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Previous Miscarriage, Trying Not To Worry During First Trimester. Help!!! - Page 2

post #21 of 28
I am also in the same boat. I like the advice of enjoying each day and appreciating what I have now. I think one thing that helps is trying to let go of control. If there is nothing I can do about it then I just have to trust if something bad happens DH and I will get through it. People manage to get through some amazingly difficult things. I think the number one thing that helped me when I lost my baby, and now with my current fear, is knowing I'm not alone. Not that I'd wish it on anyone, but knowing others have experienced similar things and made it through helps so much. Knowing others are there with me right now helps too.

Maybe it would help to focus on solutions rather than problems. Like make a bit of a plan for if it were to happen. Could you take off time, is it better to work, who would you want to be there for you? What else would you need? That may seem crazy and pessimistic but I think of it as more proactive. Maybe let your SO and friends/family know in advance you're a little worried and what you may need/not need in the event it happens. Not that you can know 100% how you'll feel. DH and I have talked about this a little and I've said in the event it were to happen again I'd need to not have him or anyone else in the house need anything from me for a little while. Most people close to me know from last time to just be there for me and not try and justify it or explain it away. Some people like cards and flowers and some don't because they feel it's a reminder. Knowing you have a support system in place may make it easier to relax. I don't know, there is nothing easy about it!

Congrats on your first successful US!
post #22 of 28
MountainMama - the dizziness can be caused by the extreme increase in blood volume in the first tri - your blood cells have to catch up - so technically you are anemic, but it is normal to be. I'm always winded/dizzy in the first tri until the growth slows slightly and the placenta starts taking over at 12-13 weeks.

That being said, I'm in your position for pregnancy after a loss - we have had back to back m/c, one at 5w pregnant, one at 12.5 weeks. I read somewhere after our first loss that "Today, I am pregnant" mantra, and I remember using that a lot in my last pregnancy. Even though I lost the baby too, I felt really good about the time I had spent with the baby while he was here, you know? I was able to really enjoy being pregnant (well, as much as possible, I still worried a lot, but you know) and looking back, I was SO SO glad I had.

We are now pregnant again, and there is no assurance that this pregnancy will go well or badly, but I am going to enjoy the heck out of it while I can and hope and pray this is our take home baby.
post #23 of 28
Thread Starter 

An update

Hello to all of you fellow preggos! I wanted to update you with my status so far...

I am now currently about 10 1/2 weeks and am doing well, as far as I know...although reading so many of your experiences of "found out the baby had died a couple weeks before the ultrasound" has be a little worried! Did you stop having pregnancy symptoms? I am still having alot of breast soreness, abdominal cramping (mild not severe) from the uterus growing (I hope) and morning sickness still on the incline...which is a good sign right? It's more the last week than the first few weeks of this pregnancy....so I consider that a positive thing. Am I correct? It should start tapering off though once I hit the 2nd trimester....right?

Also, I'm a little bit more worried now since I've read so many of you having your miscarriage around 12, 13 or more weeks! What the hell man? I've always heard that once you hit the 13 week mark you're pretty much in the clear.....and now....like 10 experiences of late miscarriages! I also have a friend that lost her baby at 13 weeks, so I know it happens, I just didn't know it happened so often to so many women! Now...I'm freaking out again. I was just trying to calm myself by telling myself that I'm almost 11 weeks and only have 2 weeks to go until I can relax and bam....I'm hit with all these sad stories of losses when it should have been past that for them.

I just don't know if I can bear trying again if I lose this baby. I just consider this one almost like a miracle baby because we've been TTC for so long that our fertility doc gave us only a 15% chance of conceiving per month (which means a whopping 85% chance NOT to conceive) and I just consider that really lucky in itself....so having it happen again....??? I'm not so sure. It's been such a long ordeal just getting pregnant again this time!

Well......here's to my pregnancy and HOPING that it works out for the best! I will keep everyone updated. I truly hope that all of your current pregnancies are strong and healthy as well and please keep us updated on this post as well as the weeks go on!

I will update after my 12 1/2 week ultrasound and OB Appt. on July 7.
post #24 of 28
nakking but totally healthy couples with no fertility issues at 25 only have a 20% chance of conception each month - so 15% at 30 sounds about right and perfectly normal.
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 

My worst fears have come true!

I received the surprising and unthinkable news on Friday July 2 (at 12 weeks pregnant) during an ultrasound that my baby's heart (around 10 wks, 2 days) had stopped beating. A fetal demise. Had to suffer through the weekend and on Monday July 5, I had a D&C surgery to remove it. It's been a month now...doing a bit better, but still heartbroken. Looking forward to TTC again in a couple months. Need to lose the 13 lbs I gained first though.
post #26 of 28
I'm so sorry that happened. Take gentle care of yourself as you heal.
post #27 of 28
Oh no. I'm so so sorry mama.

