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Thoughts about a third

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
I honestly wonder if I am nuts for thinking about having a third. My kids are almost exactly two years apart- DD is 2.9 and DS is 9 months old. I'm crazy about them but vowed I was done. Now I keep thinking about maybe having another one down the road. But I'm 37. It's not like we have all the time in the world to decide. I wish I could just feel at peace one way or the other but I just keep turning it over in my mind. DH would love another. Thoughts from other moms who've been throught this?
post #2 of 27
I've found a website dedicated to this question and spent a lot of time there recently. We did decide to go for it and are ttc #3 now.

http://www.havingthreekids.com
post #3 of 27
We just decided to try for a third too.
We thought we were done but now that dd is 3, i'm feeling ready again.
I wanted to be done having kids by the time i was 30, and this last one will be born about one month before i turn.
The reasons for changing our mind was just that we thought we would regret it later if we didn't have one more. We just felt like all the reasons we had before for NOT having another kid weren't really relevant anymore.
Before we were worried about where we lived, now we live in a nicer/larger place.
We were also worried about buying a bigger vehicle, but that is already in the plans for february next year.
Also, i'm in school full time, but after next summer i will be switching to an online program to finish my degree. I will be pregnant Fall and Spring semesters but that is ok.
post #4 of 27
We just had our third, he is our third little boy and is 8 weeks old. So far, it feels so great. I think we would have accepted 2 but I really did want a third. My dh was not really there and it ended up being a bit of a surprise for us but so far it is wonderful. I do think it is going to be super busy, I can see that already, but so fun to watch the boys interacting together. I look forward to seeing them grow up together.
post #5 of 27
I just had my third, 4 weeks ago. My second child is now 2 1/2 and a child that is FULL of energy and the most difficult thing managing. He would be challenging regardless of if I had an infant or not! My eldest is almost 6 and a mostly helpful big brother.

I only had an older sister that I did not get along with growing up and I longed for another sibling to confide in. My husband IS the third and I like him a lot.

IF you have a high energy 2nd child and if you get sluggish during pregnancy you might want to wait untill that child is closer to 3 1/2ish. If you have an easy going 2nd (like my first!) go ahead!
Whoo hoo odd numbers are fun! high five!
post #6 of 27
If you and your Dh both want another then go for it, i'm currently trying for a 5th
post #7 of 27
We're trying for a 5th, too - so I say, go for a 3rd.

mine are all 2 years apart and I really don't think adding #3 was too challenging. Of course, having more than 2 children seems to change the family dynamics a bit since so many things seemed to be geared towards a family of four... but for us, it has worked out well. Our 3rd was an easy baby/toddler - but he is now a high energy 5 yo. Still, no regrets here.
post #8 of 27
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the replies! I can't believe how much I debate about this. Esp. after a really bad night of sleep I'm totally sure I'm done. Then we'll have a wonderful day and I'm back to imagining another LO in the mix. I grew up as one of three and always really liked it. Tragically, my older brother killed himself last summer, the week before my son was born. I am so grateful to have my younger brother to talk to and I know having him nearby has been a huge comfort to my parents. I guess that plays into my thoughts (not that something terrible will happen to one of my kids but that with three they will hopefully always have another to lean on).
post #9 of 27
I have 2 as well. DS is 4 almost 5 and DD is 2.5. I vowed after those 2 that I was done. I just don't have enough patience for more. However I'm only 28 and my husband wanted to have a vasectomy. I just couldn't agree to it because I figured once I actually couldn't have kids, then I would want another one! We were pretty young with a lot of time to have more and I just didn't want to put an end to the possibility. We also don't do hormonal birth control but use other methods. Well this month we had a pregnancy "maybe" due to me ovulating sooner than I thought I would/usually do. I was devastated. Not that I wouldn't love another child just the same as my others and I know it would all be fine. But just thinking about "starting over" again with a baby and all the things that came along with it made me want to cry! I just recently found out we are not pg, and now although I have to admit I am the tiniest bit sad there won't be another baby, I am overall really relieved. So, I think that is my answer. And it definitely kicked my husband into high gear to want the big V done. I am now finally OK with it this made me see that I really would just prefer 2 children. If another one came along that would be OK, but it's not in our plans.
I hope you find your answer. I know the feeling, it is really tough!
post #10 of 27
We have 3 and we went thru the same thing you are going thru.....we were done but just couldn't shake the nagging feeling like maybe somewhere down the road we might want another.... DD2 was SUCH AN EASY baby, I mean I couldn't have asked for a "better" baby, she slept fairly well compared to dd1 and never fussed too much about anything, but for some reason I just didn't feel complete.

