At a crossroads

[odoole]

Haven't posted on this site for a while; DS has been keeping me very busy1

I'll try to keep this short. We're at a bit of a crossroads with DS and his nighttime routine and I'm not totally sure where we should go from here.

He's 9.5 months and has been cosleeping with us for the past 4 months or so "officially", and has been really sleeping with us since birth "unofficially". I really love it and besides his middle-of-the night play sessions, we all sleep pretty well at the moment with relatively few nightwakings. (Or maybe there are tons and I've just gotten to the point where I don't remember in the morning ... in any case, we all feel pretty well-rested).

So, we're moving to a new city in a few weeks, and that has got us talking about changing the arrangement.

DH kind of/sort of likes cosleeping, but he's not 100% behind it and is interested in seeing DS out of the bed sooner rather than later. If I had my druthers, I would keep DS in bed until he was old enough to really understand bedtime and the concept of us being in the next room and have the ability to get up and walk to our room on his own when he needs to. I don't have any idea what age that would happen at -- maybe 18 months???

Starting in a month or so, DH will be the full-time stay-at-home dad, and I will be working a lot of hours. DH really wants to see DS in his own room by then. I prefer to keep DS in our room still, but I can't use the "we can move DS if you agree to do all the nightwakings ..." strategy because DH will say "great! I'll do all the nightwakings."

Soooo ... not sure what to do here. DH is very conventional and just wants to put DS back in the crib and tough it out during what he acknowledges will be a tough transition. I simply cannot see DS back in a crib, though I would be sort of ok with him being on a mattress on the floor. I'm intrigued by the idea of a Montessori bed, but our set-up is not baby-friendly enough to let DS be in his room by himself, and I highly suspect DH would not be ok with buying all new furniture for this enterprise.

So, I guess I'm just looking for advice. At the end of the day, I really just want to avoid the crib and have the ability to lay down with DS and sleep with him when he's having a tough time sleeping on his own. What is the youngest age for a toddler bed? Do any of you have positive experiences with a Montessori bedroom, and any advice for how to make DH more amenable to a co-sleeping arrangement and/or how to make the transition easy on DS?

Thanks!

[Louisep]

We have bought a day bed with a trundle that turns it into a king. It's our guest bed for now but eventually will be DSs bed and the trundle means it is super easy for either or us to cosleep if DS needs us. Some mamas get futon mattresses to do the same thing.

My other thought is why don't you cosleep with your son without your dh?

[odoole]

Thanks for the response.

Well, DH is even more opposed to us sleeping apart than DS sleeping in our bed for another year. So I know he would not go for that option.

I am leaning toward mattress on the floor, maybe first in our room, then move him to his own room. I just don't have any concept of how old he will need to be before he can be left on his own his own room without getting himself in too much trouble. When is extreme babyproofing no longer an issue? In other words -- if I do put him in his own room and do it without a crib, as I would hope, when can I put back his bookshelf and dresser drawers and lamps and all the other non-baby friendly options. (We live in a tiny apartment, so it's not as though there's a ton of other space to put this ...)

We do have a twin futon mattress but it strikes me as kind of hard and uncomfortable. Would he wake up sore like I do every time I sleep on it?

[Louisep]

My son is younger than yours so I'm not best placed to advise but the mattress idea sounds good.

Will be interested to hear what others say about baby proofing.

[odoole]

Originally Posted by Louisep

My son is younger than yours so I'm not best placed to advise but the mattress idea sounds good.

Will be interested to hear what others say about baby proofing.

Actually my son is only 9.5 months, born August 2009.

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by odoole

Actually my son is only 9.5 months, born August 2009.

Oops! Well, at 16 months I think DS would find us in the night and I'm pretty comfortable with our baby proofing though not sure I would want him up without us realizing. You need to secure shelving units and chest of drawers etc to the walls.

[praisehimau]

matress on the floor. we did this and it worked well. our lo could find me in the night and later the transition to own room was smooth.
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[odoole]

Originally Posted by praisehimau

matress on the floor. we did this and it worked well. our lo could find me in the night and later the transition to own room was smooth.
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Thanks. Can I ask what ages you made the transition to the floor and later the own room?

[praisehimau]

yes. we started with the matress about 9 months. I had it right next to the bed. Then at about 20 months we moved it to her room, but started using a bed in there almost straight away. I would nurse to sleep then place on the natress. If my lo woke, she would find me and I would nurse again and put her back on the matress. In the middile of the night, I would take her back to bed with me.
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