We have two children, a 2.5y/o DS and a 5-month-old DS. I'm a SAHM and DS2 has never been left with anyone other than my husband, while I can count on one hand the number of times DS1 has ever been left with anyone. We're very fortunate to have family nearby, but I'm hesitant to let them watch my children. My sister and BIL are local and they have a 5-year-old and a newborn (both boys also) but I would not trust them because they parent VERY differently than us. My BIL is overly harsh with the 5-year-old and my sister is kind but can be inattentive, plus she believes in CIO which we are very against. My parents are also local. My dad has openly criticized our parenting several times - he also believes in CIO and has suggested it many times, he's made comments about needing to wean DS1 soon, etc. I also believe he would be more harsh than we'd like if he needed to discipline DS1. I believe my mom would follow our wishes if she watched them, but I don't know that she'd have the engergy to do it all herself and I think it could lead to disagreements/arguments between her and my dad if he suggested going against our wishes. We do have a dear friend in our AP group who has watched DS1 before - when we had a few weddings to attend, and during DS2's birth - but we feel like it's asking a huge favor for her to watch him and especially if it was both. We've offered to return the favor but her MIL is local and watches her daughter when needed.
Anyway, I'd really like to make couple-time with DH a priority even if it's only very occasional. But, we're going to have a hard time trusting anyone with the boys. My worries are this... with DS1, he's just a little wild man. He gets into everything if you take your eyes off him, and I just worry about my parents (who we'd likely use) having the energy to stay on top of him. DS2 is a pretty easy-going baby and takes a bottle of EBM okay for DH if I'm ever not here (I teach a Yoga class once a week). My other concern is with both of their sleep. DS1 still nurses to sleep for his nap and at night, and wakes during the night to nurse (so I wouldn't feel comfortable getting him to sleep then going out). DS2 I usually wear to sleep - I have to put him in my wrap and bounce on an exercise ball. In theory, my mom could do that to get him to sleep but I don't know if he'd go to sleep for her and I hate the thought of him crying because he wants me until he cries himself to sleep. He naps 3-4 times a day and generally is only wake 2-3 hours at a time before he needs another nap (closer to 2 hours early in the day, can go longer stretches later in the day).
I think our other problem is that we pride ourselves on being very independent. My sister frequently has my parents watch / help out with her older son (and it's only a matter of time with the baby...) and DH's sister has always been the same way with their mom, and we've always been proud to not ask for their help.
I'm thinking that our best bet might be to get DS2 down for his last nap of the day at their house, then go out for a quick dinner. He'd be okay when he woke up (he doesn't always nurse upon waking like DS1, he's pretty chill when DH gets him after a nap) and we'd have a couple hours until they both need to go to bed. My other big worry is that they'd try to be heroes if either of the kids got upset. If one of them got upset and inconsolable, I'd want my parents to call us and tell us. We'd rather come home early than have our kids be very upset for a few hours. But I think my parents wouldn't want to bother us, and would try to calm them down themselves, and wouldn't call. And there'd be no way for us to ever know, so we can't really hold them accountable.
Any tips?
Anyway, I'd really like to make couple-time with DH a priority even if it's only very occasional. But, we're going to have a hard time trusting anyone with the boys. My worries are this... with DS1, he's just a little wild man. He gets into everything if you take your eyes off him, and I just worry about my parents (who we'd likely use) having the energy to stay on top of him. DS2 is a pretty easy-going baby and takes a bottle of EBM okay for DH if I'm ever not here (I teach a Yoga class once a week). My other concern is with both of their sleep. DS1 still nurses to sleep for his nap and at night, and wakes during the night to nurse (so I wouldn't feel comfortable getting him to sleep then going out). DS2 I usually wear to sleep - I have to put him in my wrap and bounce on an exercise ball. In theory, my mom could do that to get him to sleep but I don't know if he'd go to sleep for her and I hate the thought of him crying because he wants me until he cries himself to sleep. He naps 3-4 times a day and generally is only wake 2-3 hours at a time before he needs another nap (closer to 2 hours early in the day, can go longer stretches later in the day).
I think our other problem is that we pride ourselves on being very independent. My sister frequently has my parents watch / help out with her older son (and it's only a matter of time with the baby...) and DH's sister has always been the same way with their mom, and we've always been proud to not ask for their help.
I'm thinking that our best bet might be to get DS2 down for his last nap of the day at their house, then go out for a quick dinner. He'd be okay when he woke up (he doesn't always nurse upon waking like DS1, he's pretty chill when DH gets him after a nap) and we'd have a couple hours until they both need to go to bed. My other big worry is that they'd try to be heroes if either of the kids got upset. If one of them got upset and inconsolable, I'd want my parents to call us and tell us. We'd rather come home early than have our kids be very upset for a few hours. But I think my parents wouldn't want to bother us, and would try to calm them down themselves, and wouldn't call. And there'd be no way for us to ever know, so we can't really hold them accountable.
Any tips?
. I drive myself crazy trying to imagine and prevent every possible negative scenario which is totally impossible and also keeps me from doing things I want to do.
