Is this also a Homeschooling reality? (the drop off play date) - Page 2

[lach]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

Perhaps there is a generational/geographical gap between us. When I was growing up, we played with friends in our neighborhood. If we wanted to go in someone's house, we'd ask mom. There was no "dropping off" b/c there was no driving. It was someone right down the street and the moms all knew each other. Otherwise we were all just hanging around outside or in the woods/fields, etc.

So for me, it's a very odd concept for someone to drive over to my house to drop off their child and leave.

That was not the norm where I grew up. I would imagine there are geographical issues at play.

I'm also pretty horrified that you think a mother who wants some "me time" is somehow bad or defective. I'm sure you didn't mean that as horribly offensive and ridiculous as it came out. Particularly since you completely contradict yourself, saying that as a child you and all the kids ran around the neighborhood (presumably leaving your mothers alone), while implying that a mother who is separated from her child nowadays for so much as a boy scout meeting may as well be ditching her kid to run off to Borneo to find herself. Surveys show that parents, even parents who work full time jobs, spend more time with their kids than ever before.

[lach]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

What I am seeing is overscheduled kids and over-busy parents. Just my opinion, though. But I do know that when I talk to veteran homeschoolers, they comment on things such as this too. HSing isn't as "pure and independent" as it used to be.

That's a good thing, IMO. When I was homeschooled, I didn't know a single other homeschooled child. There were no coops, there were no classes designed for homeschooled children. If there were any curricula back then, I would imagine they were very religious. My mother had no support except for a few library books from the 1960s she found, and I lost many of my friends because they thought I had turned defective by being pulled out of school.

I find this thread very interesting. Usually homeschoolers are very eager to prove how much their kids get out, how independent they are, how many activities they do, how their kids social lives are normal and how many friends they have. This thread is showing a rather different trend, and one that I think is far more in line with the stereotype of homeschooling. Personally, though my children are young, I certainly hope that they have independent friendships and interests and activities.

[kittie313]

I don't care for drop-off stuff as a general rule. We did a drop-off co-op survival skills class for my oldest two girls this spring, and yes it was nice to get them out once a week, but I didn't really care for dropping them off with a person I don't really know that well for 3 hours once a week. The girls had fun with it, and I got a lot of stuff done while they were at co-op because I only had the toddlers to take for shopping and library trips and such, but honestly its not my taste. I personally PREFER playdates and activities where the parents and younger siblings all stay. Then the kids do their thing while the toddlers play and hey all the moms get to socialize too. Now THAT is my idea of a playdate. I have a hsing friend who hosts a monthly playdate with 5 other families (mine included), we all meet at her home and each family brings snacks to share. The kids all do some kind of activities or games (and this is a lot of kids, I'm talking like 40 kids, I have the smallest family of the bunch of us) and the moms all sit together and talk about stuff. We've discussed schooling issues that we come across (like my oldest dd and her math struggle recently), parenting stuff like sleeping through the night, pregnancy complaints, how we wish our dh'es would help out more with this or that, planning field trips and stuff, all kinds of things. The same friend also hosts a monthly book club for us all, we read the book out loud to our children during the month between those meetings and then we get together monthly and do an activity based on the book we'd been reading and then we get our new book assignment to read (and then the kids go off and play while the moms talk more LOL)

I don't know, that's how we ususally do playdates around here. They are great for the kids because they get to play with a huge variety of kids (in our group's case its kids from newborn to 12yo) and the moms get that outlet that they need socially.

But I have done drop-off playdates before, I just don't particularly care for them. And I also tend to limit myself to just the ones that I can drop ALL the kids off at so that I can go to the doctor or something important like that. Our favorite sitter is my hsing friend with her 5 1/2 kids (#6 is supposed to make its appearance in about 5 months or so) because she always does a drop-off playdate with her sister's hs'ed kids too when I need someone to watch my kids (how she watches 17 kids while pregnant like that is beyond me, she has the patience of a saint LOL)

[ocelotmom]

Originally Posted by lach

I think the opposite, actually. I can't even imagine my mother coming with me when I went to someone else's house to play as a kid. We didn't call them playdates, but I definitely went over to my friends' houses to play with them for an afternoon. She'd use that time to run errands or do something with my sister and make dinner.

This is how it was when I was a kid, too. We just ran around to eachothers' houses, and the moms only came along (beyond providing transportation if necessary, which it often wasn't in my small town) if they wanted to socialize themselves. In fact, the only times I can really remember having my parents along was when they took us to their friends' houses, who might happen to have kids who we got along with, but not necessarily close friends.

Because we traded off who went where, it wasn't any particular extra burden on any one mom.

At the moment, we do tend to do everyone-together playdates, and I do think that this is partially the byproduct of homeschooling - our kids are used to playing in mixed-age groups, and the moms know eachother well and have things in common, so it's a matter of both siblings going and seeing their mutual friends, while the mom-friends also hang out. It's convenient, and everyone has fun. This dynamic seems less likely to develop between kids who meet in public school.

