Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse
He really isn't, though! I mean, you don't hate each other, right?
I'm not a terribly neat person by nature and what someone like me is saying is "I'm in a hurry to get to work and it's the first thing in the morning and I'm sleepy. Flies aren't circling the sinki, so I'm only barely aware that the sink even exists." or "I'm starving and I've got to eat my sandwich right now and I can always wipe down the counter later" and then he wanders off and eats his sandwich and lalala he forgets about the counter because he can't see it in front of him anymore.
Someone who is on the messy side is usually NOT thinking "I will force my beloved to clean this horrible horrible mess because I don't love her, ha ha ha, how she'll suffer!" -- he simply isn't thinking about messes at all. It doesn't occur to him that hairs in the sink are a big problem, and he doesn't notice their presence much and doesn't notice when they disappear. In his mental list of "things that must be done by someone" there is no entry for "wipe up the tiny beard hairs that fall in the sink."
Okay, true, true! Thanks for the perspective. I just will say, hey dude wipe the sink and he'll say--
I'll get to it later it's not time to clean the bathroom it's ____ time (I know he's busy and has very little down time), and I just grit my teeth coz I know he'll forget about it and I will get to it next time I swish the bathroom.
Originally Posted by moonmama22
Yes - and like pps have said, then I just end up frustrated because the mess has multiplied. AND I am not married to a man, AND my dw cleans other people's houses for a living. She helps with the basics, like laundry and vaccuuming, but the clutter, and stuff just left where it ends up doesn't bother her like it bothers me, so I end up stomping around the house picking everyone's crap up. It is a constant argument.
Good to know that it's not solely a gender issue! The clutter drives me crazy, too. I cannot STAND crap all over table and counter surfaces, and that is my own obsession, so I try to make a point to go through and make sure that the coffee table, dining table, and kitchen counters are relatively free from extraneous items before bed; that way I wake up and I'm not all
when I see the surfaces.
BTW, I try to stick to a modified Fly Lady system. I don't get the emails or do the zones along with the group, but I do have a control journal and daily routines. I never thought I would need "go outside and drink water" as a list item to do every day, but just having these little steps on paper to look at and remind me keeps me relatively sane and the house relatively in order. I have daily major tasks like Monday is major clean-up and laundry, Tuesday is garden/fridge/menu plan, Wednesday is major kitchen work, etc. Also, if it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done; I forgive myself and the house and let it wait til the next day/week that the task rolls around in my control journal *shrug* I think having a laid-out system like fly lady is worth a try. Being domestic and keeping the house in order does NOT come naturally to me, so I have to train myself. Like a dog.
If I were working full-time, I would probably set up the 'control journal' to be more family-public (vs. specific to me) and make it very clear that these tasks MUST to be done on their specific days and really try to hold the whole household accountable for sticking to the lists, then hope that dp would start to see more of what happens to keep us from spinning into chaos.
Sooo jealous of you mamas who are saying your partner does equal/most at this point. I really can't even imagine my dp taking the initiative to do all this stuff--it's just not as much of a priority for him--it really doesn't bother him if the bathtub gets manky, for instance. Lucky lucky ladies!