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So this is what a 'high-needs' baby is? - Page 2

post #21 of 46
Originally Posted by omelette View Post
I would get him settled, nurse him and I would strap him in the rocking chair in the bathroom and have the quickest shower ever. Now he's figured out how to escape the chair so I don't get to shower anymore.
The highchair worked great for us (still using it actually) when DS outgrew the chair & the swing. Our highchair has 5-point straps so he can't get out of it, plus he likes being closer to my level. He still screams for half my shower some days (and he's 15mos), but I just hand him toys and hurry up. Anyway, just a thought, if you have a good highchair! (And the funniest part is he eats in a booster seat so we only use the highchair for showers these days )
post #22 of 46
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Surely there are ways I can help him adjust...I don't have to accept all of this right?...Or do I?
I would give it some time. for the first few months there's not a huge gap between his wants and needs. We've just adjusted to the fact that DS needs constant attention.

Now that he's a little older and can sit up an play on his own, we are able to put him down for 10-15 minutes at a time!

We put him down, and he fusses a bit, but we can usually distract him with toys for a few minutes. We are trying to gradually teach him that he can figure out stuff for himself, and praise him from a distance. We play peek a boo and other games that put a bit of physical distance between us. I also play with him or sing to him while he's being held by other people, and praise him when we are out in public and he's not screaming at anyone. I like to think that it helps.
post #23 of 46
Just saw how young young young your little one was-- For immediate suggestions this is what we did with our little one at that age:

white noise-- either the radio or broken fan on above our stove.
moby wrap
patio swing
baby hammock
DH would hold him in one hand (superman!) and swing him around in a circle
brush our teeth in front of him
Finally, in desperation, I would turn on the tv.
post #24 of 46
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Surely there are ways I can help him adjust...I don't have to accept all of this right?...Or do I?
For me it ended up being easier to just resign myself to 'accepting' it. Fighting it, forcing him to move beyond his comfort zone, etc. just left us ALL more stressed out in the end. I think in the early weeks & months, it was easier to just do whatever it takes to make him happy. For DS, white noise (static on the TV) and spending lots of time outside were our 'miracle cures' but not much else made a difference. He just never wanted to be put down, always wanted to nurse, and I found it easier to just oblige. But, I know other moms find it easier to set some limits for their own sanity!
post #25 of 46
I am with the just accept it camp too. My daughter was so high needs and still is as a 3 year old, but it's different. I could not even put her in a sling. She thankfully enjoyed the swing until she was 5 months old and from 5 months to nearly 18 months she was in my arms or very darn near close. It got better the more mobile she became. She was happy to be able to follow me around. I will always say having her as a baby was way harder than any of the toddler stuff, though being 3 is challenging. We will get through this too.

My second is almost 4 months old and so mellow. I didn't know they made babies like this. I now get why people keep having babies. Though we did it again after our daughter. I must say though I lived through my pregnancy in total fear of having another high needs baby.

*eta* I have to add that as hard as my daughter was she was also the happiest baby you have ever seen. When around other babies her age she always had the biggest smiles and laughs. She laughs as hard as she screams is what I use to say.

Oh, and she was tv free for 2 years. It can be done, but you don't get much else done!
post #26 of 46
DD1 was "high needs", or so I thought. Then dd2 came along and dear gods. I describe dd1 as a furnace. Powerful, difficult to handle, but fundamentally social and part of a home. DD2 I describe as a forest fire. Powerful, dangerous, unpredictable, encompasing, uncontrollable. I love her, but calling it Stockholm Syndrome is only a little bit of a stretch. Thank above and below that ds is a campfire with smores and sing alongs... just a smiling meatball of a baby.

DD2 was eventually diagnosed with SPD and Reynaud's syndrome, so at least we have that.

showers- I had dh hold dd2 for my daily shower. Like you if I don't get that shower things get grim. She'd scream while dh held her, but she was held. If dh wasn't there I tried a few things...

--one of those inclined bouncy/vibrating chairs in the bathroom. I used it when I needed to use the toilet and she wasn't in the ergo. When she was super tiny I'd swaddle her and pop her in that.

--setting her in a baby bath in the shower with me. Not ideal since I'd spend most of my shower taking care of her. But better than no shower.

