DD and possible confusion with "Dad"

[MariesMama]

I know I've posted before about DD's father's family and not wanting them around, but it keeps popping up. Basically, DD's father pays support and nothing else. No calls, nothing. He last called her on her birthday - she wouldn't talk to him since she doesn't know him.

We ran into his mother while grocery shopping last week. She made a comment about having a picnic at the park with DD and then called this weekend to arrange it. I'm no longer worried about anything happening while DD is with her. Ex's mom is more scared of me than I am of her, and I know she tries to keep on my good side so she can see her once in a while.

My only worry is that she will either call ex and have him talk to DD or just tell her about him, and DD has no idea who he is. My DP is her dad, as far as she knows. I feel that she's too young to know otherwise ... am I freaking out about nothing? Blah!

[carriemama]

I think you're probably worrying over nothing, since while she may be confused it won't last long since it's just a picnic and she's only 2. You might want to call ex-MIL and tell her your concern, though, since I assume she knows her son has no role in your DD's life? Does your DD call your DP Dad?

[MariesMama]

She does call DP "her daddy", although when she addresses him it's by his name. Like, "this is ***, he's my daddy!"

I guess I don't really know how to tell ex-not-MIL, "your son is not her dad, and I'd prefer you didn't refer to him as such." He thinks he's father of the year, if you ask him.

I agree though, that even if she does get confused, it's not the end of the world.

[Ione]

I wouldn't worry about it. If it does come up, and your DD gets confused, all you have to do is explain that "her daddy" is not "her father".

She has to learn sometime, and the more it is a matter-of-fact thing that comes up naturally when it comes up, the easier it will be for her all around at any age.

[GoBecGo]

I would explain it to her. My XP is involved with DD, but not as much as DH is. She calls her bio father "dada", and DH by his first name or "daddy" depending on how she feels. I have explained to her for as long as we've lived together (DH and I), which was when she was 2.5, that DH is her step-dada and XP is her dada. I don't put any emphasis on that, it's up to her to quantify those roles (and the men themselves to do what they see fit too) and to form those relationships, but i did make sure to create a space where she can discuss it. She seems, at the moment, to be thriving, and loves both of them very much.

FWIW my DD wouldn't talk to people she DID know on the phone at 2 - 2 is not the best age for phonecalls! If her bio father really wants a relationship with her he needs to think of something else. I'd just let the grandma know, gently, that if DD says "daddy" she is referring to your DP and that since she doesn't know her bio father at all you'd rather she wasn't confused at this point.