expecting twins due in the fall...his next deployment will be a doozy for her.

[aprons_and_acorns]

Originally Posted by AFWife

Remind him that if you don't take care of the house it won't run properly. Also, set aside time to spend playing with him during the day...and remind him that if he helps with the chores you have that free time, but if he doesn't then you have to take time to do them instead.

This is good common sense advice, I will definitely use it. Thank you.

[sattygirl99]

Originally Posted by ASusan

Something that hasn't been mentioned on this thread is to get your DH to help establish a chore/helping routine before he leaves. It will help model what men do in the house (everything that a woman does, I know! But seeing Daddy do it is a big incentive for DS to do things in our house) AND "tell" your children when to do things. Start now, and by the time your DH leaves, it will be a part of the family routine. (And the psychologists tell us that routine is beneficial for families going through change - like a father leaving for a tour of duty or the birth of a new child.)

For example, for 15 minutes after dinner, everyone helps. You could have assigned chores during this period, or it could be just doing what needs to be done at the moment. Kitchen clean-up, toy clean-up, floors swept, perhaps laundry brought upstairs - the basics of putting the house in order at the end of the day in preparation for the next day.

With DH's work schedules, he isn't home enough consistently for him to really 'model' it for the kids. He works 80 hours a week, both overnight shift and part time days... He does this on the weekend (the one day it's home with us all day without sleep interupting) but he's not home enough to set a pattern for them follow

[sattygirl99]

I suppose it's what they're helping with... It actually did help having him put away the untensils while I put away the plates. It didn't save a ton of time but he's learning and it helped a bit. He could probably wipe down the counters while I load the dishwasher at night. It certainly won't be perfect but it's help.ful Same with the thought of letting them clean in the tub with baking soda water while they're already in it... They'd probably do a better job of it than the preggo who can't see her feet, lol!

DS is also very good at vaccuuming too, which is a help because they're messy little kids!

Now DD on the other hand tends to slow me down. But she's good if I hand her a bucket or bag of stuff to throw away, she'll do it and she'll pick up what I ask her.

I think even if it was 'OK, its time for bed, clean up your toys while I load the dishes' saves time and teaches them to respect their things. By the end of the night (ha! mid day), I'm beat and tend to pass out without getting things picked up and put away. So while I see what you're saying, if they have their own task while I tend to something else, it's not really slowing me down in my eyes. Now, trying to have my 4 yr old help me unload the diswasher (thanks grandma) slowed me down... as in the plates and such. Grandma does that with him and ya know, it's great for her but (ducks) I don't have time to take 20 min to unload it when it would have taken me 10 alone.

Just my thoughts

[mumm]

I'm not sure that chores at this age are actually very "helpful" kwim? I think it just sets the stage.

My almost 3 year olds- sort clean laundry(pile of napkins, dish towels, face cloths, socks, etc) and put small bits of laundry away. (Face cloths, napkins, some of their clothes). They can set parts of the table, clear the table, collect the chickens, pick up toys that don't need to be sorted, etc They pick up dropped clothes pins, empty the dishwasher handing the items to me. All of these things can be done more efficiently by someone else but I think it sets them up for feeling like the family is a team and that their contributions are necessary and valued.

[Pippi L.]

My 2.5 year old "helps" with dishes (mostly she plays with the non-breakables in soapy water, but it keeps her occupied while I wash and often for 15-20 minutes after I'm done), puts away her shoes when she comes in the apartment, takes things to the trash, and sets the cutlery on the table. She used to hang the diaper wipes when we did laundry but now that she's potty trained she doesn't have that job anymore -- and boy does she miss it! We need to work on cleaning her room together rather than me doing it while she's otherwise occupied.

I'm sure your four-year-old can do a lot. Your 16 month old probably can only do a few little things, but get them involved early is never a bad idea!

Good luck!

[AFWife]

I emailed my friend. Her kids are 3 and 6...their chores are as follows:

Daily:
- make beds (the 3 year old needs help)
- bring clothes to be washed
- set and clear table for each meal
- pick up toys

Weekly:
- sweep and mop their rooms (hardwood floors) This takes a quite a bit of direction on mom's part.
- Gather trash from house


They also get a weekly allowance for these. They're also given the chance to do extra chores for additional allowance...stuff like cleaning the bathroom sink, counters, toilet, and floors, folding laundry, and putting away the dishes.


I hope this helps!