ignoring tantrums & how to handle other parents' feedback? - Page 2

[ellairiesmom]

so much great feedback here & i appreciate everyone's comments...i am rereading & going to try & respond more in depth over the next couple days. there are some things that definitely stood out though. thank you all.

i realize i need to focus on my dd1s personality more closely & take note of which techniques work more so than others. i feel like i need to put them in categories (that tends to help me in general when learning)
1) redirect
2) acknowledge feelings
3) ignore
4) remove from situation

she is soooo verbal & soooo in tune with stuff around her. why did i take in all that DHA when pregnant???

and i think my bf does mean well but i think it can be hard to be the "newer" parents in your crowd of friends. i am the oldest of 4 children & am used to experiencing things 1st so i guess each stage i experience will be a challenge in terms of accepting feedback & criticisms. it's so different than criticism at work or school...it's on the truly most personal & impt thing i will ever do...mothering...

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by ellairiesmom

and i think my bf does mean well but i think it can be hard to be the "newer" parents in your crowd of friends.

yes, and I think that you need to talk to your friend about it.

I doubt she realizes how she is making you feel. More experienced moms need to learn when to let a newer mom figure things out or do things differently. This isn't going to pass when the trantrums pass -- her kids start school first, hit puberty first, learn to drive first, and will move out first.

[spughy]

I think the most important thing to recognize with tantrums is that they are almost solely the product of frustration, and depending on what caused the frustration, different strategies may "work" - but honestly, I'm not a fan of ignoring a tantruming child. I think that hard as it is, you have to show your children that you love them and that you're there for them even when they're behaving like antisocial hyenas. That doesn't necessarily mean reasoning with them, but sitting with them or holding them helps the bond between you. It might not help the tantrum end any sooner, but in that case very little will, and you might as well work on building a stronger relationship instead of showing your child that he or she isn't welcome in your attentions unless he's displaying socially appropriate behaviour. But, that's just me, and goodness knows that's easier to say than do. It's a goal, anyway!

And I just had to comment on this:

Originally Posted by JMJ

"You can't play in the fridge. Get out of my way. You're always in my way. I can't get anything done with you around. Why can't you go play with toys like normal kids?

Ha ha ha... you would like to THINK that normal kids play with toys. Not so. IME, which includes my own child, countless hours of childcare and post-partum doula work with up to 6-mo babies - toys are NOT the plaything of choice. Sticks, trees, rocks - all fab. Kitchen implements, remote controls, telephones, computers/keyboards, anything that can conceivably hold water... these are what kids *really* want to play with. The toy industry was built around parents' notions of what's fun, not kids'. If your kid wants to play in the kitchen, a cheap salad spinner, some measuring cups, and some sacrificial lettuce are the way to go.

[AbbieB]

Follow your heart OP. If in the situation your heart says for you to talk to your child, than do it. (The day will come as your child matures that your heart will tell you to ignore, trust me. I've been there.)

I do not see a tantrum in a young child to be something that requires discipline. There is no "nipping it in the bud". It's more a matter of a young child feeling overwhelmed or frustrated but not yet knowing how to express it appropriately.