Daycare situation- WWYD?

[penstamon]

I am back to work pt and was so happy to find the friend of a friend to watch DS (10 mo) for half the cost of other daycare. She is a wonderful lady, lives nearby, and watched other LO's who are a few years older than DS. She has loads of experience and has an obvious touch with kids. I don't think I would have gone back to work pt if DS didn't love her when we were trying her out.

BUT: DS has always been a poor sleeper and really needs his naps. I stay home mornings so he can get his first nap before I leave then drop him off and hopefully he gets his second nap there. She told me she would put him in a pack & play in another room next to where the other kids were playing. However, in the weeks that DS has gone there, he NEVER NAPS. I thought it was him, yet lately I have been piecing together things that she says and I think she just never makes it a point to get him to nap. DH picked him up the other day and she was walking around the house with DS on her shoulder with his head bobbing and he was half asleep!!! Needless to say he slept like crap that night and DH and I were zombies for another day. Otherwise she said she can get him to nap for 20 min on her in a chair (sometimes when she is on the phone!). This method has not worked for us since he was 2 months old and I have told her that. The one day she only had DS, he took two great naps in the pack & play, but when other kids are there he is overstimulated and exhausted by the time I pick him up. Every time. It is too late for him o nap at home before bed and then he sleeps awful at night:4-8 wakings, less overall sleep, up early the next day. It is a vicious cycle.

This is NOT acceptable and I think I will confront her today, but I am wary: she can be a bit touchy and I have heard from other people that she is very picky about who's kids she watches because she doesn't always agree with parents. She was a past customer of my husband's business and she knows everyone in town- so it is great to keep her on our side. I know that if we can't get over this that I will have to find somewhere else for him to go.

Other problems with her watching him have been minor and I really do trust her. How do I go about getting my point across? Is it way too much to expect her to try to get DS to nap separately? There are usually 2 older kids there in the afternoons and they do not need naps. I just feel like this is what you pay others to watch your kids for!

[MeepyCat]

It can be really hard to convince a young toddler to sleep when there are interesting things going on in. ANd there are interesting things going on - this lady has two kids of her own, but I'm having trouble seeing what you would have her do here.

I don't understand why it's not acceptable for her to be walking around the house with a half-asleep kid on her shoulder. This is a pretty sound strategy for getting a kid to sleep, particularly a kid who's being grouchy and stubborn about it.

I agree that naps are really important, but I think that anger is unproductive here. You don't need to "confront her", you need to sit down with her, ask how it's going, and have a conversation. Does she know what you do to get your child to nap at home? Is that set of strategies something that's even possible for her to try, or does she need another plan?

[cheryllynn]

I wouldn't CONFRONT her. I would discuss the situation with her under the idea of how can we improve DS's afternoon nap? And then seek out how the room or place can be more quiet. If DS can't nap with other children, then for the time DS needs his extra naps, I would look for individual care. It will be more expensive, but if it's your DS's health, then I think it's worth it.

If you are going to the care because it is cheap and it's affecting your son's health, I think that the care situation either has to be improved or changed. You can always return another time when DS is older.

However, my DD reduced to one 2-3 hour afternoon nap when she was 9 months old. There's no forcing the nap time time-of-day. Maybe your work schedule can change to accomodate DS's naps?

[nextcommercial]

Well, what should she do to get him to sleep?

I have a daycare. I've had kids that need to be rocked to sleep, kids that needed to be put awake in a bed and left alone, and a few kids who's parents have asked me to let them cry it out.

I have never been offended by any special request from a parent, as long as it's reasonable. I've also had stupid insane requests from parents. I have no problem telling them I'm not about to do that.

If you are saying it respectfully and giving her ideas of what you know works, then she shouldn't be at all offended.

[nextcommercial]

Also, maybe the two of you can discuss how BOTH of you can make this work. He might not need such a long morning nap anymore. When he's well napped before the afternoon nap, he's not going to fall asleep.

The provider might be thinking "I wish this boy would sleep so I can get something done... I wish mom would stop letting him take such a long morning nap".

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm also not sure what she should be doing to make him nap? Leave him in another room in the pack'n play and let him cry? I don't think that's what you are saying, but I'm guessing she has tried putting him down and he doesn't fall asleep easily, so she keeps him up (or, carries him or holds him to try to get him to sleep).

