Having an inner struggle...(Christian based)

[AFWife]

I feel drawn to becoming more modest and feminine. I believe in traditional gender roles and feel that God has called me to be at home.

But my biggest issue I'm having is an inner struggle... I'm bisexual. Well, mostly I enjoy the sensual company of women. I know that my religion is totally against this sort of thing...and sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite.


It's so hard for me to post this.

[holyhelianthus]

You're not alone in this. I can think of quite a few people, actually.

We are who we are. It's more important what we do with that.

[lolar2]

You don't have to answer this in the thread, but for your consideration: are you talking about actual adultery, fantasies, or what you might be inclined to do if you weren't married?

Most Christian churches frown on any adultery with either sex, including the ones that perform gay marriages.

Some Christian churches frown on all fantasies about anyone other than one's spouse, while other Christian churches don't really have any doctrine about fantasies as long as they are not reality.

Some Christian churches frown on all homosexuality; others permit gay marriage; but even the ones that frown on homosexuality or bisexuality, usually consider it irrelevant as long as the people in question are celibate or are heterosexually married and faithful. If you are theoretically bisexual, but married to a man and faithful-- AND if you are happy enough with that situation that you think you can sustain it for life-- you should be in the clear with even the most conservative churches AFAIK.

If you come to decide that you are actually fully gay and not attracted to men at all, you probably will want to consider attending a gay-friendly church. You may want to consider that anyway.

I used to work at a gay-friendly church in Texas so I am very familiar with these gradations and intra-Christian arguments, despite being a heterosexual non-Christian.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by lolar2

You don't have to answer this in the thread, but for your consideration: are you talking about actual adultery, fantasies, or what you might be inclined to do if you weren't married?

Well...I guess you could say my husband struggles with enjoying the thought of me with another woman. Like I said, I enjoy the sensuality side of women...the idea of sex isn't appealing to me. Kissing, on the other hand, is... If I weren't married I probably would have a girlfriend of some kind.

[cappuccinosmom]

You know, there are many feelings and desires and wants that we in our human experience. You are not a hypocrite to have feelings, but choose to live otherwise. That is essentially one of the foundations of Christian life...to lay our Self down at the altar and take up the cross to follow Christ.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

You know, there are many feelings and desires and wants that we in our human experience. You are not a hypocrite to have feelings, but choose to live otherwise. That is essentially one of the foundations of Christian life...to lay our Self down at the altar and take up the cross to follow Christ.

I just feel like if I mention being with a woman or, when the opportunity arises, kissing a woman I'm setting a bad example and being a bad Christian.

I guess my problem is that I compare myself to other Christians...

[cappuccinosmom]

We're all "bad Christians". If it's not sexual ethics we struggle with, it's something else.

I'm Maggie, and I eat gluttonously.

Are you struggling with the right/wrong aspect of this, or feeling that it's OK and having trouble meshing that with a conservative Christian viewpoint?

[AFWife]

The right/wrong aspect. I don't believe that same sex behavior is okay by Christian standards so that's why I'm in turmoil.

[cappuccinosmom]

Being in turmoil does not make you a hypocrite.

Sending you a PM.

[AFWife]

I really appreciate your helping me with this!

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

You know, there are many feelings and desires and wants that we in our human experience. You are not a hypocrite to have feelings, but choose to live otherwise. That is essentially one of the foundations of Christian life...to lay our Self down at the altar and take up the cross to follow Christ.

This is EXACTLY what I was trying to convey. Great Maggies think alike.

Originally Posted by AFWife

The right/wrong aspect. I don't believe that same sex behavior is okay by Christian standards so that's why I'm in turmoil.

The key word here is behavior. You're not talking about behavior you are talking about feelings you have. That's quite a difference.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I just feel like if I mention being with a woman or, when the opportunity arises, kissing a woman I'm setting a bad example and being a bad Christian.

I guess my problem is that I compare myself to other Christians...

really the whole "woman" thing is irrelevant. You are married. period. You should not be kissing anyone else. Regardless of what your husband fantasizes about or will permit.

