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Maybe it's my unschooling metallity that I just don't get this UPDATE in 67 He called - Page 4

post #61 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by WCM View Post
That's your opinion. And I too, as an adult, would not be too irked, or I could accept their POV, it's their restaurant.

But we are talking about kids, who are learning to roll with things like this. And the first part of being able to move on from such an upset, is being heard.
??? Of course it is my opinion, I was the one who posted it.

Being heard doesn't require the parent to work themselves up to a state of anger to the point where they are having to post vents online. That's something totally different than being heard.
post #62 of 99
[QUOTE=midnightwriter;15423765]Those of us with sensitive children know that it is not an either or situation. It is not like we just "let" them cry for 15 min instead of talking to them.

I'd say all of the same things to my DD, and we can talk about compromises and what not, but this doesn't mean that she would not cry. There's nothing wrong with crying when one is upset. It is an expression of one's emotions. And since when 15 min of crying ruins the rest of the day? [QUOTE]

I believe the poster said the requirement that she wear the helment "sucked the joy" from the day.

I have a deeply sensitive child and it is based on that experience that I am posting. Some kids need help being more flexible, seeing other points of view, finding compromises, and in learning when it is time to move on and still find a way to make a situation work.
post #63 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
No it's not. It's like you are attending cooking class and got used to hanging out painting with pudding after class in the public pudding painting area and your teacher approached you and said if you were going to do that rather than practice beating egg-whites you were going to have to wear the little-kid-who-can't-be-trusted-yet apron instead of the regular apron everyone else, cookery class patrons and general pudding-painting public alike, were wearing. As an adult that would irritate me pretty severely. As a kid it would have made me cry.
The teacher did not call the girls babies. He didn't insult them. He said that the activity required helmets from this point forward. If the cooking class teacher wants to say plastic aprons are required for pudding painters that would be fine with me too. Seriously, life has to be rough if you go around "seriously irritated" about every time something gets changed or doesn't go your way.
post #64 of 99
Today I had to have a very difficult conversation with one of my employees wherein I had to try to explain to her that customers (ie. our authority figures) are not always logical and fair. I really wish her parents had had this discussion with her when she was 7 and that she had a lifetime of practice to get used to this idea.
post #65 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
Today I had to have a very difficult conversation with one of my employees wherein I had to try to explain to her that customers (ie. our authority figures) are not always logical and fair. I really wish her parents had had this discussion with her when she was 7 and that she had a lifetime of practice to get used to this idea.
Was your employee was having a problem with a customer while she was off duty from work?

And it seems to me that the OP's dd is the customer.
post #66 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
The teacher did not call the girls babies. He didn't insult them. He said that the activity required helmets from this point forward. If the cooking class teacher wants to say plastic aprons are required for pudding painters that would be fine with me too. Seriously, life has to be rough if you go around "seriously irritated" about every time something gets changed or doesn't go your way.
No, he told them during PUBLIC skate time, not class time, that unless they were going to practice their skating in a way HE approved of they would have to wear safety equipment which the OP has stated is reserved only for the youngest and newest children in the beginner class, which these children are no longer even in. Safety equipment he then ADMITTED to the OP is totally unnecessary but that he threatened them with in order to try to manipulate them into practising skating in a way he approves of.

If everyone on the ice was wearing a helmet then yes, your plastic aprons for pudding painters analogy would work.
post #67 of 99
Thread Starter 

Update He called me

The teacher called my house and explained that no toys would be allowed on the ice as per the office. I am FINE with that. He said he thought telling the girls in the way he did would make that want to be serious skaters but he meant it in fun way.
I told him I was fine with no toys on the ice but it would have easier if he just said that to them and sated it was from the office b/c that is much easier to explain that some odd rule.
He did apologize and it was sincere saying, "I did go about it the wrong way"

