Circ drama - warning:sensitive issue! - Page 2

[audeesmom]

I agree with the above replies to stay low key and wait. And I like the idea if DH can do some research of his own.

Also what helped me was to leave well researched and easy to read articles that supported my beliefs around the house, like in the bathroom, for easy reading. I still do that with parenting tips i learn and it seems to help instead of giving mini lectures or sermons.

PS. I was taught several languages growing up and it was wonderful to have that opportunity. I hope you can teach your children Dutch.

[rad]

I agree with everyone else. Just let it go right now. I know it's hard. I have a very difficult time letting stuff go when i'm pregnant when I really want them resolved now. But in this case it'd probably be best to do your research in the next several months. Then as the time gets closer start giving them to your DH and discuss it with him. The bathroom is a great spot to leave stuff. I know I'll leave random magazine and articles in there and DH usually picks them up and then asks me about them.

Circumcision was something I had no knowledge about when I was pg with my first but our family dr brought it up and I knew we should probably find out more so we could decide. I'm very grateful our dr did mention it so we knew we had a choice cause I think we always just assumed that's what was done. Our dr told us it wasn't really necessary to do it. DH is circ'd but I was very lucky he was willing to research the topic with me and wasn't super set one way or another. But as we've learned more through the years both of us have been so glad we left all 4 of our boys intact.

[ma_Donna]

Sometimes the argument from another person about a particular parenting point isn't about the child, it's about themselves.

If you want an intact boy, does that say something about your partner. No, but men can certainly have insecurities around their private parts! This could be a deeper issue.

Fortunately when this came up with us DH said that he wished he hadn't been circed. He said it's going to be the child's body and the child's decision. We have 2 intact boys. This is one of the most simple and compelling arguments I've heard for not circing - not your body, not your choice.

Good luck.

[thehappyhippo]

I had the same issue with my husband when we were pregnant with our last baby. We didn't know the gender either but I had learned a lot about circumcision and decided it was something I did NOT want our son going through.

Anyway, we did wind up with a son and thankfully he is intact and we are both on the same page.

The things that brought my husband over were somewhat because of the logicalness of a. there not being any medical benefit b. no religious benefit (we're not jewish) c.the irony of mutilating something that is perfectly formed.

Now that is the typical arguments and why those did effect my husbands decision what really brought him over were these two things.

This question was posed to my husband (who was also mindlessly circ'd for the same reason...to look like everyone else.
1. If your parents hadn't of circumcised you would you go to the doctor today to have part of your penis cut off just to look like other men?
His response was H*ll no! There was no way he'd let a doctor chop off part of his manhood.
Point #2
2. We have both agreed that we do not believe we have the right to make changes to our children before they are of the age of consent. The only other good example I can think of right now is piercing our daughter's ears. We had both decided that needed to be her choice when she was old enough to be accountable and responsible for that decision since it was *her* body. This is in no way any different. How could we as parents make such a drastic choice for our son based solely on a personal aesthetic preference that was both permanent and brutal?
3. I had never and my husband had never come across the information on how circumcision effects sexual pleasure and once we both read that information my husband (and I) were pretty crushed. It made him really angry that he was circumcised at that point and it was a really big deal to him. He was depressed for a few days afterwards. I think this is important for men to learn and I think most men can connect with this when the other reasons don't really matter to them. Men enjoy sex and when they find out that they (and their spouse) have been robbed from a fullness of what their bodies were intended to do they get very upset. So, here is the link that helped but please be aware there are some very graphic images and videos. It is completely educational however and is meant to be that way, but still...just warning you.

You click on the top ten reasons but on the homepage you can also scroll down to read...
Hmmm. Mothering won't let me link it here because of the URL name. Just google: sex as nature intended it. which is also the .com name.


Here is another good link that talks about the effects sexually:
http://www.cirp.org/library/anatomy/ohara/

[treeoflife3]

I don't have a son and I'm not currently pregnant so a son is quite far off in the future for me... but I've been firm in my being against circ since before we were married. I had my husband agreeing with me after showing him the penn and teller bullshit ep on it but then someone at work told him how he needed an adult circ because of the conditions they are in while deployed (military) so now he thinks we should circ because 'our son will most likely want to go military too so he'll probably end up needing a circ anyway.'