[genifer]

Hey Afwife. I think that our struggles make us into wonderful testamonies for the Lord to use to reach others. I know most nonbelievers dont understand what Im even talking about, unless they are seeking too, but this is the bottom line, solid truth. I know heterosexual people who have struggled with sexual sins and have either overcome them or are in the process of becoming set free from those flesh tendancies. They are very strong ..Ill use the word delusions, but I use it carefully and with no malice intended. We all have our own brand of flesh, our own leanings toward certain sins. I cannot imagine what it would be like to struggle with what you struggle with and I cannot express how amazing I think you must be, and how much you must love the Lord and KNOW Him to even consider not giving in to what must be some very strong 'tendancies' (not sure if Im using the most sensitve wording, so forgive me, I mean this with a LOT of love). There are some very dark things in my own heart that the Lord's revealed that shouldnt be there. I have NO idea how they got there, I didnt seek these things out, ykwim? They have been revealed in me and its shown me how depraved the human mind and heart can be. For me, those things arent things I actually struggle with, but they catch me off guard!

I personally think you have a lot to offer by struggling with this and walking it out knowing Christ. I pray you never let Him go. He IS real.

I have to go for now, but Id like to subscribe, bc this very issue has come up more over the last two weeks for me then ever in my walk. I have a feeling the Lord is teaching me something.

[Nazsmum]

Right now I'm studing Luke. So far something that is really clear to me is this:
Jesus came for all of us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. He wants us to change, but only to His glory and to His way and His rest. He is the shabbat that we all need. We can come to Him and He will take our problems and give us His love.

I hope that you find a deeper relationship with Jesus. He will take you by the hand.

[PoppyMama]

We all feel all kinds of things and I do think that some thoughts need to be repented/confessed (like craving adultry or wishing violence) but only for your own journey. Your thoughts aren't anyone elses business. I am straight but don't feel that glbt people are commiting any grievance against god. I used to go to the DignityUSA mass at St. Ann's in SA on Sun at 5:30pm, I have even thought of driving up from ATX once a month so I could attend again.

[ikesmom]

I think that kissing anyone aside from your husband would not strengthen your relationship/marriage.

It might be fun in the moment to play with an idea , but there is a trust and bond in marriage that should n't be played with.

I want to be supportive and accepting to you so please don't feel like I say that in a judging way.

Pray about it..give it to God and ask him to guide you.

[rlmueller]

Pleasing our Father

Christ has come, the law fulfilled. We are free now to please our Father in heaven. Do you wish to please our Father in heaven --of course. We want to please our Father. Will this action please you Father in heaven. Will he look on you and smile with this action? You have meditated on this and have your answer. Without knowing the love of God in Christ you wouldn't. Your current convictions keep you on the straight and narrow.

Unfortunetly the world and unrealistic images the world throws at us and our families regarding sex is something we as Christians must deal with.

We are also fallen (thanks a bunch Adam and Eve!) and must work so hard with the grace of God to keep in mind the pleasing of our Father in heaven--oh if it only was second nature to us--but it is not.

I struggle with this attraction too. God just made us prettier

[fierrbugg]

Originally Posted by rlmueller

God just made us prettier

Not to make light of the topic of this thread, but this just cracked me up.

The bottom line is that we do all have our struggles that "good" christians don't have. Except guess what? Even they have them too. The important thing is what we do with that struggle. Do we give into it and sin, or do we give it all to God and work through it, while living our lives to the best of our ability. And even if we do mess up, because we're imperfect beings, it still doesn't make us bad Christians. It makes us human and imperfect. Look at King David. He messed up. There's hardly another way to put it, but he was still a man after God's own heart. Why? Because he didn't let his struggles derail his relationship with God.

Be kind to yourself and keep the lines of communication open.

[momo7]

Ha! I could have written this post. Too funny.

I've struggled with this sort of feeling for a long time. I just had to realize that God made me the way that I am. I would love to act on my feelings, but I know for a fact it wouldn't be a good thing for our marriage. Just like I know having a bad diet makes me sick. So I just don't act it out.

But it used to be hard to reconcile my self to the fact that I have these feelings and that they are there. I accept it, and even embrace it because it's part of who I am. It's better to do that than pretend they don't exist. That would be lying to myself and I don't think God wants me to do that either.

It is what it is.