It is normal when there are other kids awake for LO's to fight sleep even more than they would otherwise. They don't want to miss the action! If your DS needs complete quiet and routine to fall asleep, I would suggest a nanny who can come to your home - b/c commercial and home daycares will obviously have more kids and stuff going on if they don't all nap at the same time.

[Super~Single~Mama]

If you really really need him to take a morning AND afternoon nap that are really long, then you should probably get a nanny who can devote all of her time and energy to one baby.

10months is a hard nap time too. Is your ds walking? or trying to? Is he crawling? Can she do something really really fun with him so that he'll drop? Like going outside for some great play in the dirt fun, or something that he finds really fun but really tiring.

Otherwise, don't worry about it. How long has he been going? If only for a few weeks, don't worry - he's adjusting to a new situation.

Or, you could try having her watch him in the morning, and then you could be in charge of getting him a really good afternoon nap - which nap is more important? the morning or afternoon one? B/c around that age my son started transitioning to only 1 nap (yes, between 10-12month is when he went down to one nap).

[Drummer's Wife]

All four of my kids also switched to one afternoon nap around that age - so I agree that it could just be him not only adjusting to a new care provider, but also transitioning to one nap. It happens as they get older, too, and switch from one nap to none. Mine were cranky in the afternoons for a while, or, if they did nap, they were up super late at night as a result.

[penstamon]

Thanks for the replies. It is really important to me that I approach this situation from the right angle. DS still takes 2-3 naps a day at home - one around 9/10AM and one around 2/3PM and they each last 45min-1.5 hours. The morning nap is the shorter one, sometimes only 30 min. He will take a third nap most days too at home. I usually just put him down when he first yawns or rubs his eyes, say "night-night", put on white noise/background noise and walk away. No crying. I have asked her to try this- she has a stereo in the room, I brought over his favorite blankets. She is sometimes too busy or things are "too crazy". I don't think the morning nap is jeopardizing anything- he usually needs it most when he doesn't sleep well the night before.

I am not against her getting him sleepy while walking around with him, but I would like her to try putting him DOWN to sleep. I know that she does not always try this because she is busy with her own projects and the two other kids (one of which is 7-8 yrs so does not need too much watching).

I am definitely not looking to ask her to do anything that is too "insane", but I would like a little more effort put forth to his nap time- maybe just to know that a routine is attempted? Is this too much to ask?

FWIW, DS has napped fine the few times that he went to a daycare center, but they are more expensive. Yes, I understand that it may sound simple- just pay more- but we don't. have. the. money. My current job is barely covering health insurance and DS's daycare.

[boheime]

Can you switch your work schedule? If you could work in the morning and have the afternoon off, it shouldn't be such a big deal if he skipped his shorter morning nap, as he could make it up during his afternoon nap, if need be.

[Altair]

My baby was only taking one nap a day at that point, and 2 naps would have been more work than it was worth. Maybe try skipping the morning nap and then when you get to her house YOU put him down for a mid-day nap? He may sleep a long time then. At that age my baby was sleeping 7PM-8/9AM, then 12-2. (He would wake up at 6AM or so, but could be snuggled back to sleep).

We actually used afternoon childcare 1-2 times a week at this stage and we'd bring him drowsy and if he was grumpy his father would put him down for his nap and if he wasn't grumpy we'd put him in the stroller and whoever was watching him would take a walk. This didn't affect him being able to fall asleep in the crib the days he was with daddy all afternoon.

[CassnBeth]

As someone who used to nanny for multiple kids, no I don't think this is asking too much. Your son is a baby, after all, not a preschooler and at his age I would expect to need to devote some energy to watching the clock for his naps and then spending some time helping him get to sleep. Does this daycare provider think all babies will sleep when they need to? I know that can be a big ideological point for some people.

[Jayray]

I also don't think it's too much to ask. Especially since your babe goes down for naps so easily!! You are paying her to take care of your son! You should be able to have some say in how that happens.

[penstamon]

Originally Posted by CassnBeth

Does this daycare provider think all babies will sleep when they need to? I know that can be a big ideological point for some people.

I think you hit the nail on the head!

I did have a casual talk with her yesterday once I calmed down and re-emphasized the importance of afternoon naps for DS. I really really like her and I am hoping things will work out. DS did sleep 1.5 hours yesterday while there but she didn't have any other kids to watch. I think it is a great start to know that he can and will nap well when given the chance.