Is this also a Homeschooling reality? (the drop off play date)

[Phoebe]

I posted a similar question in ages and stages without the hs angle. I'm hoping I can get a hsing perspective here.
In a nut shell, my 6 year old has been invited on a playdate (kid in his kinder class, we will hopefully hs next year) that is a drop off thing at said kids house. It's just aroung the corner and although I don't know the family well they seem nice. It's just that after my sons bday party recently (every child was dropped off, I was a little shocked by that) I am realizing that this drop off playtime thing seems to be the norm. I'm used to play dates where all of my children are included and there are various ages. I'm not feeling good about splitting up the pack just yet. The serious differentiation of friends, so-and-so is ds1s buddy and ds2 has his own buddies. Don't get me wrong. I realize that people tend to pair off naturally. There is just something about this new territory of the drop off that makes me uneasy.
For me it's all about not wanting to split up my little cohesive pack. And I am not ready to be that uninvolved on a regular basis.

My question: is this also the norm for homeschooling families? Or does the pack usually travel and stay together?

Thanks for reading my babble!

[Fruitful4Him]

We tend to do things as a family but my oldest is only 11. Many of my friends have multiple children, multiple ages... I suppose your milage may vary but among the HSers I know, it is usually family oriented.

[Breathless Wonder]

I think it depends on the people in your area.

Where I live now, and where I lived previously, we have tended to socialize as a family.

However, I know that in both places, there has been a solid core of people in the group that preferred to segregate the children by ages. Sometimes it was a wonderful break to drop my oldest off, and go do something else. It is nice occasionally, when the kids are ready for it!

[tanyalynn]

My kids are 6 and 4, so I'm not sure how things may change as they get older. To date, the only things that 6yo DD has done that 4yo DS hasn't are one birthday party that was a tea party theme and a couple overnight stays with one of DD's closest friends. At least half the people we socialize with are HSers, maybe more than half. In our group, doing stuff as a family, with all the kids in the family, is the norm, at least so far.

[mary3mama]

Pack mentality here.

My eldest, soon to be 11, is just getting the the place where he's ok taking karate classes while I am outside or nearby with the two younger children. But when he wants to, I'll have no problem dropping him off to play at a friend's house.

But for my younger two, aged almost 7 and 3...not yet.

[chfriend]

My 9 year old likes being dropped off once she knows she's comfortable. It's just this year that this starting being okay with her.

My 5 year old anticipates being comfortable with it when she turns 9.

Our favorite playdates are definitely the family ones though!!

[jlpumkin]

In general we are one solid team. However sometimes it's nice for drop off as well. And honestly most of the time it's other children being dropped off here. My little people are happy to have a playmate & I don't have to entertain another mom ~ not that I have a problem with that. It's just nice to get sometime to do what I want while my littles are happy.

Forgot to add that w/ hsing I feel less need to huddle our pack since we are literally together 24/7. You may find that separation won't feel as negative.

[umbrella]

Both. We have some family playdates, and some drop off ones (either here or there). They're all good in different ways. Drop-offs can be handy for getting things done, as long as all kids are included. There are certain sets of siblings that can be dropped off here, and my kids are so distracted with playing, that it's a great chance to catch up on housework. There's are some cases where just one kid really hits it off with just one other kid, and not all siblings are included. That's more of a pain, but I think we need to allow for that sometimes too. And then of course, playdates with parents included are fun

[CrazyCatLady]

Here most people do the drop off thing starting pretty young (and it was that way when I was a kid here too). Which I understand and have no problems with personally (I don't always feel up to entertaining someones whole family when the kid would be fine on their own).

The homeschooling families that I'm the closest with all have only one kid. So for us the parent usually stays and hangs out while the kids play. But the bigger families in our group seem to just take turns dropping the kids off at each others homes. I also see a lot of families take turns bringing a group of kids to our weekly park days and such. Lots of carpooling happens.

Zayla is almost six, and it's getting to the point where she will start going to her friend's houses alone. She knows the parents, she loves her friends, she just doesn't need me there anymore and I'm fine with that. It'll be nice to not always have to socialize for hours at a time just so she can play. And the break might be nice for me.

