I used to post a lot back when I was separated and preparing to divorce; it's now been three years since divorce (and we were separated years before that), and although I've tried to be as amicable as possible with ex (sharing special events together with our child, etc.) his behavior of late has peaked in an alarming way.
He's always had stalker-like tendencies with me - as in, it's been the better part of a decade since we were together but he still doesn't date (!), and recently, out of the blue, has confessed to some thoughts that it could "work out" between us. I try to be cordial (business-like ONLY, all these years - never have I crossed that boundary) for our child's sake, but have certainly never indicated interest - this is a man who was abusive in just about every way; as well, he has undiagnosed mental issues - diagnosed bipolor disorder is in his immediate family and his behavior is alarmingly similar to theirs. He refuses diagnosis. The behavior is getting worse.
He shows up at our son's games during my parenting time - which in itself is completely fine, I want our son to have his parents cheering him on! - but after nearly every game, he makes a scene and won't let us go home peacefully - he tries to get our son to go to his place on the spot, says snide things to me, just generally creates a disturbance. He's showed up when I pick up our son at school and actually followed us down the street, with his car creeping along behind us. Naturally this is very confusing to our son.
And this morning for the 2nd time in a week, ex parked in front of our house until we left for school, "just to say hello" to our son, even though they'll be together tomorrow and this weekend. He followed us part way to school, saying snide things to me. I don't know what's triggered this latest manic bout, but let's just say these aren't the only instances - his behavior has been very erratic. I even heard through the grapevine that two nights ago, he was nearly thrown out of a local bar for "belligerant" behavior; my best friend's husband was there and saw for himself.
It's become unendurable, and this is stalking behavior - not about our son, as ex claims, but about controlling me and to show me that he (ex) can do whatever he wants, in spite of our clearly defined divorce agreement.
I used to think I just needed to somehow enforce the terms of our visitation agreement - but I think going to court wouldn't help much - I think what I need is a restraining order. I DON'T want to ruin the semblances of civility we manage from time to time - this would break my heart, for my son's sake (plus, how the heck to explain this to my son? it's going to make things even uglier with ex). But I can't, can't, can't have this stalking person sitting in my driveway, waiting, on any given, day, and/or showing up at events and creating disturbances.
Please, if you have taken a restraining order (or order of protection - not sure of the difference) on your ex:
- How is it done - just through local police, or did you have to go to court?
- Did you have to prove a pattern of behavior?
He hasn't been physically abusive for years. But this is definitely inappropriate behavior and completely invades my privacy and parenting time.
Thank you so much for any help.
He's always had stalker-like tendencies with me - as in, it's been the better part of a decade since we were together but he still doesn't date (!), and recently, out of the blue, has confessed to some thoughts that it could "work out" between us. I try to be cordial (business-like ONLY, all these years - never have I crossed that boundary) for our child's sake, but have certainly never indicated interest - this is a man who was abusive in just about every way; as well, he has undiagnosed mental issues - diagnosed bipolor disorder is in his immediate family and his behavior is alarmingly similar to theirs. He refuses diagnosis. The behavior is getting worse.
He shows up at our son's games during my parenting time - which in itself is completely fine, I want our son to have his parents cheering him on! - but after nearly every game, he makes a scene and won't let us go home peacefully - he tries to get our son to go to his place on the spot, says snide things to me, just generally creates a disturbance. He's showed up when I pick up our son at school and actually followed us down the street, with his car creeping along behind us. Naturally this is very confusing to our son.
And this morning for the 2nd time in a week, ex parked in front of our house until we left for school, "just to say hello" to our son, even though they'll be together tomorrow and this weekend. He followed us part way to school, saying snide things to me. I don't know what's triggered this latest manic bout, but let's just say these aren't the only instances - his behavior has been very erratic. I even heard through the grapevine that two nights ago, he was nearly thrown out of a local bar for "belligerant" behavior; my best friend's husband was there and saw for himself.
It's become unendurable, and this is stalking behavior - not about our son, as ex claims, but about controlling me and to show me that he (ex) can do whatever he wants, in spite of our clearly defined divorce agreement.
I used to think I just needed to somehow enforce the terms of our visitation agreement - but I think going to court wouldn't help much - I think what I need is a restraining order. I DON'T want to ruin the semblances of civility we manage from time to time - this would break my heart, for my son's sake (plus, how the heck to explain this to my son? it's going to make things even uglier with ex). But I can't, can't, can't have this stalking person sitting in my driveway, waiting, on any given, day, and/or showing up at events and creating disturbances.
Please, if you have taken a restraining order (or order of protection - not sure of the difference) on your ex:
- How is it done - just through local police, or did you have to go to court?
- Did you have to prove a pattern of behavior?
He hasn't been physically abusive for years. But this is definitely inappropriate behavior and completely invades my privacy and parenting time.
Thank you so much for any help.
, and giving me that money, in his mind, entitles him to special priveleges. (He's convinced himself that he pays more than he needs to, although he pays me what the agreement says. Most people, if they felt they really didn't have the money, would go to court to modify the child support; but then that would take away the fun of harrassing me about it!)
