Whew! I just read the whole thread. I'm glad everything worked out okay in the end.
I do think the teacher handled things poorly in the beginning, but you know that old saying about everything looking like a nail when your only tool is a hammer? It sounds like he spent many years coaching "serious" skaters and is having trouble figuring out how to use the rest of his toolbox. It's unfortunate that the OP's DD had to be one of his guinea pigs, though.
One thing that comes to mind, and this is directed at nobody in particular, is that (in unschooling circles) I frequently hear about meeting a child's needs. I think, sometimes, needs and wants get mixed up. I'm all about meeting my kids' needs, but they don't get everything they want. Nobody does.
I grew up with my parents telling me I couldn't have everything I wanted and that was just life with little regard to the disappointment I felt about such things. This did NOT make it easier for me to accept the things I couldn't have, it made me pine for them more. If someone had held me and allowed me to feel disappointed for 15 minutes then I still would have known that I can't always get what I want but I also would have felt loved and comforted instead of deprived and misunderstood.
And btw- OP, I'm glad he called and that you feel better about the situation.