This is a nightmare/disaster - 20mo bedtime

[rachie]

Ever since she quite nursing when I became pregnant (she was about 14-15 months I believe) night-time has been a LONG process of rocking her to sleep and then laying her in her crib in her room. The co-sleeping stopped before that because she had a hard time settling with mommy nearby - she'd actually get upset and want her space and less distractions.

Anyways - it used to be I'd nurse and rock her and she'd be out in minutes then I'd lay her down to sleep. Now it takes sometimes an hour to rock her to sleep. I thought maybe turning her crib into a toddler bed would help her somehow (not feel like I'm putting her down so maybe I could start getting her used to "going" to bed - ???). Last night I rocked and rocked her and she was so WIDE EYED AWAKE - I finally gave up after an hour and handed her to her daddy and he rocked her for about five minutes then put her down without a fuss - still awake!!! What gives???? Why won't she fall asleep if I'm the one putting her down??? She's SOOOOO attached to me - tonight I tried sitting in the bed with her, laying next to her, she was clinging to me every second - or sitting up and wanting to play.

It's been over an hour of trying to get her to relax and go to sleep - she just won't or can't with me!!! So - I sent her daddy in again but I don't know what I'll do when he's out of town next week for several days!!! I'll probably end up rocking her for over an hour each night.

I've thought about bringing her back into our bed but we have a newborn coming in two months or so and with the baby crying and nursing and all that I don't know it would work out - ???

I'm so lost here. I just want to cry - I'm so tired and exhausted already with two little ones, no naps and 28 weeks pregnant - I can't do night-time like this anymore!

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by rachie

Ever since she quite nursing when I became pregnant (she was about 14-15 months I believe) night-time has been a LONG process of rocking her to sleep and then laying her in her crib in her room. The co-sleeping stopped before that because she had a hard time settling with mommy nearby - she'd actually get upset and want her space and less distractions.

Anyways - it used to be I'd nurse and rock her and she'd be out in minutes then I'd lay her down to sleep. Now it takes sometimes an hour to rock her to sleep. I thought maybe turning her crib into a toddler bed would help her somehow (not feel like I'm putting her down so maybe I could start getting her used to "going" to bed - ???). Last night I rocked and rocked her and she was so WIDE EYED AWAKE - I finally gave up after an hour and handed her to her daddy and he rocked her for about five minutes then put her down without a fuss - still awake!!! What gives???? Why won't she fall asleep if I'm the one putting her down??? She's SOOOOO attached to me - tonight I tried sitting in the bed with her, laying next to her, she was clinging to me every second - or sitting up and wanting to play.

It's been over an hour of trying to get her to relax and go to sleep - she just won't or can't with me!!! So - I sent her daddy in again but I don't know what I'll do when he's out of town next week for several days!!! I'll probably end up rocking her for over an hour each night.

I've thought about bringing her back into our bed but we have a newborn coming in two months or so and with the baby crying and nursing and all that I don't know it would work out - ???

I'm so lost here. I just want to cry - I'm so tired and exhausted already with two little ones, no naps and 28 weeks pregnant - I can't do night-time like this anymore!

A couple of things I thought of when reading your post -

if she will go to sleep with daddy, then let her. And just figure you'll have to deal with it when he's out of town, no matter what, so why make yourseld miserable in the meantime -take advantage of his help when you can.

2nd - I have had older kids/toddlers in bed with newborns on up, and they never wokd because of the baby. I don't know if they just aren't prgrammed to respond to a crying abby or what, but it was never and issue (thank goodness!!). So I wouldn't worry about that until you have to.

3rd - if you are not working and she is still napping, then I would just be sure to nap when she does. Especially when dad is out of town. Just go with ehr schedule and don't make yourself crazy trying to get her to sleep at night. If she is up wanting to play, then try laying next to her with the lights off, or just a small light on and let her look at books while you rest at night. But DEFINITELY nap with her if you can. Do not worry about getting stuff done while your husband is out of town. THat's when we eat avacados for lunch and popcorn for dinner

Good luck!

eta: one more thing. try not to worry to much about how you will do the sleep thing in the future. Someone said to me once "just do whatever you need to in order for everyone to get the most sleep that night". Whatever you decide to do tonight will not have to be what you decide to do 3 months from now, kwim?