I understand though that all families got to do what feels right to them.

[accidental_hs'er]

We do both.

I live in a very dense urban area. We have many homeschoolers at our disposal but have to drive to them. Those playdates are multi-aged with the moms having tea together. I don't have the drop off planned playdates here. I have the *knock, knock, knock* on the door and can [kid] come out to play or come over to my house? I am perfectly content with this. They don't have to spend 100% of their time together. They are allowed different interests and different friends.

My dks are 4 and 7. A boy and a girl. I don't really understand the tribe mentality, to be honest. I feel like we are all equally connected and honestly, the break from having to socialize every time the kids do is nice. I have couple friends with dh and girlfriends I see outside of the hubby and kids. I feel like we have so much time together that I can't begrudge them a few hours with playmates of their choosing. It hasn't changed how my dks interact with each other and they still play well with the various homeschooled kids.

Michelle

[AAK]

Personally, I love drop off play dates. Especially now as a homeschooler. The kids are with me all the time, I think it gives them a sense of independence to go to their friends house without mom (and everyone else). On the reverse, I love it when my child has a friend over to play. On that end, we don't exclude siblings in the play and everyone has a blast. Also, I get a chance to get a few things done or a chance to read and have a glass of tea uninterrupted.

Now, don't get me wrong, we have plenty of playdates with the whole family too. But, I am less inclined to invite the kids when I have to have the mom too. Sometimes, I don't want to be entertaining another adult, sometimes we don't have a ton in common either.

I would not drop off if I didn't feel comfortable with the family. Also, first playdates are usually shorter until we see how well it works for everyone.

amy

[Marimami]

DD is almost 6 and pretty much all get togethers include her and DH during the week. Luckily we've found an awesome community over the years that has welcomed a SAHD, but we also ran into some very weird people over the years who couldn't accept a SAHD. Luckily, we didn't have much in common with those folks anyway.

But, I do suspect that sometimes she isn't invited to play dates as often because she has a SAHD...not in a mean way or perhaps even consciously...just that the other moms in our circle are all great friends, and DH is a great guy, but he's still a guy, and he's introverted. It's been huge for him to put himself out there for DD. But, it's just a totally different thing for him. Everyone is gracious and friendly and warm when he's there, but I sometimes still feel like we're not really quite in the inner circle.

It's hard for me too because I'm pretty much the only mom who doesn't see the others regularly. So, I too feel like we're not really in the inner circle, and I'm far more sensitive about it for my sake and for DD's sake. But, when there is a weekend birthday party, we all go, and I personally will be disappointed when these become drop-off parties because it's social for me too!

Anyway, right now DD does have 1 friend with whom we drop off here/there, but she's in school now so we don't see her as much. Her parents are DD's horseback riding instructors which is why she feels comfortable being left at the barn/house with them. They just live about a mile away.

Holli

[2xy]

Well, our family is different than most homeschool families in the way that I was a full-time WOH parent when my kids were born. Moreover, I was in the military. Their dad was, too (and still is). My children spent a lot of time with their daycare providers....luckily, both of the home daycares we used were completely awesome and treated my boys like family members.

I got out of the service when DS1 was almost 5yo and DS2 was a little over a year. I still worked full-time for another 18 months, then dropped down to very part time for a year (and DS2 came to work with me). We pulled DS1 out of school when he was 8yo, but I've still worked part-time for all but 1.5 of the past ten years.

Anyway, my point is that my kids have always been used to being away from the pack. DS1 is not nearly as social as DS2, and DS2 has always gone to do stuff more with other kids in the neighborhood and such. That being said, DS1 is 18 now, and still does lots of things with us. That will lessen if and when the boy ever finds a job (not easy in this economy), but he still likes attending park days and such.

Drop-off playdates rarely happened for us, mostly because my children tend to befriend the kids of the people I befriend. So....if the kids are hanging out, chances are that me and the other parents are also hanging out. Yes, I've seen natural pairings off within larger groups, but I think it's safe to say that my boys are both friends with everyone. My DS2's BFF still considers DS1 to be a friend....they like each other and have fun when they're together, but they don't seek out one another's company.

