Previous Miscarriage, Trying Not To Worry During First Trimester. Help!!!

[MountainMama2Be]

How do I keep from worrying that any second I could start bleeding and have another miscarriage like last time?

I am 6 weeks along now and still have a long way to go till 13 weeks when I'm officially out of the "danger zone" 1st Trimester.

Does anyone know the stats as to the potential for multiple miscarriages? Since I had one last time does that make me MORE or LESS likely to have one this pregnancy?

What do (did) you do during your first few weeks to NOT freak out over miscarriage thoughts?

I'm doing ok so far....but it's always there in the back of my mind...morning, noon and night!

I'm trying to think positively and tell myself that because I already suffered once that it's going to be ok this time around and I'll make it past these fragile weeks where the worst could happen, but it is very difficult when it's something you've been wanting for so long and you are finally there and it could be taken away at the drop of a hat without warning and there's nothing anyone (even doctors/medical professionals) can do! Arg!!!

I went and treated myself today to a pedicure and got my nails filled (my OB said it's fine to keep getting my nails done and even color my hair during pregnancy.....incase you were wondering) and she did a hand/arm massage as well (upon request) and that along with that awesome vibrating chair during the pedi REALLY did help ease the tension and stress and make me more relaxed today!

But even though I was super pampered and physically feel amazing, I still can't help but have sad/negative thoughts from time to time about the possibility of losing this baby! I'm still pretty early on in my pregnancy....only a few days past where I had the miscarriage last time around, so I don't feel safe yet.

Any suggestions, ideas, tips, stats you think would help me out?
Thanks in advance fellow Mommas and Mommy's to be.

[RedOakMomma]

I don't know if there's anything you can do to stop worrying. I worried all through the first trimester...even when I was sick or had strong symptoms, and ESPECIALLY on days when the symptoms lessened.

To answer your question...as far as I know (and this is from my OB), you do not have a higher risk of m/c. My OB said something really comforting to me after my m/c and when we found out I was pregnant again. "There's no reason to think this won't be a healthy pregnancy." That became my mantra in the first trimester.

Most women, if they try to get pregnant long enough, will have a m/c. Many have had one and didn't know it. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm not trying to diminish it, but try to trust your body on this one. One loss does not mean you're more prone to lose again.

[SunChild]

I know this may sound not realistic BUT hear me out...

in order to stay sane and grounded while you wait to pass the first tri, and so on without a bump on the path, remember that there is nothing you can do, and thinking about stats and what may happen will only cause stress within your system, it may even become an obsessive thought, altering your moods ect... so your life revolves around THAT, BUT there is another way, and that is to: LIVE your life as if you were pregnant or not pregnant as being irrelevent, your whole life does not revolve around your pregnancy- it is a very exciting time but it has to be in perspective, as I have done, just live, do what you love to do, and let natures ebb and flow create your baby, be indifferent to your fears, remember most miscarriages happen becuase the baby was not formed correctly- most people do not want to go through that because its like they have lost something, creating a baby is like trial and error, we dont always get it right, so we have to start again- just for the sperm to find the egg is a miracle in itself, its like a tiny little bird flying through the grand canyon and the egg is hiding in a cave some where, what are the chances? and then everything has to go according to the blueprint, a mistake? a miscarriage. So, the more we see the big picture the better we can feel about natures way- Gods way. Just live as you, and if a baby comes, what a bonus and a blessing! Quiet your mind and live each moment fully and don't waste it on worry. Lots of Love to YOU.

Ps. I get the feeling everything will be just fine ~*~*~*~

[SunChild]

I love what became your Mantra RedOakMama.... Try to adopt that too MountainMama, it has a very calming effect.

[etsdtm99]

my former OB also told me that one miscarriage does not make you any more likely to have another .. for me, my 1st pregnancy after my miscarriage, an early u/s to see the heartbeat helped.. after that, buying a dopper helped.. i freaked out a LOT with this pregnancy but tried to take comfort in the statistical likely hood that this baby would be just fine, and at about 9 weeks i was able to find the HB with my doppler and that helped a TON (no early u/s this time)

i'm not really a sit back and trust that everything will be fine or will be what it is or wahtever type of person..the doppler was absolutely necessary for me. . i needed something to calm me down because i could not function.. i would get so upset and angry thinking about how horrible i was feeling (morning sickness etc) and how if this was all for nothing i could not handle that.. but every time i heard the heartbeat, i felt better... i was willing to wait it out until 8-9 weeks but that was my limit..

