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I really think I am going to cry - Update #27

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
We're in Maine for my BIL's wedding. It's been a tough couple of days - a really long delay at the airport, DD's sleeping schedule is all wacky with travel and time changes, our food consumption has been mainly crap, lots of strangers coming and going, etc, etc. All of this has made it rough for my DD - she's either deliriously happy (Oh! Look! Cousins!) or totally unhappy (We haven't had one meal that hasn't been a total disaster). The brunt of this has fallen on me (rightfully so) because it's my DH's family that we are visiting and he's been in social butterfly mode.

I was feeling pretty good about tonight's festivities - DD had a 2 hour nap, so I was pretty sure it was going to be smooth sailing for the rehersal/dinner. Um, wrong. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was a needy, whiny, unhappy pill from the get-go. Since then, the following has happened:

1. The officiant asked my 36 year old self if I was my 30 year old BIL's mother. To make matters worse, she did it in front of my 28 year old, 5'11",130 pound, blond supermodel of a sister in law. SIL was decent enough to be horrified for me, but I really, really did not need that shot to my ego since I have already been suspecting that I look like hell. I really, really want to beat the sh*t out of that officiant.

2. I was unable to actually be at any of the rehersal since DD was falling apart. I was walking down the hall in Marriot looking for a place to nurse DD when one of the catering managers asked if I needed help. Told her I was looking for a place to nurse, and after some stuttering and confusion, she told me to go nurse in the bathroom. I had always thought I'd be prepared with a witty comeback if anyone suggested bathroom nursing, but instead I just walked outside with my tail between my apparently old and ugly legs (see #1).

3. Mother in law felt compelled to point out to everyone how much food was on my plate at the dinner. Seriously, what is up with that??? Again, I mumbled a lame response about being hungry because of nursing but why would she do that? It was just designed to embarrass me. Mission accomplished!

4. DH is currently downstairs at the pool having drinks and partying with the whole wedding party and I am upstairs in the hotel room with my sleeping daughter. I knew coming here that this was going to be more of a vacation for him, but this is the 2nd night out of 3 nights that he has gone to play and I've been by myself. I'm sure this is going to be repeated tomorrow at the actual wedding. Again, this is his family and I know he's excited to get to see all of his brothers, but I want to play, too.

Thanks for letting me whine
post #2 of 31
I'm so sorry you've had a rough time My kids are always a wreck in traveling situations like that as well I hope you and DD get some sleep tonight, and that the wedding goes better than expected, and that you get to have some fun at the reception.

And hope your dh is sympathetic when he returns and gives you a break s well!
post #3 of 31
Awwwww. I totally have been in your shoes. DH has these cousins (we seem them more often than his sister) that are 100 lbs soaking wet and can afford perfect designer wardrobes. The one of the two with children has a husband that is always the parent-on-duty. I always feel fat, flustered, and dumpy. I hate family gatherings.

Order a nice bottle of wine and decadent dessert from room service, and take a nice bubble bath while your DD sleeps. I feel your pain.
post #4 of 31
Can you order up a nice dessert and a glass of champagne from room service? Or soak in a hot tub? s
post #5 of 31
I second the wine and decadent room service. You deserve it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I hope you're in a nice hot bubble bath right now enjoying something yummy. At least you're not hanging with the ILs right now. (And can you tell him that tomorrow night is "your" night to relax? If not, get a great big IOU for a night or two to yourself once you're home. )
post #6 of 31
Wow I am not too sure I would be able to handle that at all!

I think dh should come upstairs for awhile and give you a back rub!

Hopefully sometime soon you will be able to get out and relax and have fun!

post #7 of 31


Once the baby is asleep, time for some movies!!! And room service.

Do something nice for your self.

And if DH wants to be a social butterfly, have him take DD with him during the day.

