Why don't FUN phases start early?

[sapphire_chan]

If I have "no!" screamed at me one more time, you'll be able to see the flare from my head exploding from 876 miles away.

Sooner begun is sooner done? Or does starting this arbitrary no phase (and it's not as bad as it can be yet) now mean that it'll last extra months?

[lyra1977]

Ummmm...I'll be interested to see your responses because my DD is identical with the constant, irrational "NOOOOO"s and the screaming.

[sweetcheeks]

I'm right there with you, mama. My DS2 picked up "nooooooooooooooo!" from his cousin this past weekend. I know he's just fascinated with this new word and using it just because he can... but still, it's annoying!

[Climbergirl]

DS uses no for everything, even when he means yes. Very confusing. Or, he will say the *exact* same sentence but the tone of his voice tells you where he is happy or not about it.

For instance:

Q: Do you want cereal?

"No, Mommy get it" (normal voice) - means he wants Mommy to get it

"No, Mommy get it" (whiny voice) - means he wants to do it himself and is upset that I went to do it (usually the whiny voice is followed by the first normal voice sentence)

Seriously, seriously confusing. I try not to get worked up about it, because, well, he is learning to communicate.

[kittykat2481]

I don't know. We've moved on to "why" already, and I'm not sure I can handle another 3+ years of this.

[Carhootel]

oh NO! : My ds is about 2 months younger than your DD daughter and now I'm scared! Good luck and I'll be subbing for more info about my grim future

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Originally Posted by Carhootel

oh NO! : My ds is about 2 months younger than your DD daughter and now I'm scared! Good luck and I'll be subbing for more info about my grim future

Keep Q away from his buddy K! N didn't learn "no" until way late in the game. Unfortunately having a big brother means that K picked it up much earlier. All day long I hear "Noooo mommy!!" (because I am already mommy to him, not mama.)

[rightkindofme]

So the way we have dealt with this is that we start saying, "No!" back in silly voices. She then repeats it and we go back and forth until she is giggling and alternating it with "Yes!" I find that when I treat it this way and then ask again (for whatever it is) that I get a more real answer.

[sapphire_chan]

Oh, the "no"s and screaming started a few months ago, what's frazzling my nerves is the new found intensity. She's fine, then I do something that logically she should LIKE, and meltdown.

"ball"
"okay, here's a ball"
"Noooooooowoowoowowowoowowowooooooo" *sob*
"no ball? fine. the ball is here if you want it"
"noooooooooooooooooooo ball kitty* ball nooooo MOMMY!!!"
Attempt to hug, get shoved.
"yes, there is a kitty, do you want to pet the kitty?"
*sob* *sniffle* *face twisted up in that heart wrenching way that means the end of their baby universe has come* "noooooo baaaaaalllll"
*hoping to get a clue as to what on earth is the problem*"okay, here's a ball"
"ball!"

*Kitty, by the way, is said in a perfectly calm voice and is simply a note of observation that one of our cats is in the room.

15 minutes later we're exactly where we would've been in 5 seconds if she hadn't sent us on an emotional roller coaster except I feel like someone sandpapered my nerves.

Toddler=froot loop.

[ellemenope]

Why don't FUN phases start early?

Sure fun phases start early. We just don't call them phases when they are fun. We naively believe those things will go on forever. Only the crummy stuff falls into phases.

I guess technically DD is in this phase. But, she does things a little different. She puts her own flare on it.

She is not a screamer. And she does not throw tantrums, yet. But, she does this thing with her no's... I mean I think I am getting a glimpse of a very difficult adolescence.

She doesn't say "No." She says "No-wuh." Very drawn out and dramatic. Kind of sigh-like.

But, the kicker is that she kinda stares up off into space like she is not paying any attention to what I am saying. She will even like twiddle her fingers.

Do you want some broccoli? No-wuh.
Do you want some cucumbers? No-wuh.
Do you want some apples? No-wuh.
Do you want some kitty-cat cookies? No-wuh. <wait> Yes!

I am really not doing it justice.

She is also in the "why" phase, but not really. I though the "why" phase was just the constant "why?" after every explanation. DD just randomly asks long "why" sentences.

But, what is more unnerving is the "what's dat" phase. I think she is really old to be in this phase at 23 months. But she wants to know what the most bizarre things are.

DD: What's dat?
Me: Um, that is a like an abstract drawing of a woman holding bread close to her breasts with her hair blowing in the wind. (Describing the Panera bread trademark. DH thought it was a woman in a hurricane with a baby.)

Anyway, It is not that bad. I just keep reminding myself of her first 4 months. Now that was bad.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by ellemenope

Do you want some broccoli? No-wuh.
Do you want some cucumbers? No-wuh.
Do you want some apples? No-wuh.
Do you want some kitty-cat cookies? No-wuh. <wait> Yes!

I am really not doing it justice.

2 going on 12? Does she also ?

