WHen baby is screaming and you're going to lose it...update # 44

[Ellien C]

What do YOU do? My newborn is sitting on the floor screaming his head off. I was looking holding on all afternoon to DH coming home and taking the baby to give me some relief, but older daughter was throwing a fit about something at school - that we never heard of - and he took her to that. I just had to put him down and walk away, but I just don't know what to do here. I cannot nurse him anymore - it hurts. He's exhausted and I can't get him to sleep. He has been awake for at least 5 hours - and the last nap was only half an hour.

[4Blessings]

Rock.

The rocking chair is a wonderful way to relax- for you and the baby.

Good Luck!

[goinggreengirl]

When my little one is exhausted like that, I just hold him close to my chest and rock like PP said. Really big rocking motions. Also, turn on the vacuum - makes my baby instantly silent while he listens to it.
Hope those work for you! good luck! I know how hard it is to hear your little one so upset!

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

What do YOU do? My newborn is sitting on the floor screaming his head off. I was looking holding on all afternoon to DH coming home and taking the baby to give me some relief, but older daughter was throwing a fit about something at school - that we never heard of - and he took her to that. I just had to put him down and walk away, but I just don't know what to do here. I cannot nurse him anymore - it hurts. He's exhausted and I can't get him to sleep. He has been awake for at least 5 hours - and the last nap was only half an hour.

If you are truely about to lose it (and I have been there) then put him in a safe place where he can't roll away, like a crib or playpen, and WALK AWAY. Take whatever time you need to calm down. Scream into a pillow, throw some marshmallows, even just sit in the next room and cry too, if that's what you need. You can even, if it will help, take a short shower. If your child is safely contained and you are truely on the edge, it is safer for your child to scream in the crib for 5 or 10 minutes while you shower to calm down, than for you to allow his screaming to drive you over that edge.

But, if you are just totally stressed and don't feel like you are actually a danger, there are all sorts of other suggestions. You can get in the car with him and drive around if he likes that. The previous poster suggested rocking, that might help. You could both take a bath together, if warm water might calm him down. Or just give him a bath. Have you tested every single piece of baby furniture that you own? If you have been holding him all day, perhaps he's just touched out. Maybe try him in the swing, bouncy seat, even in the car seat. Try swaddling tighter, or totally unswaddling. I know you said he's a newborn, but check his gums, some babies can teeth REALLY early. Perhaps a cold teething toy for him to suck on.

Also, call your mom or sister or other family or friend close by, see if they have any other suggestions, or perhaps can just come over to help. Perhaps your family can suggest something that helped when YOU were a baby.

[annettemarie]

(((Eileen))) I aree, if you're absolutely going to lose it, walk away for a moment or two.

My second was colicky, and I thought I was going to die. Mixing it up really helped. Go outside, use a stroller or a swing, go for a drive. Call a friend, call a relative. I hope he calms down soon.

[colsxjack]

When our DD was a newborn and screamed endlessly I would first unstrip her and redress her...in case it was a tag sticking into her or something else uncomfortable.

Then I would hold her so that her head was in my hand and out on front of my body and her body was laying against my arm with my other hand under her bum, and I would rock her up and down in quite big movements. I would make a rhythmic shush sound and close my eyes and just try to meditate. I would concentrate myself to make sure that I didn't speed up my rocking or shushing sounds. This helped to keep me calm and calmed the baby down.

It was hard on the shoulders and arms though.

[Megan73]

ITA with PPs, if you're almost over the edge, put baby down somewhere safe, walk away and take some deep breaths or a quick shower. He'll be fine. Really.
Otherwise, put him in the sling and just start walking.
I had a colicky baby and it was a few months of pure Hell. Then he grew out of it and became this fabulous happy baby.
Hang in there, mama.

[nola79]

I agree to put the baby in a safe place and walk away until you have regained composure and then rock, rock, rock. Our rocking chair has been a lifesaver with dd. She'll even cry for the first few minutes, but if I continue to rock and sing to her, she just calms right down and usually goes to sleep. Good Luck mama, I do hope you get some relief, a crying baby can be soo frustrating.
Walking in the sling or baby carrier works, too!

[MissRubyandKen]

ITA with pp. Sometimes they cry for a reason we can figure out and fix for them, sometimes they just cry. After trying to help, is it gas, is it position, is it uncomfortable clothes, too hot, too cold, etc, when they are still crying for long periods it is frustrating to anybody. And to that the usual sleeplessness of having a newborn. Totally ask for help if there is anybody to give it. And yes, walk away for a few, please without feeling guilty about it. Its what a good mama does. If you think its at all related to digestive discomfort you could post in the breastfeeding forum for advice. My last girl I used to walk her buddha style. Her legs tucked in like a frog, facing front. That and belly massages really seemed to help her. This too shall pass. Hugs.

