My dd was 8 months old before I decided I needed help and at that point, I had already given up BF.
I can't really say there was one real "breaking point," but I just kinda realized that there weren't any more excuses left. After dd was born, there were a lot of things that went on. BF was a STRUGGLE and I gave it up at 5 months. I also had a tooth that had previously been filled that responded to birth badly and ended up needing a root canal. But we had changed insurances and the new insurance had a waiting period that I was trying to wait out. The tooth wouldn't wait any more, and at one point my entire face began to swell and I called my dentist's cell phone at 10:30pm on a Saturday for pain meds and antibiotics. I was in a LOT of pain for a while because of that. And we were having some serious financial issues because I wasn't working. But by 8 months old, we were 3 months past the BF issue, the tooth was fixed and our finances were just about under control, and yet, I still had days where I was just sitting on the floor with dd, crying, while she crawled around me. I just really felt like there weren't any more excuses.
I talked to my primary doc, who started me on Paxil. Unfortunately, I reacted badly to it, and ended up in the ER with Tachecardia. (sp?) Although, he also stuck me on a sulfa based antibiotic for a spider bite infection, and really, there's no way to know if it was the Paxil or the sulfa based AB (something I had never had before, so it's entirely possible I am allergic to sulfa based AB.) But, to be safe, we switched anyway. I went on Wellbutrin, which only served to up my anxiety like times 12, and I also tried some Xanex to pair with it. After a month or so, we decided that wasn't working, so I tried one more thing, Risperdal (sp?).
That really really helped. For a while. Then the side effects began to really get to me. It caused a weight gain. It also increased prolactin levels in my blood, which had the same effects as BF, which was kinda heartbreaking after having given up BF. And, I already get migraines, and with the risperdal, I was having them like 3 times a week.
So, in December, I weaned myself off, without telling my Doc. I seriously do not recommend that anyone go off antidepressants without supervision. I wasn't suicidal, but I began to understand those who get that way.
Ironically, I credit that mess with my pg this time. DD2 was conceived through IVF and we dealt with 6 years of IF. And hindsight being 20/20, I now realize that one of the biggest environmental factors in my PPD was a deep fear that DD2 would be our last. I "NEEDED" one more, but I was sure that we weren't going to ever be able to afford another IVF and was beyond terrified that I was going to end up raising "two only kids." DD1 is 13 years older than DD2 and is really more like an only. I didn't want DD2 to have to grow up basically without siblings. The increase in prolactin levels caused my ovulation to become somewhat inhibited-when BF, AF showed at 8wks pp, while on risperdal, I ovulated once in 2 months, had half an AF. But apparently, going off caused me to immediately ovulate and we got pg, naturally. I genuinely don't believe it would have happened had I not been on that specific med, or if I hadn't decided to go off it then.
Now that I AM pg and I can look back, through the relief that DD2 will get to actually grow up with a sibling, and realize that I probably could have benefitted from some therapy too. I think that would have helped me to realize at the time that the fear of IF again was such a contributing factor.
So, I guess what I can say I learned from that is that there is a place for therapy, that it can help to uncover some underlying causes, that meds might just mask. Also, it can take a bit of trial and error to find a med that will help. Also, even if it helps, it's important to judge the side effects-are they worth the relief that the meds might bring. And, all meds take a while to kick in, they kinda need to build up in your system a little.