Originally Posted by ellemenope

She is also in the "why" phase, but not really. I though the "why" phase was just the constant "why?" after every explanation. DD just randomly asks long "why" sentences.

example? is it like "why are kitties and a moon and trees and we have to go to bed and we eat apples and ....." and you can't get a word in edgewise to start answering any of it?

Originally Posted by ellemenope

But, what is more unnerving is the "what's dat" phase. I think she is really old to be in this phase at 23 months. But she wants to know what the most bizarre things are.

DD: What's dat?
Me: Um, that is a like an abstract drawing of a woman holding bread close to her breasts with her hair blowing in the wind. (Describing the Panera bread trademark. DH thought it was a woman in a hurricane with a baby.)

Hey, at least you knew what she was "what's dat"ing about.

Lina's most favorite thing in the world is "that". If you don't give her "that" she gets very insistent about "that". If you attempt to get her to tell you more about "that" or hold her up to point more closely at "that" she becomes convinced we are withholding "that" from her just to be mean. It's not too bad when "that" is actually visible and present, but she's been known to point to where something was at one point in the past and then get incredibly mad as we go through everything in a 10 foot radius.

Of course positive traits will last forever, just like how she lets me brush her teeth like two months ago...oh wait. And she feeds the cats one scoop of food each...nevermind.

[welsh]

We're in the 'I don't love you Mummy' phase when tired and cranky.
Followed by, 1 minute later, 'Can I hug you? I love you sooooo much Mummy'.

Urgh.

[JessieBird]

We're in the no phase now too. DS is only 18 mos and I sure hope it's over with sooner because it started earlier. Somehow I doubt it though...

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

So the way we have dealt with this is that we start saying, "No!" back in silly voices. She then repeats it and we go back and forth until she is giggling and alternating it with "Yes!" I find that when I treat it this way and then ask again (for whatever it is) that I get a more real answer.

Thanks for reminding me of this!! It does work. I used this approach back when the no's first started about six weeks ago. Then I went completely BONKERS and forgot how to be patient and fun.

[Logan's mommy]

We only get "no" when we ask a question.
"Do you want more juice?"
"Uh... no."
"Would you like to go outside?"
"Uh... no."

It's never just "no" it's always "uh... no" I find it funny because it's always said in such a pleasant voice. He's still really big into "What's that?" He'll be looking at me and pointing the other way, not even caring what he's pointing at. Drives me bonkers.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by ellemenope

She doesn't say "No." She says "No-wuh." Very drawn out and dramatic. Kind of sigh-like.

But, the kicker is that she kinda stares up off into space like she is not paying any attention to what I am saying. She will even like twiddle her fingers.

Do you want some broccoli? No-wuh.
Do you want some cucumbers? No-wuh.
Do you want some apples? No-wuh.
Do you want some kitty-cat cookies? No-wuh. <wait> Yes!

Our son did this for a few months also. We just kept pretending he was saying "Noah" and asking him if that was what he wanted to name the baby if it was a boy. He would get confused as to why we were asking him that then forget about the 'no'. He also has a friend named Norah, so we would ask him if he meant Norah also.


--------

In general, we deal with No's by just saying okay. If it's something simple and he can answer no to it. If he is being rude and obnoxious I try asking him what he wants instead, if he doesn't answer, I tell him to let me know when he is ready to use words. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[kittykat2481]

Today, after the millionth "why"...

Where are we going?
Home.
Why?
So we can eat.
Why?
Because we're hungry.
Why?
Because it's lunch time.
Why?
Because it's almost noon.

DS actually said these words to me...

"Why do I keep saying so many why's?"

I was like, seriously?

Oh and I also get the occaisional "Yeave me ayone!" Really? Are you 15? No. I respect his right to want to be left alone though, so all I can come up with is, "Say 'Leave me alone, please' ". I know, lame. I've got nothing else though.

[gagin37]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Oh, the "no"s and screaming started a few months ago, what's frazzling my nerves is the new found intensity. She's fine, then I do something that logically she should LIKE, and meltdown.

"ball"
"okay, here's a ball"
"Noooooooowoowoowowowoowowowooooooo" *sob*
"no ball? fine. the ball is here if you want it"
"noooooooooooooooooooo ball kitty* ball nooooo MOMMY!!!"
Attempt to hug, get shoved.
"yes, there is a kitty, do you want to pet the kitty?"
*sob* *sniffle* *face twisted up in that heart wrenching way that means the end of their baby universe has come* "noooooo baaaaaalllll"
*hoping to get a clue as to what on earth is the problem*"okay, here's a ball"
"ball!"

*Kitty, by the way, is said in a perfectly calm voice and is simply a note of observation that one of our cats is in the room.

15 minutes later we're exactly where we would've been in 5 seconds if she hadn't sent us on an emotional roller coaster except I feel like someone sandpapered my nerves.

Toddler=froot loop.

mama, you just described my whole day yesterday. ds is just a couple days older than your dd, so I'm guessing/hoping/praying this is just a phase?