junky gift etiquette - Page 2

[rhiOrion]

I haven't read all of the other responses, but based on other threads, I can guess that there are two types of answers.

My answer is that it depends on who you're talking about. I'll gladly tell my parents/ILs that we'd rather not have a lot of plastic and electronic toys. I would not tell most friends of family, etc.

I'll also make a registry. But not as a registry, really. More as a, "Oh, well, I made a list of some things to give you ideas on the types of things we need"... not that people have to buy exactly what's on there.

But I would only show that "registry" to people who ask for ideas.

But yeah, I really think it just depends on the person. I wouldn't put anything about it on my invitation unless I really didn't want any gifts.

[Adaline'sMama]

I have said no plastic, no baby girl pink, no electronic toys, no chemically bath stuff, ect.

No one listened. I seriously had almost a gallon (in oz) of A&D diaper rash cream, even though I registered for Burts Bees. I told everyone I was going to CD, and I had over 300 size 1 diapers by Huggies, Pampers, and Luvs. They bought it all anyway and I thanked them graciously and looked the product number up on google so I could figure out which store to return it to.

A lot of people dont buy gifts for your child/baby, they buy it for themselves. Buying wooden toys offline or from a specialty store doesnt give them an excuse to proudly announce in Target's baby section or at BabiesRus "MY grandson will be a year old next week", or "I am a new grandmother". For some people, buying the gift is half the fun, and our hippie-dippie toys and clothes don't provide them with the ability to go back to the baby/child section of the store after their kids are grown. I sent them a thank you card. If they ever ask where their gift is, I made myself a list of responses.

"It was too little for her"
"we already have so many clothes for that season, so I exchanged it for something she can wear when its cold"
"She had one similar, so I exchanged it for________"
"Her Dad really wanted her to have_______, and we couldnt afford it so I exchanged your gift to go towards it"- This works great, because no one seems to want to argue with what the man wants.
"We couldnt find room in our apartment for it, so I exchanged it for something a little smaller"
"It broke/got washed too hot/got left at a friends house/fell out of the stroller"

I think it's better to lie than to tell people you donated their gift. My mother would say, "I didn't buy it for Goodwill, I bought it for my granddaughter"

[crunchy_mommy]

What about a theme party? A book party or a puzzle party or a sock party (if you want 1000 socks ) or a nature party and make the invites (and the decortations, cake, etc.) all themed-out so it's really obvious... probably people will still bring more traditional gifts as well but it might cut down on it some and guide them more toward what you'd prefer. I do think it's really tacky to register for a 1st bday party or ask for specific items. I also think 'no gifts please' won't work (I think people will just bring them anyway and/or feel awkward). I suppose you could put something like, 'In lieu of gifts, bring a toy for Toys for Tots' or 'we'll be hosting a book drive in Timmy's honor' or something... but I think many people really love buying gifts for a beloved child, I know I do. Definitely you could spread the word to immediate family if you have that kind of relationship (my mom often asks what kind of things I'd like DS to get) and maybe they can further spread your preferences if anyone asks. My aunt often asks my mom for advice on gifts for my DS, for ex.

Admittedly my house is filled with noisy plastic toys (most of them from Christmas & 1st birthday) and I really don't know what to do with them all, I feel like they just take up space but people would notice if we donated everything...

[odenata]

I give gift ideas to people who ask, but otherwise let it be. If we get something particularly obnoxious, I take some photos of the kids playing with it, give a thank you, and then quietly get rid of it.

[mamadelbosque]

I'd just write a 'no gifts preffered' on the invitatino, personally. I did that when ds1 was littler. Or just accept them, then drop them off at the goodwill on the way home/into town next;P

For my dad's 50th surprise bday party last year, I wrote 'gag gifts only please! - lets make'm laugh!!' and he got some absolutely hysterical stuff THAT was a lot of fun!!