I told him that the big maybe in his scenario is absolutely not enough of a reason to cut off a working body part and although I respect his opinions and compromise on all sorts of things (things I'm not happy with but isn't worth the fight about 'not caring' and 'getting my way') circumcision just couldn't be one of them.

I give on all sorts of things for him and almost never put my foot down on anything so I decided to do so in this instance because it is so important to me. The conversation ended with him saying I just don't care about what he thinks and me being confused because not changing my mind isn't the same as not caring so we'll have to revisit it, but I feel that this is just one of those issues that you can't compromise on and I'm not willing to let him have his way.... especially when I'm the one who does the VAST majority of diaper changes and the LAST thing I want to do during the first weeks is worry about caring for a wound.

I know it isn't the best way to go about parenting decisions, but he got his way on vaxing and co sleeping and I just can't find it in me to cave on this one. He is worried about the pain our son might feel as an adult getting a circ... but at least he'd understand the pain then. I can't handle the thought of a newborn in pain like that.

[calngavinsmom]

Hi there. Since you are in Canada,d o you think it would help coming at him from a Canadian perspective? I live in Canada(in the Niagara Region) and I know that to get a baby circumcised here, you have to pre-arrange it with a pediatrician because not all of them will do it anymore.

Also, it costs about $300 in my area because the Canadian Pediatric society has re-categorized circ as non-thereputic(cosmetic) and actually recomends against it....stating that the risks and harms outweigh any possible benefit.

Here is some info on that:
http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/preg...rcumcision.htm

In fact, several of our provinces' medial boards are trying to get doctors to stop doing them altogether, as it is a violation of the babys basic human rights.

https://www.cpsbc.ca/files/u6/Circum...nfant-Male.pdf
http://www.intact.ca/saskmemo.html

Also, it is important to know that the majority of Canadian boys being born today are NOT being circumcised.

http://www.courtchallenge.com/refs/yr99p-e.html

And here is a link to a video of a typical circumcision done in Canada:
http://www.intact.ca/vidintro.htm

Good luck to you.....I hope your DH comes around soon

[SumnerRain]

DDCC We have three boys, #1 was circed by his birth mom before DH knew he had a son. #2 was circed because I let DH make the decision.... and I completely regret it. #3 is circed, I was not thrilled about it, but I gave in because DH would not even consider it.

Now that I am pg with #5 I am praying it is another girl because I just cannot let him do this to another baby, and I don't see him ever agreeing with me... and I know this would be a fight that would be up there with WW2 and I just cannot see winning.

DH watched them put the plastibell on DS #2, but he did not see them cutting DS#3, but even seeing it I don't think will persuade him. Even my Jewish midwife is against circ.

However, since we are having a homebirth, here is my plan. I am trying to get him to agree that waiting until the baby is 6 months and established BFing, is safest for baby and BFing. Since there is no option of getting it done in the hospital since we will be at home, that is a non-issue and I am hoping it will work in my favor. In the meantime, Netflix has Bullsh*t on DVD, which DH and I LOVE. We did not see the circ episode, which is Season 3 episode 1. I moved it to the top of the queue and I am not letting him know I know it is there. He just thinks I ordered them in order I found them. Phase two is that I refuse to have it done. I am hoping it will be as much of a priority as getting his vasectomy is, which is why I am pregnant now in the first place, he refuses to find a doc and make the appointment out of laziness.

I just wish I had known better when I had my first baby.... I was 18 and just thought it was normal. I had only known one male who was un-circed and he was so embarassed and ashamed of it that it really turned me off on the idea. When he turned 18 he chose to get circumsized out of his own pocket and that just put me over the edge on the pro-circ club. The older and more educated I got, I was on the fence, and now I am anti-circ, however with DH & our three boys all being circed, I just cannot see myself winning the fight. I agree with the other posters about not making it a huge fight right now, however I am now finding if you give in once, the fight gets even harder.