I reiterated that we are only there for fun ad he said he actually really likes teaching our kids b/c of the no pressure and he left teaching kids headed to higher ground (nationals and such)b/c he didn't enjoy it
So we are back at a common ground. At the end of the lessons I have paid for I will reevaluate my daughters wants in continuing to skate with him or switch to another teacher.
BTW, most of the people who just can't seem understand my issue have really turned into this way more of an event than it was.
Talk about being inflexible.
post #68 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins View Post
The teacher called my house and explained that no toys would be allowed on the ice as per the office. I am FINE with that. He said he thought telling the girls in the way he did would make that want to be serious skaters but he meant it in fun way.
I told him I was fine with no toys on the ice but it would have easier if he just said that to them and sated it was from the office b/c that is much easier to explain that some odd rule.
He did apologize and it was sincere saying, "I did go about it the wrong way"

I reiterated that we are only there for fun ad he said he actually really likes teaching our kids b/c of the no pressure and he left teaching kids headed to higher ground (nationals and such)b/c he didn't enjoy it
So we are back at a common ground. At the end of the lessons I have paid for I will reevaluate my daughters wants in continuing to skate with him or switch to another teacher.
BTW, most of the people who just can't seem understand my issue have really turned into this way more of an event than it was.
Talk about being inflexible.
awesome update! I'm glad you had a good conversation with the coach.
post #69 of 99
I'm impressed with the coach for calling. Glad it worked out.
post #70 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
I'm impressed with the coach for calling. Glad it worked out.
Me too.
post #71 of 99
It is good he called. It sounds like there was just a misunderstanding and being really angry was perhaps an overreaction, no?
post #72 of 99
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar View Post
It is good he called. It sounds like there was just a misunderstanding and being really angry was perhaps an overreaction, no?
Roar I really think you can't hear me. I was not ever fighting with him. I was angry with the idea that kids sports have turned everything into competing that things can't just be fun. The only reason the helmet thing was angering me was b/c he was using it as manipulation so no there never was a misunderstanding. he as much admitted he was manipulating them but he felt his intentions were good.
I was angry when I posted yes. Yes And no I don't think I was wriong in feeling that way.
this thread went in the wrong direction b/c people wanted to tell me how I should have reacted. I NEVER once fought with that man. I asked him as someone who knows about skating if skating in tipped over position made it more unsafe and that was the the helmet rule. He said no.
As an adult i emailed him a very nice letter talking about what happend and my expectations of the class. He called me and we worked it out.
So yes I am able to move from angry to forgiving and moving on and even not lashing out and removing my daughter.
All handled in my opinion appropriately. Hopefully my daughter can still grow into a responsible adult somehow with me as her mother who allows her to cry .
post #73 of 99
Glad to hear the update, too!
post #74 of 99
Whew! I just read the whole thread. I'm glad everything worked out okay in the end.

I do think the teacher handled things poorly in the beginning, but you know that old saying about everything looking like a nail when your only tool is a hammer? It sounds like he spent many years coaching "serious" skaters and is having trouble figuring out how to use the rest of his toolbox. It's unfortunate that the OP's DD had to be one of his guinea pigs, though.

One thing that comes to mind, and this is directed at nobody in particular, is that (in unschooling circles) I frequently hear about meeting a child's needs. I think, sometimes, needs and wants get mixed up. I'm all about meeting my kids' needs, but they don't get everything they want. Nobody does.
post #75 of 99
OP so glad to hear that things worked out, and both you, your DD and the instructor all communicated well. Sounds like you handled it exactly how the situation called for and neither your DD nor your relationship with your instructor was harmed in any way, but rather both parties appreciated your actions and your instructor appreciated where you were coming from.