Well, one night on our anniversary and 3 glasses of wine and a nice dinner later we got carried away(we were only using withdrawal as our bc) and lo and behold it resulted in DS. I was sooooo completely shell-shocked. Ds came and he was the COMPLETE opposite of easy! He cried day and night and nothing helped....DH went for the big V when ds was only 2 weeks old. He even called me from the dr's office to tell me that there was a mix up with the insurance that it wouldn't be covered, I told him he had better NOT come home without having it done. There was NOOOO way in h*** I wanted to have to go thru what I was going thru again. Yes, if we had another it could be another easy baby like dd2 but I wasn't willing to take that chance.

I mean I LOVE ds to death! but he is the whiniest toddler even....I just feel so completely drained all the time. Just like you when we have our good nights I have this TINY twinge like maybe we made a mistake but then 2 seconds later I slap myself and wonder what the heck I was thinking for those 2 seconds! I have to remind myself of the bad times too because I know how miserable we ALL (my children suffered also because ds required soooo much of our time and care) were.

I didn't mean this to discourage you, I was just wanting to add another perspective on the subject.
post #11 of 27
My kids are almost exactly the same ages as mama to 2 girls' children and there are days where I'm just (especially when I look down at my belly ) It seems like there are always two of them getting along and someone else screaming/whining/fighting/crying. I definitely don't regret having 3, but there are times when I feel like my sanity is on the line.
post #12 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama to 2 girls View Post
We have 3 and...I just feel so completely drained all the time.
I feel this way too...just drained. There's literally hardly a minute when I'm not doing something for someone...
post #13 of 27
My experience with 3 has been wonderful! DD3 was totally unplanned, I was pregnant and she was born during the most stressful point in my life so far, and she is such a gift! She is only 19 months younger than DD2, which is a lot closer than I would have planned -- I was so stressed thinking about having an infant and a young toddler who was not very self-sufficient, but it's been great. DD2 loves her baby sister, is so sweet with her, can make her laugh faster than anyone, etc... the spacing was way easier than with DD1 (who was 2.5 yo when DD2 was born).

The problem is, you never know... you could get a really laid-back kiddo, or you could get a super-fussy one. DD3 is my easiest so far, and I really feel like I've "earned" enjoying her baby stage. But, I'm also a way more laid-back parent (and I'm pretty easygoing to begin with...) so it's been lots more fun. I'm already used to balancing the needs of different kids, so adding an extra one into the mix hasn't been a big adjustment.
post #14 of 27
3 has been great for me, DS was an easy baby though. Like others have said, there is never a minute of down time.
post #15 of 27

I feel like three is an ideal number for many people. I grew up in a 3 household


Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 10/12/11 at 12:08am
post #16 of 27
For as long as I can remember, I always wanted two children. Three was never a consideration, until I held my 2nd son, and I knew way down deep in my heart, that despite finances, health issues, sleep deprivation, house size, vehicle considerations, sibling concerns, uncertainty about baby's health and temperment, and thoughts of not pushing our luck and rocking our already great ship, that I had another baby inside of me. DH was on board, and DC#3 is due this summer! I say follow your heart!
post #17 of 27
Oh yeah, and I just wanted to add that DH and I are soooo done with three. I really hope that you can find that peace of really "knowing" your heart's desire. Good Luck!
post #18 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by PluggingAway View Post
For as long as I can remember, I always wanted two children. Three was never a consideration, until I held my 2nd son, and I knew way down deep in my heart, that despite finances, health issues, sleep deprivation, house size, vehicle considerations, sibling concerns, uncertainty about baby's health and temperment, and thoughts of not pushing our luck and rocking our already great ship, that I had another baby inside of me. DH was on board, and DC#3 is due this summer! I say follow your heart!
I couldn't have said it better myself, and in fact wrote something out for DH that was very similar and we are now TTC #3

I hope that I will also have that feeling of closure that you now have. ever since #2 was just born it just felt like someone was missing.
post #19 of 27
Lot's of baby dust coming your way echospiritwarrior!
post #20 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by echospiritwarrior View Post
I couldn't have said it better myself, and in fact wrote something out for DH that was very similar and we are now TTC #3

I hope that I will also have that feeling of closure that you now have. ever since #2 was just born it just felt like someone was missing.
Good luck to you, echospiritwarrior!

This is exactly how I feel. Ever since #2 was born, it's like I know there's another baby "out there" for our family. I'm not sure what that means, but I just know there is room in my heart and in our home for another child. It almost feels like it isn't just a child, but a specific child that belongs in our family. I don't know how to describe it.

Explaining this to DH doesn't get me anywhere. He wants more, but just "not now". Trying to get him to pin down when and even tell me that he's really on board and not just stalling me has been really difficult. I want us both to be on board.

I think this is as close as I've ever felt to having a "purpose" (even if I do have more than one purpose in life). That's how important it is to me.
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