--a really tight swaddle (use the miracle blanket type thing if you can't get a regular blanket tight enough), then put her down in the cosleeper, the bouncy, or on the bathroom floor (on a blanket).

Books that sometimes, kind of, almost helped... the Dr Sears High Need Baby book, Raising a Sensory Smart Child, No Cry Sleep Solution (because it gave me lots of different things to try so I always had hope that maybe the next thing would work ), and the Itsy Bitsy Yoga book because dd2 liked yoga (she still does, it's part of her therapy) and I could get dd1 involved too and sometimes dd2 would fall asleep after 20-30 minutes of yoga and I'd be able to breath.

And the ergo. I actually wore out an ergo with dd2. She was worn nearly every minute we weren't all together in bed... when I checked the ergo during my third pregnancy it was more or less worn through in places. I had to get another one!

Hang in there! Do whatever you have to do to nurture yourself and recover your strength. I had a 4th degree tear birthing dd2 and couldn't move easily, plus the 2yo dd1. So I kind of bribed myself to get back my balance while also getting a handle on the insanity that was dd2. One thing I did was scatter treats around the house, and I had a basket of special foods/books next to the bed and couch. I tried to reframe the "every btwo hours, 34/7 nursing sessions" and endless holding as a chance for a goody for me. It helped a bit.

Big hugs and hopes for soothing showers and sleep!
post #27 of 46

What kind of swing did you get? The only one that dd would sit in was the rainforest or the ocean ones my fisher price like thishttp://www.toysrus.com/product/index...ductId=3799972. I guess becuase of the lights, and she liked to swing side to side, not front to back.

A bouncer was a must have aswell, like this

Have you tried bathing with your lo? That is what i would have to do, i got a solarvail sling and would just take a super fast shower.

And then there where the days and sometime i admit there were weeks that i just didnt shower.

I highly suggest you find a good shampoo and condition in one, and get one of those razors that have the built in soap/shaving cream...those where life savers!!!
post #28 of 46

just throwing this out there

My first was high needs. Had to be held, walked, bounced, butt patted, and on boob. All at the same time, all the time. I lost my mind, the sleep deprivation for 8 months killed me.

I stopped dairy products and I am still not drinking milk with baby number two. Seems to help.

The milk goes through mom and if your nursing, it causes colic.

Wanted to share my experience in case it might help. But high needs is high needs. this might just help?
post #29 of 46
My DD was one of THOSE babies and i was a single mama. It was not, ahem, "fun".

For showers: I had a shallow bath and brought her in with me. I put her in her carseat/bouncer on the bathroom floor and sang to her while i washed - she cried, but i was right there singing to her which given i had no other option but NOT wash, had to be enough for us. I folded a towel and made a "nest" in the sink and put her in it.

As she grew it got easier. When they're tiny they just don't get anything, where you are, what's happening, etc. Once she was a few months old and could and would seek eye contact/verbal connection from me when she was upset it got a bit easier.

FWIW my DD also hated dummies. Do you swaddle? I swaddled with her arms bent and she found her thumb at 8 weeks, which let my poor wrinkled pinky finger finally start to dry out....

Hang in there mama, my DD was REALLY hard going as a tiny infant, but she is a full-on but loving, helpful, entertaining 4yo. She's so much fun at 4 that right now i'm looking forward to her new sibling and wishing i didn't have to go through the newborn phase to get to the 3yo phase by turns!
post #30 of 46
Hang in there!
post #31 of 46
my new shower trick (although DD is anything but high needs... even as a 1st timer i can see that!) because i don't like showering at night, and i'm not really an early morning person, is to shower right after her last early morning feed... at like 5 am. she's sound asleep with dad in bed, and i can have as long and as hot of a shower as i want. then i wrap a towel around my hair and go back to bed. when we wake up for good around 8, my hair is still a bit damp, and i feel pretty fresh still.

it's not as bad as trying to get up for a shower around 6-7am when my husband is still home, because then i really can't get back to sleep.
post #32 of 46
Thread Starter 
I was thinking about doing that SilverFish...at the moment - I have a really GREAT friend! We live right next to the school her children go to so she is dropping in a few mornings a week to hold baby Hamish whilst I shower! He even fell asleep in her arms and of course she was able to swaddle him up and put him down!...ugh! Why can't I do that?! lol.... Well I managed it this afternoon! He is currently all swaddled up on the bed sleeping soundly! I hoovered and I even swept the porch! The trick really is to put him down when he is in DEEP sleep...it is just getting there thats a bother as well cause he is SO alert and awake all the time! ...seriously thinking of getting him a pushchair because I love my slings but am feeling a bit hostage to them!...

