Playdates - if you aren't comfortable with drop-offs, either "dropping" your own child or hosting a child who has been "dropped" then you don't have to partake. Some children are pretty comfortable spending time outside the family unit. If they are involved in extra-curricular activities, play groups, school, sports etc. I think they get used to it fairly soon. I don't think it's abnormal or anything - just like I don't think it's abnormal to keep the family unit together if that's what you prefer.
Birthday parties - I think for many parents hosting a birthday party involves some stress. If every guest also brings along a couple of siblings and a parent or 2, then that multiplies the planning for games and activities, food, loot bag purchases etc. exponentially. It also escalates the costs quite a bit. Personally, I never minded if a parent wanted to hang around, but I really resented if they also wanted to be entertained while I was trying to keep the party guests organized and fed and happy. I've had a few "challenging" family members of actual party guests who drove me a little crazy. If the party is for an 8 y.o. who wanted to play a pick-up game of baseball as the main party activity, I didn't really plan on keeping a 3 y.o. and a 5 y.o. happy while I thought I would be free to get all the food ready while the boys played their game. I certainly didn't think I would be filling cups of tea for the mom at the same time either. If the moms who stuck around tried to "help", it was usually worse because they just got in the way. Seriously, if I want to visit and talk to other moms, I'll pick a time when I'm not busy with birthday party duties, and I can relax and enjoy the company too.
Birthday parties - I think for many parents hosting a birthday party involves some stress. If every guest also brings along a couple of siblings and a parent or 2, then that multiplies the planning for games and activities, food, loot bag purchases etc. exponentially. It also escalates the costs quite a bit. Personally, I never minded if a parent wanted to hang around, but I really resented if they also wanted to be entertained while I was trying to keep the party guests organized and fed and happy. I've had a few "challenging" family members of actual party guests who drove me a little crazy. If the party is for an 8 y.o. who wanted to play a pick-up game of baseball as the main party activity, I didn't really plan on keeping a 3 y.o. and a 5 y.o. happy while I thought I would be free to get all the food ready while the boys played their game. I certainly didn't think I would be filling cups of tea for the mom at the same time either. If the moms who stuck around tried to "help", it was usually worse because they just got in the way. Seriously, if I want to visit and talk to other moms, I'll pick a time when I'm not busy with birthday party duties, and I can relax and enjoy the company too.