And kudos for your patience with this thread. I've been amazed at the tangent it went off on.
post #76 of 99
n/m
I hope that your child has been spared a head injury or concussion, and that she continues to enjoy skating.
post #77 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
I'm impressed with the coach for calling. Glad it worked out.
So am I! SCORE!!!!!
post #78 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins View Post
The teacher called my house and explained that no toys would be allowed on the ice as per the office. I am FINE with that. He said he thought telling the girls in the way he did would make that want to be serious skaters but he meant it in fun way.
I told him I was fine with no toys on the ice but it would have easier if he just said that to them and sated it was from the office b/c that is much easier to explain that some odd rule.
He did apologize and it was sincere saying, "I did go about it the wrong way"

I reiterated that we are only there for fun ad he said he actually really likes teaching our kids b/c of the no pressure and he left teaching kids headed to higher ground (nationals and such)b/c he didn't enjoy it
So we are back at a common ground.
I'm so glad he called you. It sounds like he learned something and that he is not afraid to admit he did something wrong. Those are good qualities.

I wanted to clarify something I wrote earlier in the thread though because I really dislike the way I phrased it. I said that I'd probably just assume it was about safety and tell my child that and that sounds like I meant "oh I'd just think the best of the coach's intentions and tell my kid it was about safety whether it really was or not".

What I did mean is that it probably wouldn't even occur to me that it wasn't about safety but that's because I was basing this on my experiences with my son's activities which have thus far been pressure-free. His swim coach is strict about safety, but not manipulative. After the lessons, he is happy to see kids playing and enjoying being in the water. He sometimes gives a play break during the lesson too.

It was a moot point anyway since you had asked him and he said it wasn't a safety issue, but since people kept bringing up safety I wanted to say to those PPs, as someone who completely agreed with you, that it would have been my first thought too. I guess I just wanted to say, Well just because we're unschoolers doesn't mean we don't think about safety! (and to add that you had already said that wasn't the issue)
But I think it might have come across as another post telling you what you should have done.

This pressure on kids does concern me as I seek out opportunities for activities that my son is asking for. It's one reason that we plan to try a soccer class (which the website emphasizes is to learn and have fun) rather than the local team.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiandmoi View Post
Today I had to have a very difficult conversation with one of my employees wherein I had to try to explain to her that customers (ie. our authority figures) are not always logical and fair. I really wish her parents had had this discussion with her when she was 7 and that she had a lifetime of practice to get used to this idea.
Are you saying that this employee grew up being heard, validated, trusted, respected and not only accepted, but celebrated, for who she is and this is the result? Did you know her when she was 7 and know what kind of discussions she had with her parents? I mean I could say the same thing, that I wish when she was 7 she had been validated and comforted when someone wasn't logical or fair so she would know she had options and could choose how she wanted to deal with people like that in a way that was in line with both her principles and her own objectives (such as keeping her job or helping someone even if they are unpleasant).
post #79 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by hipumpkins View Post
The teacher called my house and explained that no toys would be allowed on the ice as per the office. I am FINE with that. He said he thought telling the girls in the way he did would make that want to be serious skaters but he meant it in fun way.
I told him I was fine with no toys on the ice but it would have easier if he just said that to them and sated it was from the office b/c that is much easier to explain that some odd rule.
He did apologize and it was sincere saying, "I did go about it the wrong way"

I reiterated that we are only there for fun ad he said he actually really likes teaching our kids b/c of the no pressure and he left teaching kids headed to higher ground (nationals and such)b/c he didn't enjoy it
So we are back at a common ground. At the end of the lessons I have paid for I will reevaluate my daughters wants in continuing to skate with him or switch to another teacher.
BTW, most of the people who just can't seem understand my issue have really turned into this way more of an event than it was.
Talk about being inflexible.
Glad there was a sensible reason.
Guess the dolls can do their skating on tables on the side lines and then watch the girls skate?
post #80 of 99
Oh, no, wait, there still isn't a sensible reason for them having to wear helmets to play with the dolls. Cause that wasn't the policy change. The policy change was to "no toys" not to "wear helmets when playing with toys".

meh, the new policy is fine, but proves you were right to be irritated at how the teacher handled things in the first place.
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