Pacifier gripes

[tammylsmith]

So I know opinions on pacifiers go many ways, as many parenting decisions do. My ds is 6 wks, and a VERY strong sucking nurser. He is more frantic about it than my dd was. (though he is gaining weight faster... was born 8 lb 13 oz and is already 12 + lb) My dd took a paci as a newborn , and then got sick of it by about 3 months, which was fine with me. I personally find pacis to be good "helpers" during the newborn phase, but I neither love them nor think they are cute, so I don't encourage them, and try to comfort other ways first. I was glad dd gave hers up so easily and quickly, and wouldn't mind if ds was the same about it.... it's just that

He HATES the paci but still constantly wants to suck. Sometimes I can get him to take a well-washed finger or knuckle, but not always. He seems to want to find his fists to suck on, but this also is hit or miss. My MIL has a technique with the paci where she just holds it gently in place, ignoring his squirming and fussing at it until he finally takes it. This makes me really uncomfortable though, because I feel like it is ignoring the communication he is trying to make. He is soooo fussy though, and needs to suck on something for comfort. Am I just being silly about his apparent disgust at the paci? Dd didn't do that, so I feel like ds is trying to communicate that he really doesn't like it... on the other hand, once he gives up and takes it, he does seem much happier and relaxed. He was all cozied up in FIL's arms with a paci on Saturday for most of the day during my dd's 3rd birthday party, which was a great break for me! What else can I do if he won't take his fists yet, and my finger doesn't always work either? I feel like I constantly have a boob out and it just gets exhausting...especially with 3 yo dd!

[tzs]

have you tried different pacis? at the beginning my dd would only take a finger so i bought the smallest most finger-shaped one they had.

on the squirming/rejecting issue....my dd who does take a paci (pretty much only for sleeping/overtiredness...she's 8 mo) sometimes is so worked up that it takes her a few moments almost to realize that the paci is there and that she likes it...but she's just so mad. (this is the same baby that opens her mouth for it when i put her to bed if i forget to do it myself) so yeah, i guess i do like your MIL and hold it there for a sec. but if it makes you uncomfortable, you're the mommy and you know best. just to let you know that there are other babes out there that may do the same thing and do like it.

[Bobbys]

Are you guys talking about my DS? Verbatim? At first, he wasn't into the paci but it was the only thing to alleviate his dire need to suck. His hands just didn't do the job. And I needed him to like it. Now it helps him fall asleep, at which point he just spits it out when he's comfy. He never uses it to just use it. I figure as long as he uses it at night, who's the wiser?
Go with the flow.

[Knitting Mama]

I've tried 4 or so styles, and my 7 week old daughter has no interest in them at all. We started trying them around 3 weeks or so. It seems like in her case she would have needed to start at birth. Every now and again I can get her to take one (the MAM one is the only one that we've had any limitedd success with) in the car, but it's super rare. I'd like to try the Gumdrop paci but I'm loathe to spend more on a paci without knowing if she'd take it.

[treeoflife3]

we tried a TON of different types with my daughter til she took something.. her sucking needs were crazy too and she REFUSED to use my boobies for it.. she'd only take my pinkie if she wasn't actually hungry but it was just impossible for me to have my pinkie in her mouth ALL day and night.

Sometimes we had to hold it there for a couple seconds too before she took it, but if she REALLY didn't want it, she wouldn't take it at all. I figured it was like older babies who are getting super worked up about wanting something and mama is busy so it takes a minute to get it.. and then it takes THEM a minute to realize they can actually have it now. Since she would just straight up refuse if she didn't, I wasn't worried about the few seconds of refusal before taking.

[tammylsmith]

I do try to hold it in for a few seconds... I do the little "swish and hold" move, then try to get him to suck on it. I have even tried expressing breast milk onto the end of it to entice him. I would like him to take it for this particular stage, because he just wants so much... but I don't want to force him either. My MIL is very gentle about it, but she really holds it in there. Meanwhile, Ds is swatting at her hands, fussing, getting upset and trying repeatedly to spit it out. He will relax once he takes it, but it is just really uncomfortable for me for some reason. I think he won't take it from me because he knows I'm holding out on him... I who possess the real thing .