[Pandme]

Bouncy ball. Baby on boppy in my lap. Bounce while watching some TV or listening to music.

[Ellien C]

I did walk away to post here. We've rocked, we've "slinged" and we've tried the bouncy seat we've swaddled and we've nursed again. He was quiet while he was on the boob, but as soon as I took it out, he woke up and started screaming again. I'm just SO PISSED that DH is not here. It was all I could do to make it until 5:30 on Friday (and I called him at 4:50 to make sure he would be home.). He didn't get home until 6:30 pm and then took DD right out because SHE was throwing a fit. I can't believe it's been 2 hours and they aren't home yet! I don't have any family in town.

[annettemarie]

Will he suck on your pinky finger? Mine never took pacis, but sometimes a finger was "fleshy" enough if I couldn't stand nursing for one more second.

[lolar2]

Do you have a swing? My friend's baby would get like you describe and nothing but the swing would help.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Will he suck on your pinky finger? Mine never took pacis, but sometimes a finger was "fleshy" enough if I couldn't stand nursing for one more second.

Only until he figures out it's not the nipple.

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady

If you are truely about to lose it (and I have been there) then put him in a safe place where he can't roll away, like a crib or playpen, and WALK AWAY. Take whatever time you need to calm down. Scream into a pillow, throw some marshmallows, even just sit in the next room and cry too, if that's what you need. You can even, if it will help, take a short shower. If your child is safely contained and you are truely on the edge, it is safer for your child to scream in the crib for 5 or 10 minutes while you shower to calm down, than for you to allow his screaming to drive you over that edge.

:

I totally understand. When you're needing and looking forward to a break and counting down the hours, it is SO HARD to keep going. Keep taking breaks for yourself and re-trying what you've tried. Eventually he'll get exhausted enough to sleep. Something I've seen work is the mom taking some strong chamomile tea - I don't know if it actually goes through the milk and affects the baby, but at least it calmed her enough to deal with his screaming fit without losing it.

[rhiOrion]

Sometimes when even the sling doesn't work the combo of sling and exercise ball does. Doesn't help right now if you don't own one, but it could work wonders in the future.

But yeah, sometimes this baby just won't be quiet, and I've definitely had to just put her down a couple of times.

I second the bath idea. She was just screaming and I got in the shower with her and she calmed for the time she was in the shower, at least.

[KTProvi]

My baby (7 wks now) calms down *instantly* when I take him outside. When he starts screaming at 5 or 6 pm, every night, I stick him in the sling w a paci and take him outside. The fresh air calms him down immediately, even just bouncing on our front porch (taking a walk is even better). Sling/ swaddle is major.

But I also TOTALLY get being steaming mad your husband isn't home. All I can say is talk yourself down - it's not worth it and is not helping you. This time in your lives in temporary and he can't possibly know what it's like for you and how crazy-making exhausting it is. let go of the anger and focus on calming down the baby and yourself. good luck!

[cristeen]

I agree with walking away. I had days like that when my guy was little, too.

And I'd also be steaming mad at my DH and I'd be reading him the riot act when he finally does get home.

Have you read the Happiest Baby on the Block? I highly recommend getting ahold of a copy of the DVD if you can find it, or the book if you can't. My midwife came over one night at 2 am to show me hot to properly swaddle him... he'd been screaming for hours and he stopped the minute she swaddled him. But even now at 8 mos, there are nights when we employ the 5 S's. Like tonight, when DH had to use them to get him to go to sleep. In short, to get you through tonight - swaddle, side lying, swinging, shushing and sucking. We tend to do them in that order, and usually one will get him calmed down, sometimes 2 is sufficient for sleep, and we've only had a few nights that have required all 5.

HTH

[treeoflife3]

I never could walk away from my baby... knowing she was crying and clearly bothered with SOMETHING, whether I could hear her or not, just hurt my heart too much. I'd feel worse going back to her than I did before leaving.

Very few things worked with her. in a sling while I pace and bounce (couldn't just walk, I had to have a fast bounce to my step) and then sang 'the ants go marching one by one' in the lowest octave I could (which still hurt my throat) was the only thing that worked the most often. It had to be while I was singing too. sometimes the really loud rhythmic SHH SHH SHH would work.. but singing that specific song worked best. I think she liked the vibrations in my chest along with how I sang it slowly.. it probably sounded more like a death march than a fun kids song to anyone who might have heard me. Of course, I felt like I was on a death march so...

[bender]

I'd stick baby in a laundry basket, put the basket in the bathroom and take a shower. The noise of the fan and shower would calm him down. The shower made me feel better. If he wouldn't stop crying, I'd bring him in the shower with me.