[rachie]

Naps

I'd love to nap during dd's nap but I have a 4yo little boy who no longer naps and I can't trust that he won't do something destructive or dangerous while I'm napping. Even if I put him down for "quiet time" if he knows I'm sleeping or even resting he'll take advantage of it and get into stuff he knows he's not allowed to. I took naps when I was pregnant with his sister and he was still taking naps but he's 4.5 now and just doesn't go down like a little one

[Nikki74]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

eta: one more thing. try not to worry to much about how you will do the sleep thing in the future. Someone said to me once "just do whatever you need to in order for everyone to get the most sleep that night". Whatever you decide to do tonight will not have to be what you decide to do 3 months from now, kwim?

I totally agree!

In our house, dh takes over the older ones once we have a newborn, so that I can get as much sleep as possible in between night feeds. We have three children with one 6 month old. The older two sleep in their own toddler beds, but right next to dh so that all he has to do is lean over if they need him. And my youngest sleeps in her cot for the first couple of hours, and then comes into bed with us when she wakes for her first night feed, and she stays in bed cuddled up to me for the rest of the night. It works well, and I'd say that about 98-99% of the time we have a great night's sleep.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by rachie

I'd love to nap during dd's nap but I have a 4yo little boy who no longer naps and I can't trust that he won't do something destructive or dangerous while I'm napping. Even if I put him down for "quiet time" if he knows I'm sleeping or even resting he'll take advantage of it and get into stuff he knows he's not allowed to. I took naps when I was pregnant with his sister and he was still taking naps but he's 4.5 now and just doesn't go down like a little one

Oops - I'm sorry - I didn't see that you had an older child, too. Are you opposed to a the 4 year old watching a video while you sleep?

Also, are you planning to haev someone come in and help while your husband is out of town? You are going to need the breaks. Maybe you could have someone come every wed and take your 4 year old for a walk or to the park or soemthing so you can nap with the 20 month old. and then again on the weekends while your husband is home?

[limette]

Can you drop the nap?

Both mine stopped napping around a year. Whenever we had issues with the kids taking longer and longer to go to sleep we'd pull back their bedtimes. So instead of a 9pm bedtime we'd move bedtime to 8pm. I find that once they're in that wide eyed awake stage, they are overtired.

Oh and definitely let your dh do the bedtime routine if it's shorter. On bad nights it can take me 30 mins to get the kids to sleep whereas with dh, it's always 5 mins.

[rachie]

reply

Originally Posted by vbactivist

Oops - I'm sorry - I didn't see that you had an older child, too. Are you opposed to a the 4 year old watching a video while you sleep?

Also, are you planning to haev someone come in and help while your husband is out of town? You are going to need the breaks. Maybe you could have someone come every wed and take your 4 year old for a walk or to the park or soemthing so you can nap with the 20 month old. and then again on the weekends while your husband is home?

I wouldn't mind letting him watch a video - but he KNOWS that's the time to get into the kitchen cabinets and get cookies, ice-cream, get into other things that could be harmful, etc... I just can't trust that my child will still be alive or that I won't WANT to kill him when I awake .

Last week while dh was away my mom came for a few hours to visit once and it was nice that the kids were occupied for that time - but I will have to see if I can get another friend or family member to do the same at least once this week.

Originally Posted by limette

Can you drop the nap?

Both mine stopped napping around a year. Whenever we had issues with the kids taking longer and longer to go to sleep we'd pull back their bedtimes. So instead of a 9pm bedtime we'd move bedtime to 8pm. I find that once they're in that wide eyed awake stage, they are overtired.

Oh and definitely let your dh do the bedtime routine if it's shorter. On bad nights it can take me 30 mins to get the kids to sleep whereas with dh, it's always 5 mins.

