seasoned veteran needs a vent and a hug

[amyjeans]

So I guess I am a seasoned vet when it comes to UC right? my next baby will be my 4th uc.
I've done this 3 times already, so it'll be a walk in the park right?
I'm only 12 weeks. And I am worried. Nothing inside me is signaling the "panic" mode, but I felt this way with all my other births. I think about what could go wrong, but turn right around and remind myself, the odds of this being a non-event are in my favor.
Then I catch the baby story on TLC and wanna puke, I read stories on other sites and feel angry that these mamas are so unlearned.
I know that if I step foot in a doctors office ,my liberties will be stripped away from me.
I will no longer be in charge. I also know that if I do hit the panic mode, I will go right for a c-section. After all I have experienced, there is no middle ground.

Then somtimes I honestly am not 100% delighted about the pregnancy, not because I don't want another baby, but I still remember, very vividly, the labor.
It wasn't out of my tolerance level, but it was really really hard f-in work!
I'm not the most patient person either.
I don't want to discourage any mamas from choosing this type of birth. I hope no one gets this idea.
I've done it both ways, and if drugs were better, they'd all have been born that way. But only 1 was, the rest were uc. There is a reason for that.

I'd love to hear what you guys think.
Thanks for letting me vent.

lots of love
amyjean

[shishkeberry]

This actually makes me a feel a little better about my own impending UC. This will be my first and if even a seasoned pro gets nervous about it, it's ok for me to be a little nervous, too. Like you said, the odds of a regular birth are in my favor. I'm only 5 minutes from a hospital. Things will be fine.

Labor is hard work and I had an epi with my DS, but it was still painful. Drugs during labor are not a magic cureall. I have to remember that.

[MsBlack]

Seems to me that a little emotional reaction, some nervousness or whatever, is a GOOD sign! I have heard a saying, attributed to Chinese Wisdom: "at birth, the veil between life and death becomes very thin". Birth is a wonderful, perfect process...which does sometimes include difficulties and even death. To be facing that gateway again SHOULD bring up some feelings, a sign of awareness of the importance of the event in our lives. And that emotional energy can be used to serve actions, choices, can bring alertness to everything you need to be alert to.

Not to forget that having another child--a fourth or 5th or beyond, especially--is something to stand up and pay attention to all by itself. The expansion of the family, that is, not the birth itself. Mothering is a lot of work and when you're adding to an already large-ish group, by now you know there will be adjustments, there will be a splash and ripples throughout your home. With plenty of joy likely, of course....but surely also some stress and challenge in various ways.

[ChildoftheMoon]

I hear you amyjean! I am sorry you are feeling this way. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to feel the emotions, you need to process them. Pregnancy is such an emotional time, a vulnerable time. Especially when you are tired and needed by so many others.
Sending you hugs. I will try and come back soon to write some more. Please check in again to let us know how you are doing.

*Love and light*

[tammyswanson]

Hugs!

This time around, I'm doing the hypnobabies program because I still remember what it was like the first time I UC'd. I was not prepared for the 'birth waves'. This time I will also use a birth ball, heating pad and hopefully a pool that I can fit into.

I also am watching non screaming women on youtube where you can see pain free births at home. I accidentally watched a movie with hollywood birth scenes, and fast forwarded thru it. Try to not expose your mind to that sort of stuff if you can help it.

I'm also doing birth visualization to literally imagine what birth will be like this time. No pain and no discomfort. Not sure what'll happen, but I'm thinking the best outcome in my mind.

[SaoirseC]

I think honesty is awesome! I faced a fair amount of fear with my first UC, and a fair amount with this last birth. I'm really glad it turned out the way it did, this last birth was sort of a sneak attack and didn't give me a chance to worry in that moment. Anyway, I have a feeling that no matter what birth choices I made, I would still feel that fear and uncertainty.