Picking a name that makes people frown

[lunarlady]

DH and I struggle with names. But we finally have one we like:

Ophelia

Problem is, the few people I've mentioned it too all seem to frown, then try to find something to say.

My mom: It starts with the word "oaf" which is like clumsy or clutsy.
My friend: Sort of tragic, isn't it? (Think Hamlet) Don't want her to die young do you? (Said in a joking way, but still!)
Another friend: Sort of hard to say, don't you think? What's the nickname? Ophie? Me: Lia, Phe or Fiona are common nicknames. Her: Like the ogre? Really? (Think Shrek)

Well, seeing as how it has taken 7 months for DH and I to decide this, I'm thinking we're not going back to square one now! So how do those of you with unusual names for your children deal with people's reactions? I mean, right now I'm pretty much thinking I won't tell anyone else until DD is here, breathing, and named, but I think people will still frown at her name and not say anything (if they are polite). I'm starting to think I should tell everyone we're naming her "Stardust" "Rainbow" or "Moonchild" just to be annoying.

I think I'm struggling in particular because with DD, everyone was like "what a great name!" "So pretty!" "Love it!"...and now we get that odd little frown for this one. Sigh. Thoughts? Support?

[Chamomile Girl]

Its a beautiful name. Once she is here people will probably not give you this kind of feedback, so don't let their opinion now sway you.

My kid's name is Gwydion (another tough one with nicknames). I refused to tell anyone his name before he was born, but told people that they would doubtless find it an odd one. Most of my family was relieved that it wasn't "worse" LOL, but now they can't imagine him as any other name (and neither can I). I do get confusion from people when I tell them his name because they can't figure out what I'm saying right away. But I'm ok with that, and hopefully Gwyn will be too. I just tell 'em its like Gwendolyn only male.

The thing is that we get so excited when a name "clicks" for us that we want to share our joy with everyone . But the same names don't resonate with everyone (thank goodness). I'd advise you to keep her name close to your heart and let the comments of others roll off.

Congratulations on finding a name!

[zinemama]

Alas, you are Exhibit A for the mandate, "Don't share your name with anyone before the baby's born!"

Since the cat is already out of the bag, the best thing you can do from here on in is to greet all questions with "We're keeping the name private for now." and stick to it. Telling the name invites opinions, no matter how conventional the name might be. (And for what it's worth, it wouldn't even occur to me to consider Ophelia unusual.)

Hang in there.

[StarMama]

We had a few people having issues with Orion's name (my MIL in particular went berserk about it, had her other son do research on the worst possible mythology of Orion to tell us about, ect), and a couple with Fiona's (same Shrek references from those who disliked it).

People are a lot less rude once the baby is born and named! But a little late for those who you've already told, huh? Keeping it to yourself sounds like a good idea from the rest of those who might complain. With Fiona we never did tell MIL what her name was, but Orion did tell her about the name Fiona and we just said "that's one we are thinking of".

I remember telling some rude folks that they were welcome to conceive and grow their own child and pick a name then.

Ophelia is a very pretty name.

[wondertwins]

A good friend and I were pg at the same time, gave birth within 2 weeks of one another, and spend a lot of time together socially. When people would ask about the names we were thinking of I would get the "great names" response and she would invariably get "isn't that a dog's name, from that dog movie, right", "that name is really popular for girls now (knowing she was expecting a boy)" and so on with disparaging remarks. Her DH's brother even chastised them because their son would NEVER be in any professional field with a name like the one they chose.

It's been 3 years now, they stuck with the name and once he was born the unkind comments stopped. No name is going to please everyone, but I think once the baby is born, the name will just be a part of her and no one is going to say mean things to or about a baby.

BTW I think Ophelia is lovely. There are plenty of 3 syllable names that don't get shortened, so maybe she won't have a nickname. And it starts with "O" not Oaf!!

[lunarlady]

Originally Posted by StarMama

People are a lot less rude once the baby is born and named! But a little late for those who you've already told, huh? Keeping it to yourself sounds like a good idea from the rest of those who might complain. With Fiona we never did tell MIL what her name was, but Orion did tell her about the name Fiona and we just said "that's one we are thinking of".

