Need advice--not looking good

[carfreemama]

I am 42 and 6 weeks pregnant by LMP, though maybe a few days further along. I had brown spotting last night and now a little more today, maybe a tiny bit of pink. No cramps, but my pregnancy symptoms are pretty much gone. My breasts are completely back to normal.

I can accept that I am probably going to miscarry, I just don't know what to do. I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner tomorrow, BUT I am going away to Toronto by myself, to a wedding of all things, on Friday. The doc says the hospital will want an hCG level before they schedule an ultrasound, so I can't possibly get an u/s by Thursday, right? I'm in Nova Scotia, BTW. The thought of being alone on an airplane and then on a train for several hours, alone and then with my 86-year-old mother, a thousand miles away from home and possibly miscarrying DOES NOT thrill me. Theoretically, I can cancel this trip; but it's nonrefundable and a lot of plans have been made around it. If I miscarry, will I still be able to function?

I don't even know if I want an u/s to tell me the baby has died. At this early stage, I'd almost rather just let nature take its course. But the not knowing is awful.

[2sweetboysmom]

I'm so sorry.
In my experience miscarriage at 6ish weeks was physically not a big deal, it was a slightly heavier clottier period. I have managed helping my parents move, Christmas at my house with guests, all the normal life stuff. Emotionally, it is a different story. If it were me I would go to the wedding, but carve out a bit of time alone and rest/cry/think.
If you post this in the pregnancy and birth loss section you will get many more responses.

[DaisyMae08]

I know you must be so worried right now, but spotting in early pregnancy can be competely normal as can the waxing and waning of symptoms. I'm sure the combination of the two things is what has you so upset, but things might really be just fine! I'm 6 1/2 weeks right now with my first ultrasound scheduled for Friday and there are some days that I have no symptoms at all and others that I do.

It's certainly good to be prepared, and I think the previous poster is right in that physically, you should be fine to continue with your plans. The emotional part is likely what would be tougher.

Meanwhile, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything turns out to be just fine!

[carfreemama]

Thanks, ladies! I guess I just couldn't bring myself to post on a forum with "lost" yet. I am trying to toe the line between hopeful and realistic. I am such a worrier anyway, I don't know if I can do this again. I sure hope I don't have to!

[rparker]

I've miscarried at 5 and 8+ weeks (don't remember exact date, but it was before 12 weeks). I also had spotting around 6 weeks that went on to become a healthy child. What you're describing sounds more like my healthy pregnancy than either miscarriage.

Both miscarriages were pretty much like a really heavy/awful period (the later one more so). Both were manageable with pads/menstrual cup and Advil... and I think some extra iron. I wouldn't have cancelled travel plans with either of them. (I actually was driving 10+ hours twice during the 5 week one.)

Plus from what I've been able to tell airfare in/out of Nova Scotia is ridiculously expensive compared to similar US domestic flights. (A good friend of mine lives in Halifax.)

[carfreemama]

Thank you, rparker! I sure hope you're right! I'm mostly freaked out about my age. I know the stats, unfortunately.

I also have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and OCD, which is BRUTAL in compounding first-trimester anxiety. My dh, in fact, tells me that I experienced ALL of this with our very healthy dd. He said one day I had boobs, the next I didn't. And he insists I had spotting from early on. I know I did later, which turned out to be from a yeast infection. But it's the combinatin of spotting and my now-normal breasts that's really freaking me out. Why have they completely deflated for the past 3 days? OTOH, I do believe I have been having nausea for the last few days, predictably after lunch and into the evening. But that may be wishful thinking. Maybe my constant checking my cervix (gently, but still) could have caused my bleeding? I'm hoping somebody can tell me something tomorrow. I don't know how long it will take to get an u/s organized, but I doubt I can have it done before I leave.

Thanks again for the information and reassurance.

Oh, and BTW, I did get a seat sale to Ottawa and then the train to Toronto. Total cost $530 return CDN. It's usually an awful lot more than that and this ticket is non-refundable. Oh and thanks for the reassurance about travel. I don't know how you managed that, but now I know it can be done! Knowing I can handle this trip removes a lot of the anxiety. Even if this little being doesn't make it all the way, I know I have a huge opportunity to practice letting go here.

[Carolinamom4]

Good luck. I had spotting with all pregnancies (twice from YI or BV), and not miscarried. I have heard that if you are going to miscarry usually the spotting gets worse quickly. I hope you have a good time at the wedding and keep us updated!

Kim

[gradstudentmommy]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so stressful.

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks but the spotting (brown with some pink) started a full two weeks before I actually miscarried. So even if you're going to miscarry, it might not happen this weekend.

I'm now 24 weeks pregnant and I again had brown and pink spotting at 9 weeks but so far everything has turned out OK. There's really no way of knowing without tests.

I would probably still go to the wedding. For me the miscarriage was really bad for a few hours (like labor pains) but the rest of the time it was manageable. And like I said, I was further along than you.

Good luck mama! I really hope everything works out.

[MaerynPearl]

Ive never had spotting, even in my miscarriage. A good friend of mine had bleeding early in her pregnancy... enough to make her believe she got her period and she never took a pregnancy test until the NEXT month when she missed her period! But there was no way she got pregnant that second month as her husband was hundreds of miles away (imagine both of their surprise and his initial anger until the ultrasound confirmed she had bled at 4 weeks!)