V
post #8 of 31
post #9 of 31
Goodness gracious I hope you can get some sly remarks in on them tomorrow. I am sure you are beautiful mama. Hugs. People suck!
post #10 of 31
Oh yuck, I am sorry
post #11 of 31
post #12 of 31


What did you say to the officiant when he asked if you were the mother-of-the-groom?

I'm sorry you are having such a bad week. Hopefully the wedding will go quickly and smoothly for you.
post #13 of 31
Props to you for being gracious to your husband about all this. I have been in your shoes, and I was NOT gracious about it AT ALL.

It was BIL wedding WEEKEND. We were 5 hours from home. DS1 was 9 months old, I was 5 months preggo with DS2, it was 95 degrees and humid ALL WEEKEND. There was no air conditioning in the church or the lobby where the reception was being held. He was of course the best man, and had all sorts of socializing to do. He was a little more accomodating to me then he probably should have been, but I was left in the dust on several occassions with a baby and was hormonal. I tried not to look as miserable as I was, but for me thats impossible. I wear emotions on my face with a paint sprayer.

Hopefully it will all be over soon and your daughter will be back to her old self again when you get home. HUGS
post #14 of 31
i'm so sorry.

in my household, unless one of us is designated as the primary parent for the evening, duties are shared. period, end of story.

we went to DH's best friend's wedding when DS was 14 mo. DS loves to campaign for mayor and demonstrate his favorite freestyle acrobatic nursing moves. the wedding was in a restaurant where there were other rooms with patrons, another wedding, and a bar.

DH and i took turns walking the baby on his campaign trail through two weddings, a dining room, and a bar, and taking him to the toilet. DH was in charge of the meal time, knowing that i would be enjoying freestyle acrobatic nursing in between bites. pre parties were attended by both with my sister providing child care, but after parties were right out altogether.

end of the day, while this was his best friend since he wa 3 and they are like brothers, and we were happy for the couple and wanted to be with them, we both had to do what was right for our son and for each other first.

so, while there may not be a next time, the discussion needs to come up as to how things will go at family events. or, even if it's generally ok that things go this way (eg, you are primary care giver at his famiyl events) if the DD gets fussy, then bth step up to meet her needs, and support each other, KWIM?

just the way it plays out over here, and yeah, it's frustrating with the DH gets all the fun.

(seriously, i just negotiated a sauna and massage day for myself because DH acted stupid and made plans to see a movie that i want to see, but didn't ask me, instead made plans to go with a friend, and didn't ask me if it was ok. so, i was like "if you get time out, i get time out." and so, i get to get a massage and spend some time in the sauna. heck yeah! sauna here i come!)
post #15 of 31
You seem like such a giving person. I hope you get a break soon (sometimes you need to ask). If not, it will be over soon. Put on that mona lisa smile, change the subject, make a joke out of it, and know you are being the bigger person.
post #16 of 31
You are almost done.Just gotta get through it and you will be home soon. Just make sure that on any future trips dh takes more kid responsibility.

I am trying to teach my own dh that childcare is a 24/7 deal,and childcare does not mean looking up from your computer every so often.Dd is visiting his family with him,and he better take childcare seriously.

Hugs and better days ahead for you!
post #17 of 31
I kind of anticipate a similar situation at sil's upcoming wedding this year here, for myself. Just add in having to fight other relatives off so that dd1 doesn't eat too much miscellaneous sugar all day. Parenting can really suck at extended family events that aren't really kid-considerate.

Not that it will really help, but times like these are when my inner super-snarky self comes out. And I am SURE you don't look like your rude mil, nor old enough to be. Do whatever you can to help your dd stay happy. Maybe tell your dh about the officiant and he'll take care of him for you .

Hoping the rest of your trip goes much better!
post #18 of 31
So did you get room service last night? I found myself rooting for you today and hoping today was better.

post #19 of 31
OMG, I hope today was a better day for you! And thank you for posting -- I'm rethinking our decision to travel cross-country for a family wedding a few months away!
post #20 of 31
Eugh, that sounds miserable! You poor thing.
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