Quite honestly, I think that what's going on here is that you have different core beliefs. Living with your ex seems to be causing a LOT of stress here. It sounds like you've done all you can to bring him around to your way of parenting. He's taken what works for him and left the rest behind. That doesn't make him wrong necessarily, it just makes it different. You admit that he's a good and loving father, but that the majority of the problems result from the fact that he does things differently than the way you would do them.
It sounds like you have REALLY high standards. And while I support your desire to eat a specific diet and parent in the way you feel is best, I don't think it's okay to expect your ex to adopt that same diet and parent the exact same way just because you want him to. He's not flaunting you by eating a cheese sandwich- he probably just wants to eat a cheese sandwich
He tried parenting your way when you were together and your DD was young, but has since decided that a different method of parenting works better for him.
Do you have a legal custody arrangement? I think a PP's suggestion of moving out, and taking your DD with you (if it can be arranged) would be the best way of ensuring your DD is raised the way you want. That said, your ex is her father and he has just as much right to raise her the way he sees fit as you do. Is there any way you'd be willing to compromise some of your beliefs; perhaps just focus on a few parenting practices that you believe are most important? I think that when you're parenting with a partner, choosing your battles is important.
FWIW, I think a 6you SHOULD be dependent on her parents.