Deciding to have kids

[sellendie]

This is probably a strange question, but did you KNOW for absolute certainty that you wanted to have children? Or did you make a decision after a lot of contemplation?

[akind1]

I have wanted kids since I WAS a kid - granted I didn't want them that minute, but knew I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. So I babysat and did lots of church nursery, everyone always said I'd be a great mom someday, and I would say in my head "yeah, SOMEday" - (taking care of other people's children I have found to be great birth control!)

For me, it was more the when, than the IF. when DH and I got married, I would have been ok with just letting nature take its course, but DH wanted a couple years to ourselves, and I was fine with that. I stopped getting shots (depo provera) a little after our 1 year anniversary, as I knew it would take time to get out of my system beyond that. It took 2 years after the shot ran out to get pregnant.

so, the short answer is YES I knew for certain, and NO it didn't take much contemplation. What took a lot of thought was how far we would be willing to go to have biological children. We ended up needing no medical assistance, but I did have some testing done. FWIW I think we might have gone as far as Clomid. I don't know that we would be comfortable going much further than that.

[jodi5]

When I was young in school, I didn't know if I wanted to have kids when I grew up. When I met the right person though, then I started to come around. When we decided to have kids, I can't say we were totally ready, we came to the conclusion that we would never be totally ready and that you just have to jump in with both feet. I miscarried my first pregnancy and it really hit me hard. Then I knew we were ready and that it was something I really wanted. I love being a mom. We just had our third son 8 weeks ago. It was by far my best birth and I am loving being a new mom all over again.

[enigo]

Nope, not me. When I was younger I never wanted kids. I softened a bit as I got older. When we got married everyone always said what a great dad DH would be, by the time I was 35 I thought awww what the heck.

I cannot believe I waited so long. DS is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me.

[zjande]

There was never a moment for me personally when I wondered whether I'd have kids. My favorite game as a kid was "playing house" & I couldn't wait to have kids, lots of them, when I was a teen. I had my DD when I was 17. If I'd been in the right relationship I'm pretty sure that I'd have had lots of kids in my 20s. But I wasn't, so I only had 2 before I turned 30 & met my dream boy. He & I have since had a baby every 2 yrs. lol I've never been happier in my life.

To sum up, there was no contemplation on my part at all. Zero. I just had my genes yelling "babies! have more babies!!" at me my entire life. lol!

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by sellendie

This is probably a strange question, but did you KNOW for absolute certainty that you wanted to have children?

No. I decided after I met the right person.

[mambera]

As a child and early teen I wasn't sure, but by about age 18 or 19 I knew I wanted to have a family someday. I actually started having 'baby fever' in my mid-20s but hadn't met an appropriate partner so didn't have my first until age 31.

[sellendie]

Thanks so much for the replies ladies. Sometimes I feel disappointed that I have not been anxious to have children since I was young like so many seem to. The biology factor really kicked in when I first got married a couple years and I was certain that I wanted kids, but now DH and I have begun really discussing it and planning it, and I hate that I am not 100% certain, and I almost feel guilty about that.

[akind1]

I think sometimes it almost takes a "scare" (I hate to call it that) to know for sure. If you found out tomorrow that you were pregnant, how would you feel? ambivalent, excited, or petrified?

I am one of those that knew from early on I wanted kids. I have DS now of course, but I thought I might be pregnant *again* when he was a couple months old (totally would have been possible, for some reason my cycles came back pretty quick) and I didn't even want to pick up a test until I was sure how I'd feel about it. Mostly I felt totally freaked out and really hoped it was negative (it was!). Now he is 6 months, and what a difference a few months makes! not that we are actively trying, but we aren't really avoiding either. I would be thrilled if we got pregnant soon, but ok if it took a while.

Don't feel guilty! it is ok if you aren't sure about kids; you might not be until it is a done deal, so to speak. keep talking with your DH and it will all come together.

[Three~Little~Birds]

I did not feel strongly about it when I was younger; I would waffle back and forth, fully able to envision my life either way. When DH and I decided to get married, we had a discussion and agreed that we both eventually wanted kids (dealbreaker if we didn't agree on both wanting or not wanting, imo), but not anytime too soon. I got pregnant much sooner than expected and was so freaked out. We were married (just the week before though ) but weren't 'ready'.
Honestly, I don't think that we would have ever felt 'ready', had the decision not been made for us.
Having kids has been the best thing in my life. We now have three and I wish that I would have had my first much sooner (I was 28 at the time), for various reasons.
HTH

[lkmiscnet]

I didn't decide to have kids until age 42!

I agonized over the decision for about 7+years and even talked to a therapist about it. I would quiz friends that had kids about their experiences, particularly a couple of friends who seems disinterested in kids as well, until they ended up having their own and drank the proverbial kool aid.

I almost felt like deep down inside I didn't want any, and I was trying to convince myself that I should because that's what you are supposed to feel.

One friend used the love I had for my beloved cat as an analogy to how many thousand times greater my love would be for a baby.

Also, on another note, I end up returning lots of stuff I buy, and my one funny fear was that if I were unhappy with being a mom, I couldn't very well return the baby. I think I also mainly feared the loss of ME and not being able to be "selfish" and do my own thing. You do lose ME time, that's for sure, when you have a baby.

I finally decided to just take a HUGE leap of faith as I feared it would be the biggest regret of my life if I didn't have any kids. Also, having lost my father and two grandparents just prior to making the leap, I developed a deeper appreciation for family and having someone to lean on. And because it's now just my mom and one brother, and I have a DH who is almost 20 years older, I felt it important to have a family unit of my own. I didn't like the vision of being all alone as an old woman! There is nothing like family.

So, now I have a one year old bouncing baby boy and I wish I had done this much sooner. I now want to have baby #2 and time is not on my side.

Incidentally, we had to go through IVF due to my DH's infertility.

While I expect there will be many ups and downs as a parent, I am still glad I made the decision.

[Punchy Kaby]

I know this is an old thread, but still interesting. I have friends going through this right now. We are getting to our late 30s and there is pressure on those that don't have kids, I know they feel it, we talk about it.

For me, I NEVER wanted kids when I was younger. I wanted a career. I didn't babysit, never was interested in kids. After I got married, I softened and began to think that I was married to a man that I would want kids with. Then followed jobs and a house and after 5 years of marriage I was ready. And no, I still did not like other people's children. Then I had DS, and he rocked our world. I never knew a love like this. We have two kids and I love being a mommy. I still have a career and sometimes I still just tolerate other people's kids, but I am so glad I had some of my own.

[pinkgeek]

You pretty much described my thoughts on the matter, other than I don't have any LOs yet

[AugustLia23]

Always knew I wanted to have kids. I remember as a teen, I made a resolution that if I didn't have a partner to have them with by 25, I'd do it on my own...Never needed it, though. My first son was born when I was 18, then promptly had two more. I'm almost certain I'm not done, but I am done for now.