We did a CO who came out when he was a week old for our breastfeeding issues (he would scream if he got near me, wasn't latching on or even trying!)...and she really helped! ... Think I should see her again a few more times though. I really just don't think this is him - he did have a traumatic birth and he just seems like hes...I don't know...still gestating or something! lol
post #33 of 46
Thread Starter 
Oh - by the way...the swing is just a travel back and forth swing because our house is really tiny. I don't think he is fussed about the movement though in all honesty. The times I have been able to put him down (in DEEP sleep) - he has been motionless the whole while. I don't know...I can't work him out. He is SO opposite to DS1...
post #34 of 46
Do you have two different lights in your bathroom controlled by two different light switches?

I ask because in our bathroom the only way to have the exhaust fan on is to also have the overhead light on. Well, DH and I both like to take showers in darker rooms, so we switched that light out with a blue CFL. Gives the room a nice blue glow (sort of like a blacklight, really). We have lights over the mirror, to, so that's why we were able to do that.

So between the blue light, the sound of the exhaust fan, and the sound of the little counter heater we have, the bathroom usually keeps L content for at least a few minutes. If we can time it right at nap time, she'll sleep in there for quite a while!
post #35 of 46
I'm sorry, Ann! No wonder we haven't seen as much of you in the April DDC lately.
I have to laugh at myself for occasionally thinking my baby is "high needs"... it's more that her newbie parents are kinda inexperienced, incompetent and impatient (I know this isn't hte case for you). I have a friend who had a very easy baby, though, and she has grown into a fearless, somewhat devilish spirited toddler. So you just never know - what is relatively easy for me now and hard for you might totally shift in a few years, months, weeks, hours...
I wish I had some advice for you but I think I'm saying that you should hang out with someone with a more difficult baby for perspective. Probably not the best advice!
I hope you can get a shower soon... otherwise, perhaps a baby wipes wipe down at his next changing? I have done this!
post #36 of 46
Thread Starter 
We had success this morning! He was awake for two hours so I swaddled him tightly and was able to put him in the sling when he feel asleep!

I think thats part of the BIG problem with him. He is so alert and awake and takes so much help in getting him to sleep!

Got my eye on some of those swaddle blankets on ebay now! lol
post #37 of 46
I shower in the morning, before DH goes to work. He gets up, showers, then comes and gets me so I can shower. If DS is still sleeping (in our bed) we switch places, and then switch back after my shower. But with the birds getting up at 430, DS is up before the alarm goes off. But I still shower before DH goes to work. He knows he can't leave until I get a shower.

It gets easier as they get older (usually). DS is 13 mo. I don't know how high-needs he is on a high-needs scale (there will always be someone who is worse off than you!), but I've never been able to put him down for a nap, or in a swing, a bouncy seat, a bumbo seat, etc... (the excersaucer did work for about 5-10 min at a time). at the moment, he's napping in the ergo - it's been about 2 hours now. but he's walking (and running), and will play by himself as long as I'm in the room, usually. It does get better.

I used to get really mad that he wasn't like "other babies" and wished everyone would just stop asking about nap times, car seats, swings etc. and stop giving me advice. Now that he's walking/running around and has a long list of words & is starting to string them together, I can really appreciate his individuality. All that time he spent clung to me he was observing, figuring out how things work. He's not afraid of anything (except me leaving the room, but that passes as soon as I'm out of sight & someone distracts him). I can take him anywhere, and he's such a social ambassador. I've learned what works for us, and have stopped worrying about what other people are doing. It's hard, I'm exhausted all the time, but DS also blows my mind on a daily basis. We have bad days, but... they're not that bad.