She didn't nap yesterday and today's nap was very early. Dh put 4yo to bed (story, songs, prayers) while I put 20mo to bed tonight. I sang her two songs in the rocker then put on soft music and put her in her bed and sat beside her rubbing her back for a few minutes (like almost 3 songs played on the CD) before she was asleep pretty much and then I tip-toed out. It's still difficult to sit with her unless I sit up straight (baby in ribs) - and she wants me right there with her - so I let her rest her head on my arm, which still allowed me to sit up a little better.

So.... hopefully this will get a little shorter as she gets used to the new set up and routine - and I think I will try to make sure she gets EARLY naps so she's tired enough by bedtime at night. Whatta think??

[porcelina]

I just have to put in a plug for the book Sleepless in America. It has helped us so much!! From long struggles about bedtime to much easier transitions. It is a fabulous book. Get it from your local library. The idea is that decisions we make all day long affect sleep at night. In short, you have to set/regularize the body clock. Here are some pointers:

1. Have a regular wake up time -- wake them up at the same time every day.
2. Expose them to bright/natural light as soon as they wake up.
3. Get them outside for active play in the morning
4. Have regular meal and snack times every day, as well as nap time.
5. In the evening, dim/darken house to help tell body clock it's time to settle down. With the summer hours, the light is out until late, and their little body clocks don't get that it's time to start winding down. We do this 1.5 to 2 hours before sleep time (when hope/expect them to be asleep).
6. Have dinner around 5.30 or 6, when they are naturally hungry, then later add bedtime snack.
7. Have bathtime about 1.5 hours before you want them to be asleep. It triggers body temp up and then down, signaling to body it's time to sleep. Have bath with nightlight only, dim lights in all rooms, read by flashlight. Again, body needs to get signal it's time to sleep.
8. If they're fighting the routine, make a picture map of what bedtime entails, each of the steps. Have DD point at/direct you through each step as you go through them. (I haven't tried this one, but seems to work for some)

There are a bunch of other little tips in the book, but these are some of the major changes we made.

I also remember having a lot of trouble with bedtime at that age-- I think there's a developmental change. Plus, with the light out late at night, it's even harder. I also agree that having DH do it makes a lot of sense, if she accepts sleep faster with him!! Definitely have that as part of your routine (and just deal with it yourself when he's out of town). If you have a beginning and end point for your role in bedtime (e.g., you get DD ready and then rock for 15 mins, then DH takes over), you will be able to have more patience.

Good luck!

[rachie]

thanks!

Thank you Porcelina. That is some good advice. I'll have to find a soft light I can use in the bathroom at bath-time. I already have been turning off all but nightlight in her room before bedtime. We have blinds we can close them all a little earlier.

Last night I ran into a real issue. I was able to get her down OK - but she woke up around 10pm then 12am and the second or third time she woke was the worst because I'd think she was settled down and if she heard me leaving she'd FREAK OUT and GRAB ME and hold on for dear life and scream. I was sitting by her bed and feeling some round ligament pain and was going to go swap with dh so I could handle the pain - but she flipped and so I picked her up and sat in the rocker and BAM!! - TERRIBLE PAIN just hit me. I could hardly breath and didn't want to yell for dh because it would wake ds and make dd more awake/alert. I was just sitting there crying. I tried to get up just to set her in her bed (even if she cried for a second I figured if I could just get to dh to get him to go in there she'd be fine) - but when I stood up my body just RADIATED with pain and I almost fell over - fell back into the rocker with her - just crying and trying not to tense up. Then I was having contractions on top of that and that made the pain WAY worse!!!

After about ten minutes just sitting in the rocker my muscles/ligaments finally relaxed enough for me to set her down and I sat with her for a minute or two but then just had to get up and she cried - I sent in dh (who is sick) and he got her settled (she didn't wake again all morning) - but when he got back to bed his alarm went off - he went in at 2am for work today. Poor guy. I felt bad waking him but obviously I was having some real issues.

I dont know what I'm going to do without him this week!!