Take care of yourself, I'm sending you warm healing thoughts.
post #28 of 28
Oh mama, I am so sorry for your loss, and I can literally say I know how you feel. I want to tell you my story because after 2 m/c's I have one healthy amazing DD and another babe on the way. I'm gonna tell you a long story, but there's a point to it that I hope will be helpful for you when you get pg again.

So I had 2 1st trimester m/c's over the course of 2 yrs. 1st m/c just happened... started bleeding one day, called my midwife, she told me what would happen if it really was a m/c, it happened... it was awful and of course i was heartbroken.

2nd pregnancy I was still having pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, some nausea but mild) when i went in for the 8 wk ultrasound... baby demised at 6 weeks. I was so shocked - was only prepared for a m/c that happened the other way. Then to make things crazier, I didn't want a D&C at first, tried a few other ways to induce the m/c and that little bean held on to me (or I held onto it) so after another 2 weeks of trying I had to have a D&C anyway. Heartbroken.

Got pg a 3rd time. 1st ultrasound was fine, things looked right, fetal pole, so far so good. Now because I'd never had a healthy 8 wk ultrasound, I didn't knwo what a healthy one looked like. I'm at my 8 wk visit looking at the screen and the doc says "Well, there's the baby, there's the heartbeat... baby looks fine, so far so good. You also have a growth..." and there's this thing that's bigger than the baby that wasn't there at all at 6 wks, now is bigger than the baby. What is it? OB says "Iv'e seen it before, usually not serious, but it's worth having a Perinatal doc look at.

I start going to the perinatal doc, she names the growth (it's a chorioangioma), I look it up on the internet... and start FREAKING the F out. There's nothing they can do if it grows too big, but the good news is it's usually not a problem unless it grows a certain size.

Long story short, as the pregnancy progresses, the growth reaches that size. However, at every OB and perinatal appt, they also keep saying "The baby looks great. The baby is doing fine." They were concerned, but kept pointing out how well the baby was doing.

You know what I finally had to do, after doing as much research as possible, talking to both my docs and some midwives, and my DH and friends? I finally realized 2 things, and I SWEAR they are what got me and DD through this experience.

1) I had to accept that if things did go badly, there was nothing anyone could do about it. I'd be heartbroken, it would be ridiculously awful, but I couldn't stop it therefore I had to stop stressing myself out because stress can only make things harder. And stress CAN affect the pregnancy.

2) THE BABY WAS DOING FINE. I needed to focus on that and stop focusing on what might go wrong. I really felt like this was a big test of faith, a lot was riding on it, and I could only pass if I focused on the positive, had faith in my baby, and had faith in my body.

I *swear* that within weeks of having this serious shift in attitude, that growth started to shrink. We were now at about 6 1/2 months or so. My perinatal doc showed just how worried she was when she saw it was getting smaller and was SO relieved - she'd done a good job of staying calm and not further freaking me out, but she'd been very worried.

The growth continued to get smaller, baby continued to get bigger and be healthy, and I continued to work hard to envision a healthy fetus, pregnancy, placenta, and birth.

I should also say I have THREE friends who had late stage m/c (1 at 7 months, 2 at 8 months). So unlike most pregnant women who feel like once you're past 1st tri you're in the clear, I spent the.entire.pregnancy on edge and concerned. I didn't relax the whole time, but I DID stop myself from really stressing out, which would have taken a huge toll on my body and energy away from a fetus that needed it.

I didn't research daycare. I didn't buy much except the basics. I kept telling people "I'll believe everything's ok when I'm holding a healthy babe in my arms". But I continued to have faith.

So my learning was, if you can't change the outcome, you MUST learn to live with whatever is happening, focus on the positive, look for support, and hope for the best. And BELIEVE you will be ok no matter what, because somehow you will.

I'm now almost out of the 1st tri with a new babe, and I have the same attitude. 1st ultrasound there was yet ANOTHER mystery mass. At first I was like "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!" But I remembered what I'd learned and said "Baby looks fine, I will not be held captive by another mystery mass." As of 2nd ultrasound, looks like it's already not a problem. But if something crops up, I'm prepared to continue to focus on my faith that I'll be ok (and hopefully so will the baby).

Did you get to the end of this? You're a trooper! I wish you the best moving forward, and oh yeah one more thing: one of the 3 friends who had a late m/c, she had SEVEN m/cs before she had an incredibly healthy baby boy. I'm not saying I could get through 7 and keep trying, but it is possible. So don't lose hope at 2... it's actually very very common.

Best of luck honey!
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