When my in-laws come to visit, and I hold him all thru his nap, they always remark - 'wow, he wakes up happy - i've never seen a baby who does that' and all I can think of is, yes, he's happy - because he's not stuck in a crib in a dark room by himself shut away from the world, and doesn't have to cry to let people know he's up. he wakes up on mom, smiling & secure. and we're ready to roll.

my house is a mess, the laundry doesn't always get done before we're desperately out of clean clothes, but we're happy. everything else is just stuff.
post #38 of 46
My first baby wasn't high needs but he was very alert and very, very hard to get to sleep during the day. He was a terrible napper for the first years of his life but at 2 he started taking 2 hour naps every day! Of course, now at 3 he's stopped napping altogether but he does go down very easily at night. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My advice is this - try to accept it and see the positives. If he isn't going to sleep anyway, you don't have to be stuck in the house. Get out with your older son and have fun and let your little alert monkey watch everything that is going on. He will probably catnap throughout the day. Don't drive yourself crazy dedicating your day to trying to get him to sleep. I did that with my first and it was torture. Once I accepted the situation and saw the positives (not tied to the house) I was a lot happier.

Oh, and by the way, my mum says it is a sign of intelligence and my little guy has certainly grown into a very bright and inquisitive child.

ETA: I couldn't take a shower when I was on my own either. Sorry, no help with that. I support you putting him somewhere safe for 5 minutes though if it's something you really need for yourself. I didn't mind being stinky!
post #39 of 46
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
I just want to know how I can get a shower....

Once I am clean and dressed and have a sling on - we can handle the day (as long as it isn't overstiumlating...)...

But - I really need that shower...
I had my first shower alone last week in nearly a year (other than when DH is home). I have had to take DS in the shower with me since he was a few weeks old. Luckily he loves water maybe cause he was water birthed. Was scary at first having a tiny bub in the shower and awkward later as he is now 11 months and 13kg (28lb cause he is a high needs all night eater) and tries to nurse in the shower. Admittedly my alone shower was taken with the shower door open and him playing on the bathroom floor. Baby steps eh?
post #40 of 46
I don't know if it's showering ALONE that you want or just showering in general...but I bought a large strip (5 mts) of bathing suit material at the fabric store (about 5 dollars) and I cut it in half lengthwise and I made two swimsuit slings, for use in the ocean, the pool and the shower. I used the sling tie instructions from the moby wrap homepage for the shower and shower with her.

She LOVED the shower and I loved being able to have one, so win-win.

Then I'd just hang the wrap on the line and it was dry in no time.

But I have to second the tight swaddle, especially in the first few months. dd outgrew the need MUCH sooner than her brother, but she didn't really need that often to begin with. DS was a flailer. He needed swaddling tight and double tied until he was 8 months. He also needed hella loud white noise constantly. He needed that until...well he STILL needs that to sleep really well, but not as loud as he did when he was under one. Now he gets away with a ceiling fan, at a younger age we kept a hairdryer on hi on the cool setting under his basinette...all night long. if you turned it off, his eyes would pop open like a kernel of corn in hot oil.

He also needed blackout curtains until...wel he still sleeps better with blackout curtains. When we moved to scotland and had no blackout curtains, I taped black garbage bags to his windows to block out the light. here we just got very dark curtain and chose the least sunny room for him.

And he used a pacifier for six months...he spat it out of his own accord, but it really helped him to calm himself.

I never would have described him as high needs, because we employed these things from the beginning (we got a copy of the happiest baby on the block as a pre-baby gift and used it from day one and it totally worked with him), but if we had taken those things away or if we forgot our own heads and denied him any of those sleep needs, he was...ummmm, hard to love. He was LOUD, and needed holding all the time (but we found the ratio to holding throughout to the day to legth of sleeping on his own was related...the more we held him all day, the longer he slept...and this is till true to an extent. The more we cuddle and play with him in the day and the evening the faster he goes to sleep and the longer he stays asleep.) and though a good eater and hardly ever sick he was just active. It got better when he got moving (at about 8 mo and walking by 11mo).

So, hang in there. before I discovered the idea of showering with the baby, I didn't shower until DH came home. I was stinky.
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