[Fairy4tmama]

Originally Posted by umbrella

Both. We have some family playdates, and some drop off ones (either here or there). They're all good in different ways. Drop-offs can be handy for getting things done, as long as all kids are included. There are certain sets of siblings that can be dropped off here, and my kids are so distracted with playing, that it's a great chance to catch up on housework. There's are some cases where just one kid really hits it off with just one other kid, and not all siblings are included. That's more of a pain, but I think we need to allow for that sometimes too. And then of course, playdates with parents included are fun

This

[Phoebe]

Thanks for sharing all of your perspectives!
I really don't have a huge problem with the drop off. Especially this one, we can walk around the corner to his house. IT's the across town drop off that doesn't sound great. I have come away with the realization that another benefit of homeschooling is that the drop offs don't have to feel like that much more time my child has to be away from family. With all day school and frequent drop off dates, it could easily turn into all friends all the time.

Thanks again for sharing!

[NaturalMamma]

I was shocked when I first discovered the "drop off mentality". I invited a mom and DD over for a playdate and the mom dropped off the girl and split with her 2 other children. She had errands to run. I thought, "I'm not a daycare." I had fully expected that we would all be together.

I also experienced something similar when DD had a birthday party. Some moms hung around (the ones I know to be more family-oriented), but others left to do errands.

I don't think it has anything to do with the HSing culture. I'm an "older" mom and I can tell you that there wasn't even such a thing as "playdates" when I was growing up.
The "dropping off" idea is a sign of the times, IMO.

Honestly, I believe there are 2 things in play here: families are over-stretching themselves and so they don't have time to hang out as a family. So they need to use the time to run errands, run the other kids to soccer practice, etc. The other thing is that many moms are looking for "me" time. Sadly, I am seeing this widespread in the HSing community as moms use all sorts of avenues to carve out extra time for themselves (dropping off kids to supplementary classes, co-ops, summer camps, etc.)

[lach]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

I don't think it has anything to do with the HSing culture. I'm an "older" mom and I can tell you that there wasn't even such a thing as "playdates" when I was growing up.
The "dropping off" idea is a sign of the times, IMO.

I think the opposite, actually. I can't even imagine my mother coming with me when I went to someone else's house to play as a kid. We didn't call them playdates, but I definitely went over to my friends' houses to play with them for an afternoon. She'd use that time to run errands or do something with my sister and make dinner.

[NaturalMamma]

Originally Posted by lach

I think the opposite, actually. I can't even imagine my mother coming with me when I went to someone else's house to play as a kid. We didn't call them playdates, but I definitely went over to my friends' houses to play with them for an afternoon. She'd use that time to run errands or do something with my sister and make dinner.

Perhaps there is a generational/geographical gap between us. When I was growing up, we played with friends in our neighborhood. If we wanted to go in someone's house, we'd ask mom. There was no "dropping off" b/c there was no driving. It was someone right down the street and the moms all knew each other. Otherwise we were all just hanging around outside or in the woods/fields, etc.

So for me, it's a very odd concept for someone to drive over to my house to drop off their child and leave.

[mommy2maya]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

Sadly, I am seeing this widespread in the HSing community as moms use all sorts of avenues to carve out extra time for themselves (dropping off kids to supplementary classes, co-ops, summer camps, etc.)

Why is that SAD??? Why is it BAD to want individual time? If it's not for you, fine, but to denigrate others for choosing to have individual time, well, that's another story. Most people believe it is a GOOD thing for all, parents and children, to foster independence.

[NaturalMamma]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

Why is that SAD??? Why is it BAD to want individual time? If it's not for you, fine, but to denigrate others for choosing to have individual time, well, that's another story. Most people believe it is a GOOD thing for all, parents and children, to foster independence.

What I am seeing is overscheduled kids and over-busy parents. Just my opinion, though. But I do know that when I talk to veteran homeschoolers, they comment on things such as this too. HSing isn't as "pure and independent" as it used to be.