What to tell people when they notice my son's "differences?"

[KLM99]

My son has ocular albinism - he otherwise looks totally "normal," but he has pretty severe nystagmus (eyes shaking). I've noticed strangers who come up to him (like strangers seem to do with babies) who of course are very polite, but I can tell they are thinking that something's different. Also, I've had friends or acquaintances meet my son and I feel like I need to tell them what's going on, because surely they notice. Am I just making up that people even notice? How do you deal with this? Obviously it may be different for strangers versus friends.

[~cassie]

Different health issue here but our son is easily identified as different and I don't usually say anything unless asked specifically. It's probably easier for people to ask me b/c they can just say "do those help his hearing" vs "what's wrong with him" you know?

I am sure people notice something off but I wouldn't have a clue how to say anything, or even if you should.

[askew]

My 3.5 year old has Nystagmus. I never mention it unless someone asks. His is fairly mild at this point, but when he was a baby it was really noticeable. Especially since babies just stare at things. Harder to notice on a busy toddler who is always looking around. Only twice in his life has anyone asked me about it, and then I answered the questions. I just figure if they really want to know they will ask, otherwise I treat it as a non issue. I did, however, mention it to his teachers when he started preschool.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I think with aquaintances and strangers, you don't need to say anything much if they don't ask. As for friends, I'd just tell them exactly what you just told us!

[MindfulBirth]

I'm all for being open about it if you see people looking like they would like to ask, but aren't sure how to ask without seeming rude.

Even as the mom of a special needs kid, I never know how to ask about another child's special needs, but I would really LIKE to talk about it.. both for "awareness" and support.

[MotherWhimsey]

I just answer the questions that people ask and try to make it seem as normal as possible. We get asked a LOT of questions because Linden's tubes are uncommon and visible but he's very verbal and has a ton of personality, so he tends to stand out (uh, that crazy screaming kid that's being a monster on the playground sort of way). If people don't ask I don't answer, but I don't ignore questions or comments unless they're really rude.

With people who are around you every day it's different. Obviously some might not ask but do wonder. That's when I tend to leave openings so that they know they can ask about it if they want to.

[Lilypie32]

I don't think you need to say anything unless someone asks you or you feel comfortable in doing so. I was born blind in one eye and it is definitely identifiable. I rarely get asked about it and I never volunteer the info unless asked or if I need assistance while out and about. Do what you feel comfortable with!

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

I agree with everyone else. I don't usually say anything unless asked. For us, it's usually kids that "spot" the differences before adults, so that is a sometimes prickly situation (since I become on guard worrying about bullying, etc.), but even then, I just say what the trach stoma is or the g-tube is in the most basic way, as if it's no big deal.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by askew

I never mention it unless someone asks.

Originally Posted by Lilypie32

I rarely get asked about it and I never volunteer the info unless asked or if I need assistance while out and about. Do what you feel comfortable with!

Originally Posted by MindfulBirth

Even as the mom of a special needs kid, I never know how to ask about another child's special needs...

I think I don't ask about it, in part, because I don't enjoy these "what's wrong with your kid?!?" types of discussions...