Thank you for the support! Yes, the other issue is that DD (3) is happily going around telling everyone "My baby sister Ophelia kicks my mommy's tummy!" and "Baby sister's name is OPHELIA!" (Said in a loud, tell the world, shout it from the rooftop voice.) So keeping it a "secret" might be a bit of a trick. I like your line about "that's one we're thinking of", I might have to steal it. I never thought that when they said "keep it a secret" they meant "don't tell the big sister!"

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

I happen to think it's a beautiful name and as for the dieting early "joke" that is just awful, what person makes such a joke to a pregnant mama
i think you should go with your chosen name theres nothing wrong with it.

[seatosea]

The only thing that really matters is that you and your husband love the name.

FWIW, I think that it's a beautiful name.

[mumkimum]

We like uncommon names too and refuse to tell people (who'd say rude things, at least) our picks. Just act like people are weird for not liking it and/or it doesn't bother you.

Incidentally, we have a 2 month old Ophelia so yeah - we really liked the name too! Go for it! (pretty much anyone since we've had her has only made positive name comments - so there).

[Funny Face]

I love that name!

This is why we don't share our names with others until baby is born. They were so rude during my first pregnancy that I actually enjoy watching them suffer not knowing now. They brought it on themselves!

[StarMama]

I didn't TELL my MIL we weren't telling her Fiona's name, but yes I enjoyed watching her suffer through wanting a NAME for the BABY after her insanity with Orion's name.

[shishkeberry]

No one was happy about my DS's middle name (Danger) but I didn't care. I named him that anyway and no one complains about it now.

[rhiOrion]

I think Ophelia is a beautiful name!

Originally Posted by StarMama

We had a few people having issues with Orion's name (my MIL in particular went berserk about it, had her other son do research on the worst possible mythology of Orion to tell us about, ect), and a couple with Fiona's (same Shrek references from those who disliked it).

I love your son's name I have the seven main stars from Orion tattooed on me!

[philomom]

If you really love it.. you can just grin and bear it.


However, I don't care for it. Not only did the Ophelia in Hamlet commit suicide but..... it has the "o feel ya" connotations. Haven't we all heard that Ophelia Butt joke ? Like I.P. Freely?

[MaerynPearl]

Oddly, I was getting those sorts of reactions for the name Alexander!

Ophelias a fine name... until she is in high school (and possibly not until she is in college) no one her age will have a CLUE about the connection to Shakespeare

I would avoid Fiona as a nickname though... only because it has had a recent huge up in popularity as a name. And Lia is also a great... odd but normal... nickname too!

Im sort of shocked at a complete lack of eye raising at Maeryn (Mae-Rin) which is what this little ones name will be. A few jokes though about how we are leaving DF out (his name starts with R... and myself and all three of my children are M)

[pacificbliss]

This is why we don't tell people the name until the baby is here. For some reason if you say it before the baby arrives people seem to think you are asking for their opinion even when you are not. After the baby arrives they seem to get their manners back.

I like the name Ophelia.

[emilyash]

Ophelia is a beautiful name. I had a kitty named Opheila, she was called Ophe, but it's a much better little girl name!

I know an Orion, too. Also a great name.

I mentioned some of the names I was considering on here in the hopes of getting more suggestions and instead I got some feedback that bummed me out, but in the end it's really up to us...some will love, some will hate. I agree with the PP who said not to tell...now I really know why!

ETA: Lunarlady, based on your signature you and I seem to have a LOT in common! :-)

[RedOakMomma]

Ophelia is lovely, it's just unusual. People (myself included in certain foot-in-mouth episodes with friends) say stupid things to expectant parents.

Once your child is here, and she's adorable and charming and everyone adores her, they're going to start thinking Ophelia is the best name ever. They're going to love it because they love her. And yeah...the next time they encounter someone who says they're going to use the name Ophelia? They're going to say "Oh! I know a girl named Ophelia and she's the sweetest/smartest little thing! What a great name!!"

Go for it.

[milosmomma]

First, I love the name Ophelia. I'd use it for my next daughter if it wasn't so close to DD's name (Amelia).

I agree that people are ALWAYS going to have an opinion and you're never going to please everybody. Pick the name you love and that's it. If you really wanted to shame someone, you could always mention that your daughter absolutely LOOOOOOVES the name and that's what really cemented it for you.

FWIW, my sister has a "tragic" name (Phaedra), although it's not as well known, and nobody has ever even mentioned it to her.

[FireWithin]

Last pregnancy I told my mother our girl name for the baby. She guffawed and said "you're kidding, right?" Yeah, I still haven't forgotten that.