[jessica_s]

It's a really really really hard place to be (I'm there right now). I don't have any great way of handling the early weeks but I guess the only silver lining is that I've had a few shots at trying to see what works for me.
It's impossible to not think bad things after you've had 3 m/c's, there's just no happy it'll never happen to you again face to put on. BUT the thing that's getting me though is to not allow myself to get into obsessive thought. Meaning, if I'm thinking bad things that's ok, but I have to say ok that's enough and even if I don't think good things I just clear my mind. I cannot allow myself to lay in bed for hours and cry about things. If that's needed, there will be time for it, but it's not now.
It's hard because there is no magic wand. I'm just taking it a day at a time, trying to not think about it. Not fancy but it's gotten me though the past week!

[Yuba_River]

I have not experienced a miscarriage, but several close friends had late loses around the time I was trying for this current pregnancy, and that combined with my own high anxiety level and the spotting that I've dealt with for the last few weeks has led me to be a bit of a nervous wreck.... Nothing totally takes it away, but the two things that have helped me the most are 1) to focus on the now--I don't know if I'll be pregnant tomorrow, but I am right now, and that's an amazing thing (this came from another MDC mama) and 2) at a certain point I realized that the amount of worry I was having was unhealthy for me and the baby, and I decided I had to commit to being more positive just the way I commit to taking my prenatals every day. It has helped a bit.

Happy and healthy pregnancy to you!

[*Jade*]

This is definitely a tough place to be!

For me, I did a few things. I work in mental health with an incredibly supportive team, so I told them I was hugely anxious, which took some pressure off at work. I also had a post-it on my computer that said "Be calm, hope, breathe" to remind me to enjoy the pregnancy and to manage my anxiety. On top of that, I took anti-depressants, which I know is not the choice for everyone (and I was already on them since the miscarriage).

Hang in there! It's definitely worrying, but you can get through it!

[CherryBomb]

I think it's nearly impossible not to worry, honestly. I lost two in a row and I've been a mess this pregnancy. I just try to take it one day at a time.

[Kelly1101]

This was said in another thread and really stuck with me:

Originally Posted by NicolleLynne

Also, try to greet each day with gratitude for the baby you're carrying. He or she is with you right now, today, make whatever time you have with your little one, in or out of the womb, the happiest and most joyful it can be.

I'm prone to worry, but keeping that in my mind helps.


As ROM said, there is no reason that you shouldn't have a healthy pregnancy.

[jessieb503]

Just wanted to let you know that I TOTALLY understand what you are going through right now. I had three miscarriages but am now 12.5 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby I know its hard to stay positive but that's really all you can do, right? And the positive energy will be good for both of you.

My midwife told me you are not more likely to have two if you had one. This could be your baby!!

I'll be thinking about you!!

[karen1968]

It IS hard not to worry. I think the best thing you can do for peace of mine (at least for me) is get an early ultrasound. Once you see/hear that heartbeat, it makes it much easier to believe everything will be OK!

You don't say what kind of miscarriage you had. I'm not sure if it even makes a difference, but I know that blighted ovums and psyiological defects (I've had one of each) are NOT likely to recur. They are one off issues that occur at conception.

I had a blighted ovum in 9/05, a healthy baby boy 2/07, and a fetus that stopped developing for unknown reasons in 9/09. I am now 13 weeks pregnant with what seems like it will be another happy healthy baby by November. I have a friend who has had three m/c and 3 healthy babies, interspersed. Just some anecdotal evidence that this pregnancy will go just great!

After my first m/c, I read a great book by a medical journalist (I can not remember the title or author and a search of Amazon was fruitless) who reviewed study after study regarding miscarriage, it's causes, and "cures". He concluded it was very difficult to either prevent or cause miscarriage, esp. those of unknown origin. I don't know if that will be helpful to you or not; it brought me some comfort to know it was out of my hands and that worrying wouldn't change anything.

[rightkindofme]

I had two miscarriages between my daughter and this pregnancy. It's really hard to have faith. I'm thrilled that this child is very acrobat like so I feel him/her moving constantly now that I'm almost to the third trimester. Very reassuring.

But yeah. You just kind of hold your breath till you get out of the first trimester. It's all we can do. Good luck!

[MountainMama2Be]

Great Feedback

Thank all of you ladies for all the kind words, advice, and stories regarding dealing with first trimester worries and miscarriage. I REALLY appreciate it alot! I will go back and re-read your entries as they are all very inspiring and uplifting.

I wanted to update this post by saying that I had my first (early) Ultrasound today at my OB office and got to see the sac (which looked like a black blob on the screen, only being about 6 1/2 weeks. However, the Doc said that he could see the heartbeat and the baby has a normal (slower) heartbeat for a baby of the weeks along in pregnancy that it is. It is perfectly normal and healthy....so far. He said though that just because everything is doing good today doesn't mean it is guaranteed for my next Ultrasound in 2 weeks to check the growth and baby's heartbeat again and make sure it has sped up some for 8 week normal rate.