I don't complain about MIL doing that because what else can she do when watching him but have a screaming baby the entire time? My Ds is adorable, and extremely grumpy! (Dh thinks we should have named him Oscar). I just want to help get him to soothe a little, so Dh could take him more often, because I feel like I'm constantly attached... but then again I guess it is his age too. I just want the magic secret. C'mon, don't hold out. SOMEONE here must have the magic secret to happy babies, right? RIGHT???

[donutmolly]

It's a rough age. Sounds like MIL has a technique that works (and it might work for her, but not you...). What about swaddling? You said he's swiping at his face, so I assume he's not swaddled. Really can be a miracle for calming fussy babies!

[akind1]

I have done what your MIL does with the paci, if he is really upset usually it does take a bit for him to figure out the paci is there. sometimes when we are in the car and he gets hungry and does his all out, I'm STARVING screaming, by the time we get somewhere I can nurse (even if it just a couple minutes) I have to do the same with my boob - just let the nipple be in his mouth - for a minute or so before he will latch on.

do try to swaddle and offer a paci, it may work! FWIW, DS took a mam in the hospital and we have never tried another. Now at 6 months he uses his thumb/hands and we haven't used a paci in . . .weeks at least.

[1blueheron]

My DD occasionally needs encouragement to take a paci too (for her, it's essential in the car). I hold it on her cheek, let her root for it like she does with a nipple, then when she gets her mouth to it, i draw it away slightly and usually she sucks it right in with great vigor.

[Jaesun's Dad]

At six weeks I think we tried. He spit it out and declared it fraudulent. No milk? No good! After two months or so he was able to suck on his hands. Now (four months) he sucks on his hands, or a few clean toys that he can chew on. Mostly, he still likes his hands the best, or daddy's knuckle is nice too. Especially if I wear him.

We didn't have any set philosophy of yes or no to a pacifier. We tried, he didn't like it, so we both kinda just let it go. Interestingly my dad asked about a pacifier a couple weeks ago and I said "well, we tried, he didn't like it, didn't push it" and my dad said "you never had one. Your mom was adamant that she did not want you to use one." I thought that was interesting and I never knew that. (My mom is still alive but can't communicate due to alzheimers so I sadly only have my dad as a source for these tidbits, but I'm thankful for his sharing).

[JL83]

I've done what your MIL did with all my kids. All 3 have had a really strong suck need. What they really wanted was an empty breast, but I have a huge supply. So they try to nurse and get really mad. So we had to "teach" them to take a soother. We did it between 4 and 6 weeks, and then the babies have been able to just take it.

[pumpkinhead]

I had a reflux baby and oversupply/overactive letdown issues. The paci was a Godsend once I convinced him it wasn't so bad. And I did have to convince him, much like your MIL with her technique. He gagged on the NUK version, but the Avent, MAM and Soothie types weren't too bad. I did have to hold it for him and I always made sure that he wasn't hungry first, of course, but yeah, I still did it. The only way we could go anywhere in the car was if I wrapped my arm behind the seat to hold the paci for him til he settled. When he was older, he actually enjoyed his "sookie". After 12 months, we had a strict "sleep time only" rule for it and it was relatively easy to wean him from it.

[Katie T]

My DD2 did that, she wanted to suck but HATED the pacifier. I bought ever kind I could find. (have you tried other styles?) at 6wks she started taking a binky and took it till she was 4 months and could suck her thumb which she perfer and then at about 17 months she quit that and had had the boob for comfort and food since.

She would cry most of the day and I tried everything, the only thing that helped was time. I totally understand how frustrating it is as DS was only 21 months when she was born.

I tried to pump till I was empty, that doesn't work lol but I was desperate. Hope things get better soon.