[hildare]

Originally Posted by jess5377

You know what gets my goat - when someone demands "payment" for said gifts. For example, a mother or mother-in-law who sends you pounds of inappropriate clothes (seasonally, logistically (it's lacy AND it has a hundred buttons??) ethically, etc.) and then hounds you for photos of your little one in the outfits.

Getting my kid into a cotton sleeper is hard enough as it is, the last thing I want to do is set aside time to tie her into some complex, itchy lace contraption.

Sorry, rant.

my gosh, i think we must be related because we have the same mother.
mine does that and then demands photos and asks if i tried the outfit on dd. Tried it on her!!!

for the OP.. could you have a themed party such as a "book party," where people were encouraged to buy/gift books instead of junk? that sounds like it would be just polite enough to pass.
frankly, i share your concerns. i'd rather have a gift free party than have to deal with getting plastic. i know we can turn around and give it away, but that seems like giving stuff we know is bad to someone else, kwim? i'd rather bypass that altogether.
maybe just get people to donate to something you like instead, which is what we did at our wedding- we collected money for the public library. i know there are places to donate gifts in someone's name to a charity. that would also sound to other people like you're doing a fun thing for the party rather than [them interpreting it as] being nose-in-the-air about gifts..

[lifeguard]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama

"It was too little for her"
"we already have so many clothes for that season, so I exchanged it for something she can wear when its cold"
"She had one similar, so I exchanged it for________"
"Her Dad really wanted her to have_______, and we couldnt afford it so I exchanged your gift to go towards it"- This works great, because no one seems to want to argue with what the man wants.
"We couldnt find room in our apartment for it, so I exchanged it for something a little smaller"
"It broke/got washed too hot/got left at a friends house/fell out of the stroller"

I think it's better to lie than to tell people you donated their gift. My mother would say, "I didn't buy it for Goodwill, I bought it for my granddaughter"

I like some of these responses!

I do think it is ok to say "no gifts" but honestly I do take offense when someone tries to give a list of rules. I even feel uneasy about gift registries 'cause it just feels so greedy to me (although I have done them for our wedding & baby shower at the request of others) - I understand the practicality of them but they're not always used in that way.

[Icehockey18]

Originally Posted by nola79

I don't think "no gifts, please" is rude. I've seen it put in a tactful way, too. I think I've seen, "you're presence is present enough" or something similar.
As far as the junky gifts, I just say thanks and either regift it (if appropriate) or donate it.

We actually just put 'your presence is presents enough' on our invites.. For two reseans, 1. I don't want junk and 2. I'm inviting the same people who came to our wedding and shower 2 years ago, and they all came to my baby shower a year ago, I feel they have given us enough gifts in the last few years and I want them to share in celebration of our son turning one without the burden of having to buy us yet another gift. Ds is 1, he does not need a bunch of gifts!! I've also heard just putting on the invites 'all gifts will be donated to xyz' but I opted not to, because of reason #2, I didn't want ppl to feel guilty that they didn't bring a gift to donate. Will we probably get some gifts?, yes, but I can graciously accept what we do receive... I have been dropping lots of hints no plastic... No noisey things....locally made...etc.... But we will seeeeee....

[jdg]

I LOVE some of Adaline's Mama's responses and will have to borrow some of them.

I am fortunate in that most of the people around me are really open to hints or outright suggestions. For my baby, we said that we really had what we needed, and I loved being able to shop and pick out a lot of things for her myself (all true) but that we would absolutely love it if people would buy her books - any type of books, cloth ones for chewing on, classics like Dr. Seuss, picture books, books for older kids that we would put up and give to her later, whatever book the giver enjoyed themself as a child. Since I don't think you can go wrong with a book (it's not like someone is going to give a baby something highly politicized) it kept a lot of the presents "safe" and I was amazed by how much people seemed to really enjoy it, getting to explain why they liked that book so much and why it had special meaning to them.

To me at least, this felt like a good compromise. No one seemed to feel they were being given a list of acceptable items, people still had a lot of personal choice, and we got to start stocking a bookshelf. Which is NOT to say we didn't still get gifts other than books, just that it all felt a little more contained.