I've been having alot of lower back cramping lately and a ton of other normal pregnancy symptoms, so that's why they did the early Ultrasound, to make sure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, which TG it wasn't! I had 2 cysts on my ovary though (every pregnant woman has one, it nurishes the baby until the placenta has formed and starts to function and takes over) which he said could possibly be a twin that was ectopic and attached to the ovary, but he said that was doubtful and most unlikely. Just a small chance worth mentioning. He said the back cramping is nothing to worry about, that many pregnant women have it, some to varying degrees, and that I just must have it worse than some. Not a biggie. So...I won't worry about it anymore. I just put my heating pad on my back when it bothers me too much and will keep on going!

So....as of today....May 24, 10....I am currently having a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy and baby developing nicely! Horray! Not sure if it will continue on through to the end....delivering a healthy baby, but I'm damn sure gonna try to think positive that it WILL.

I will once again update this post in 2 weeks after my next Ultrasound.

[karen1968]

I'm glad you had a positive ultrasound! I'll for another good one in two weeks and a happy and healthy 9 months.

[MountainMama2Be]

Originally Posted by karen1968

I'm glad you had a positive ultrasound! I'll for another good one in two weeks and a happy and healthy 9 months.

Oh thank you so much!

[MountainMama2Be]

Dehydrated? Dizzy

So the last couple of days I've been pretty dizzy, esp. today. It's not bad enough that I feel like I'm going to fall over....but on the way to feeling like it. The room isn't spinning, but if I got much dizzier it would.

I did some research and alot of preggo women said that it was dehydration and to lay with your feet elevated and rest up....and drink TONS of water to replenish your system of fluids.

Others said that it was low iron and that it could be anemia.

I called and spoke to my nurse and she said that since I was not anemic prior to pregnancy that it was most likely not that. Said it was common to get dehydrated easily in early pregnancy when the blood levels are rising to support the baby forming and that I should just drink at the very least 64 oz. of water (try to drink more even) and lay down for awhile until the dizziness went away. If it continued for a few more days to let them know.

I lay down for awhile, but ended up getting up to do work (I work at home and couldn't just take off not being online all day) and the dizziness has returned, but I've drank a 50 oz. bottle of water and a 32 oz. bottle of Gatorade (G2 low calorie) as the nurse also said that Vitamin Water was good for dehydration (as it has electrolytes) but I had G2 in the cupboard, so I drank that instead. I guess I will keep drinking more and hopefully over the next few hours into tomorrow the dizziness will go away!

I can deal with nausea. I can deal with raging hormones. I can deal with super sensitive sense of smell. But I DON'T like having to deal with extreme dizziness caused by dehydration (OR low iron) when I am drinking so much liquid that I have to pee every 15 min. It SUCKS!!!

I will keep you all posted the next few days.

[stormgirl]

I'm a worrier as well. I try to maintain a levity about everything, a grtefulness and a thankfulness that this joining has happened inside me. I want it to become a baby I can raise. I want it to stick. That said, saying these things is all I can do. There isn't any reason to think this won't be a healthy pregnancy.

The difficulty and fear rises up out of past events and the tangle of emotions woven through and around the trust I have always had in my body. I, too suffered a loss, mine was at 17 weeks, long after I thought I was in the clear. I feel so tentative at times, so doubtful. I have to step back a half meter and say to myself that i have to realize that whatever happens, my partner and I will go through it together, and we will grow closer because of it.

I've had 2 successful pregnancies that've turned into 2 dear and boisterous boys. This one may be the one that adds to my brood, and I'd like to believe that it is.

[finnegansmom]

This has been a really helpful thread for me.

I'm in the same position you are, pregnant after a loss at 13 weeks. We were told the baby more than likely had chromosonal issues and stopped developing around 10-11 weeks. It was our first, after 2 normal unventful pregnancies.

I'm 38 and am overwhelmed with fear and doubt, but in the end there is nothing I can do now about it. I have my 7 week u/s next week and I hoping to see a heartbeat, and I pray that that will give me enough confidence to relax a little bit, but I'll admit, the stress and anxiety is like a blanket over me.

I've been trying to make lists of the "pros" of this pregnancy...doubling betas, high progesterone, no spotting....those clinical things that sometimes suggest a successful pregnancy. And of course, staying off of the internet is key. Googling anything pregnancy related tends to put me in a panic.

to you, and I'm glad you are doing well! I'd love to hear updates.

[karen1968]

finnegansmom It can be so hard, those first few weeks. I know that, for ME, it helped immensely to see/hear that heartbeat at an early ultrasound. With my second loss, with a successful pregnancy and birth in between, I'd decided not to have one. And I kicked myself later, when I started spotting and found out with an u/s at 11w that the baby had died before 8 weeks. With this pregnancy - I"m 17w3d - scheduling an 8 week ultrasound was practically the first thing I did after getting my BFP!

your u/s goes well and you have a happy and healthy nine months ahead of you!