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I officially hate facebook.

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
I am not friends with DSD's mom (on fb) - on purpose. She apparently doesn't use it often, and I don't want the stress. DH is friends with her.

A little quick background - DSD's mom just moved in with her new BF 45 minutes away, who is *very* newly divorced (as in, filed two months after they met divorced). We do week on/week off. Her BF has a similar amount of parenting time with his two children, but it is scattered and disjointed.

She recently asked DH to sit on a check that she wrote him for a joint debt that they (we) are still paying on because it is a "tight month" for them.

DH went to a baseball game last night (our city has a brand-new outdoor ballpark - it has been a big thing). He had really good seats because my stepdad had been given tickets by his boss - good as in behind home plate, leather seats, free food and drink good. He called DSD because she was going to look her him on TV if BF was watching. He wound up talking to DSD's mom.

DSD's mom posts on facebook that they (all six of them) are going to a baseball game. It is a little annoying. If they had plans to go before, DSD would have said something. If they had plans to go last night, DSD's mom would have definitely said something. So I don't think that this was something they had been planning for a while.

She posts pics, everyone has a hat (even DSD - who hates sports). The prices on those are astounding. Plus food, beverages, etc. Tough month, eh? Granted, DSD's mom has also been bragging about the expensive furniture that they bought on credit ($500 dresser for DSD's sister, for example). So maybe that was how it was.

The whole thing was annoying. It seemed weirdly like one-upmanship - hey, DH is going, let's take the whole fam! Also, spending all that money when she owes us so much. If facebook didn't exist, I wouldn't know any of this. Meh.

I know that I shouldn't let these things bother me, but it does. It even bothered DH, who is usually more "take the high road" about these sorts of things. I know that their finances aren't our business, but given the fact that she owes us money, they sort of are.

Update - DSD's mom just called to brag. Apparently the tickets were $400, but they put them on a credit card. It was a last-minute decision (so probably, as least subconsciously, a little competitive).
post #2 of 10
Sounds really annoying! Sorry!
post #3 of 10
Next time, don't sit on the check.

It's true that her finances are not your business. But you don't need to be doing her any financial favors either. Hopefully, you'll be rid of this joint debt in the near future.
post #4 of 10


I'll join you in hating facebook for other reasons that I won't hijack your thread for.

And I agree that it sounds like one upmanship to me. I might casually ask if it's okay to cash the check now since it seems they found some extra cash this month afterall.
post #5 of 10
Facebook does bad things to some people.

I finally blocked the kids' stepmom; she was desparate to be facebook friends, and I just felt it a bad idea since in person, she won't converse with me at all -- I'm so glad I did. She used to post things on pages of people we were mutual friends with for the same sort of "bragging rights" reasons, and some of the things were downright hateful or mean, and once I blocked her, I couldn't see those posts any more, so don't know they exist.

It was very freeing, though it felt harsh to do at the time.

Nothing worse than watching others brag about finance-related irresponsibility when you are taking a financial hit for them. I'm sorry.
post #6 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by morgainesmama View Post
Facebook does bad things to some people.

I finally blocked the kids' stepmom; she was desparate to be facebook friends, and I just felt it a bad idea since in person, she won't converse with me at all -- I'm so glad I did. She used to post things on pages of people we were mutual friends with for the same sort of "bragging rights" reasons, and some of the things were downright hateful or mean, and once I blocked her, I couldn't see those posts any more, so don't know they exist.

It was very freeing, though it felt harsh to do at the time.

Nothing worse than watching others brag about finance-related irresponsibility when you are taking a financial hit for them. I'm sorry.
Me too! Totally blocked the kids' mother. We were never friends, but I didn't want to see her stuff popping up in the case of any mutual friends. Best to not have that negativity at all! Blocking is a great function, and DH and I have both used it in this case.

Or, if you feel some obligation to be "friends" on FB then you can still hide all her info and put her in a special group to hide yours.
post #7 of 10
When u "block" someone do they know that you've "blocked" them?
post #8 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post
When u "block" someone do they know that you've "blocked" them?
Nope. Well, a qualified no. If you block them, they can't find you in searches, so they just don't think you're on FB. If they know otherwise, then I suppose they could tell. They are certainly not notified.

So anyway, they can't find you in searches, can't see you in friend lists, and can't see anything you post on mutual friend pages, etc. And vice versa. Once you've blocked them, you have no way of knowing they're on FB either. It's really nice in certain situations, like this one, and another with a man who stalked me but has mutual friends to me. Now they can't see me at all. And I don't have to see them.
post #9 of 10
Totally awesome feature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by violet_ View Post
Nope. Well, a qualified no. If you block them, they can't find you in searches, so they just don't think you're on FB. If they know otherwise, then I suppose they could tell. They are certainly not notified.

So anyway, they can't find you in searches, can't see you in friend lists, and can't see anything you post on mutual friend pages, etc. And vice versa. Once you've blocked them, you have no way of knowing they're on FB either. It's really nice in certain situations, like this one, and another with a man who stalked me but has mutual friends to me. Now they can't see me at all. And I don't have to see them.
post #10 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post
When u "block" someone do they know that you've "blocked" them?
Since she is fb friends with your husband, she might deduce that you have blocked her, because if she goes to his page, any posts you have made will now be hidden from her.

If that would be more drama than not, then maybe my suggestion isn't a good one.

Still, like I said, it was WONDERFUL to remove FB drama from my life. I go on FB to decompress and connect with people I like -- having someone popping into my field of view and saying hateful things (or hurtful, or just stuff I don't care to hear) when I'm trying to, say, leave a comment on a baby picture isn't a good element in my life and was worth any possible fallout.

For me, this means ex-wife has emailed me to accuse me of "hiding the kids' lives" by blocking her from my facebook page. I ignored the comment, and that was that, and FB was a happy place again.

Either way, good luck sorting it out. It really stinks that you're in the financial situation you are with her.
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