Originally Posted by hipumpkins
Allyrae, you are right. This thread was never intended to prove the right wrongness of my behavior b/c actually everything was handled fine. My daughter didn't escalate in crying. He called out the rule she started crying b/c she is VERY sensitive. (One of her many issues that led us to unschooling thank you very much) Maybe you think she overreacted but that is really not anyone's concern but mine and hers . The point of the thread was..Why can't he just let them have fun??? why did he even have to make up this rule to claim as serious skaters when we have been over it with him.
It was the manipulation of his words that I am complaining about. Not the helmet rule. I don't care about the rule.
I was like this as a kid. And it wasn't because i couldn't accept authority, it was because i COULD and did. I can remember a riding instructor telling me in front of the whole group that if i couldn't "canter correctly" (i'd learned on friends ponies in fields and though i had a good seat i was NOT a neat-and-tidy rider at 8!) i'd have to go back on the lead rope "for my own safety". Not a single child in that class could canter at all, let alone "correctly" (i was bumping a little, in the UK so riding english, on a horse i'd never ridden before in a school i'd never ridden in before with a teacher i'd never met before) and NONE of them was on a lead rein, since we could all go and stop at walk and trot safely.
I was DEVASTATED. She was punishing me because of HER expectations, which were based on her experiences of seeing kids who had never ridden a non-school horse and had been taught every second they were in the saddle, were unmet in me, and also, i think, because she'd commented to my mother that i had a "great seat" when i first rode in, and she felt stupid that i didn't prove to be the perfect rider she was expecting...? I can remember how humiliated and confused i felt even now. I really respected her, because she was my teacher, and she basically said "because you haven't lived up to my expectation today you are a baby who cannot ride properly at all". In the event she let me have "one more chance" to "prove" i could ride and i managed a nifty (but probably messy!) flying change the next time i cantered, which shut her up, but i still felt badly about it and went back to the fields where riding was fun for another 2 years.
I don't think it's your unschooling mindset, because i'm not an unschooler or even planning to be a homeschooler, and i still think that there is way too much emphasis on success in every activity for everyone, children and adults, nowadays. It's like we can't just DO anything - either you're not good at it, so why waste your time and the teacher's, or you could be amazing so why aren't you working harder?! I was somewhat gifted as a child (but got caught up with by most peers when i went to university) and i LOVE to run. I am terrible! If i train consistently i can run 10min/miles. That is s-l-o-w, but you know, it's fun, and i like it. I hope to teach my kids that it's ok to excel at being happy with your achievements, without those achievements having to be Olympic standard.