Bleeding can happen even in totally healthy pregnancies! Her little one was born this February and is a chunky healthy little boy!

[St. Margaret]

I know it is SO hard to be in that awful not-knowing place. I had a m/c at about that time with my first pregnancy, and it was like a normal period, and having the distraction of a trip and family (if they are loving and you like being with them) would be good, IMO. I remember renting a pile of movies and buying a bag of chocolate, so I wouldn't have to THINK for several days.

BUT with my very next cycle I got pregnant (oops!) and had sooo much bleeding, starting at about the time of my period and for at least a month. It was terrible, but it stopped and the rest of the pregnancy was totally normal and super healthy and easy and DD is beautiful and brilliant and 3! So it can go either way, best of luck and healing wishes!

[carfreemama]

St. Margaret, I guess my fear is for the actual trip. I will be in an airport, then a plane and then hanging around waiting for a 5-hour train ride. If I get labour-type pains then, what will I do? Once I'm actually there, I will be with my mother and some other family and all will be well. But I really don't think I can cancel this trip. It's emotional in itself, because it's my brother in law who is remarrying. My sister died only 1 1/2 years ago and it's her husband. I almost didn't TTC last month, for fear of exactly this scenario; but I thought the odds were just so small that I'd become pregnant and I didn't want to put things on hold.

[St. Margaret]

Aw, that is hard! If this is an important trip and your money is already in, I'd risk it. I think most people at that many weeks have more of a period experience than labor pains, although I don't know that for sure. I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time! I still hope for the best for you!

[Yuba_River]

I jut wanted to add that checking your cervix, even if it is very gentle, could be the cause of the spotting. I hope that's all it is and that you have a healthy and happy nine months!

[carfreemama]

Spotting went from brown to dark red this morning. Still not a lot so far, but looks like period blood. I do not want to go to the doctor today, but I have to. I don't want to take this trip.

[RedOakMomma]

I miscarried at 6 weeks while on vacation last summer. It's not a happy way to spend a trip, but it wasn't hard to manage the m/c at all. I just needed to stop more often to make sure I didn't bleed through the tampons.

Be gentle with yourself, mama. I think it's harder to miscarry when you're away from home...there's something so sad about it to begin with, but then you're supposed to be out and about and enjoying yourself. Having to constantly think about your loss, while also dealing with the vacation happies of other people, is not easy.

That said, I was sometimes glad to be away from home, seeing beautiful things. I was able to find some really quiet, lovely spots and think about what was happening. It didn't make me the best vacation buddy, but the beauty of the scenery felt good. I tried to focus in, very tightly, on anything that brought me some inner joy (even if it was just a flower, or a stack of stones, or a pretty arangement in a store), and ignore the rest.

[carfreemama]

Thanks, RedOakMama, I think I can do this; thanks in large part to all your support about this. I have great support IRL, too, so I am blessed. I hope they can tell me something at my appointment. There is still so little blood at all. I don't want to think there's a chance things are okay, because I'm pretty sure they're not and hope just feels cruel right now. Not to say that I won't be overjoyed if this turns out okay. My dh keeps telling me that I went through ALL of this with my pregnancy with dd, so that's confusing. I don't remember it being like this. I need to prepare myself for hearing "I'm sorry, I'm afraid you're going to lose this one."

One thing I'm very good at is taking care of myself when I'm sad. I don't cry a lot, though and I'm surprised how close tears are to the surface right now. That takes me off guard. But I will have no problem taking time to treat myself to lunch and maybe a special piece of jewelry to remind me of this pregnancy, stuff like that. I've learned how to nurture myself. And I know I will be okay.

This little being's name is Merlin, BTW. I've always loved that name and dh would never allow me to name a baby that. So right away when I found out I was pregnant, I named the pregnancy Merlin. My little magician who came out of nowhere. I so hope he hasn't disappeared, but even if he has I know he will always be with me.

[DaisyMae08]

What a beautiful post carfreemama. I am thinking about you and hoping that you are able to find some peace no matter what the outcome.

[carfreemama]

The cramping and clotting have started. I just feel relieved and so sad. I've known this was coming for days.

Mods, can you please move this to pregnancy and birth loss?

[stormgirl]

Hugs to you mama, I'm sorry for your loss.

[carfreemama]

Well, it's all over. I miscarried this afternoon. I saw the sac. I went to the doctor. They said my uterus was measuring 8 weeks and asked if I was sure of my dates. I am, except I always thought I was 1 week ahead, so that would put me at 7. The other doc who examined me said 7. Why would I be measuring bigger? My anxiety kicked in when she said that and I thought "this is where they find the inoperable uterine mass." I panicked and thought that's why it was bigger. So then she told me I would have to go to emergency for an ultrasound and I got even more panicky. Everything feels like it's okay. Are ultrasounds routine after miscarriage?

I have to go back tomorrow morning to see my regular doc; which is good, because she's very non-invasive and I love her. Nobody seemed to think my trip to Toronto was a good idea. I have to admit, the way I'm feeling right now the thought of getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go to the airport doesn't appeal to me; but unless there's a good medical reason not to, I do intend to go.

I'm surprised I'm not feeling worse. I hope tonight is peaceful.