However, I really don't understand the idea that being comfortable with not being around all ones' children 24/7 throughout their entire childhood is a bad thing. I'm not regularly schlepping my kids off to other's houses or classes with the goal of getting "me time", but when it happens, I appreciate it!

[CrazyCatLady]

I think the opposite, actually. I can't even imagine my mother coming with me when I went to someone else's house to play as a kid. We didn't call them playdates, but I definitely went over to my friends' houses to play with them for an afternoon. She'd use that time to run errands or do something with my sister and make dinner.

I agree

When I was a kid the parents would rotate dropping the kids off at each others houses when kids were as young as late toddler/early preschool age. We were all doing sleep overs at each others houses by kindergarten. Parents stopped staying for birthday parties around kindy/first grade. Parents don't seem to be quite that carefree around here anymore, most people seem a bit more protective then they used to be. But nothing as protective as I'm reading about on here

I'm 26 and in SoCal (where I grew up). Funny how different it can be everywhere else.

[jlpumkin]

I'm not certain that travelling as a herd has to do with protectiveness. For us it has to do with family bonds. One of the blessings that we received from hsing is that my children actually enjoy each other now! They really are best friends. We all enjoy it.

Also I'd like to agree that growing up my mother did not plan playdates either. We roamed the neighborhood without adult supervision. There were some wonderful lessons that I rec'd because of that (and many not so wonderful).. It would be great if we all lived in neighborhoods w/ multiple nice families available for socialization. We actually have 2 great families within walking distance (that's right a whole 2!) with children in age range that mine will walk over and knock... and on the rare occasion that we aren't at ballet, or baseball or them at school, soccer... insert additional class here... and about 2x per month that works out. I just don't think that's a healthy social life.. so I provide more.

As far as being "pure and independent" I would really hate for hsing to spiral into another motherhood **spitting** contest over who is more in the trenches.

[Phoebe]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

I was shocked when I first discovered the "drop off mentality". I invited a mom and DD over for a playdate and the mom dropped off the girl and split with her 2 other children. She had errands to run. I thought, "I'm not a daycare." I had fully expected that we would all be together.

This was my feeling at ds' bday party as well.

QUOTE=NaturalMamma;15448184]I can tell you that there wasn't even such a thing as "playdates" when I was growing up. The "dropping off" idea is a sign of the times, IMO.[/QUOTE]

Yup, we didn't do playdates either but I remember being dropped off for parties when I was older (8 and older maybe).

I appreciate your honesty.

[kewb]

Originally Posted by lach

I think the opposite, actually. I can't even imagine my mother coming with me when I went to someone else's house to play as a kid. We didn't call them playdates, but I definitely went over to my friends' houses to play with them for an afternoon. She'd use that time to run errands or do something with my sister and make dinner.

This is my childhood experience as well. My two are good friends but they also enjoy their time apart with their own peers.

[Marimami]

Originally Posted by lach

I find this thread very interesting. Usually homeschoolers are very eager to prove how much their kids get out, how independent they are, how many activities they do, how their kids social lives are normal and how many friends they have. This thread is showing a rather different trend, and one that I think is far more in line with the stereotype of homeschooling. Personally, though my children are young, I certainly hope that they have independent friendships and interests and activities.

I don't think anyone who posted saying that they got together as a family unit implied that the children do not have independent friendships, interests, or activities. Having adults there just means that the adults hang out with the adults. The adults are usually good friends as well!

My child is slow to warm up to situations and she will stick by DH initially but then she drops him and takes off with her friends. This week is a perfect example. They are attending a child + parent week-long art/music/dance camp. DD knows a lot of the kids, and she's been to this camp for another activity recently. So, she warmed up pretty quickly. DH is around if she needs him, but he is basically her photo journalist for the week. She doesn't want/need him doing activities with her (he said she flat-out ditched him as a dance partner today, opting to go with friends instead!) but she wants him taking pictures to share with me. She's almost 6, and the age range is for 2-7 year olds so she's on the older age range. It's been a wonderful experience for her!

My DD attended preschool and pre-K and since bringing her back home she has actually become more secure because we are there for her if she needs us. For us, it's just a natural extension of AP.

Sorry, but this comment just really frustrated me because it's like people think we are forcing ourselves on DD. If she wanted to be dropped off, we would do it. She doesn't, and it is socially acceptable in our group of friends, thankfully, to gather as a family. I feel fortunate to have such a great group of AP families in our homeschooling circle who understand that all kids have unique needs.

Holli

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

I was shocked when I first discovered the "drop off mentality". I invited a mom and DD over for a playdate and the mom dropped off the girl and split with her 2 other children. She had errands to run. I thought, "I'm not a daycare." I had fully expected that we would all be together.

I also experienced something similar when DD had a birthday party. Some moms hung around (the ones I know to be more family-oriented), but others left to do errands.

not *exactly* related to hs'ing, but to the drop off mentality on the whole. I was recently at my neices birthday party, at a large public park (which has open water as well as busy roads on 2 out of 4 sides of the park) and witnessed a mum come up, introduce herself to my sil and then say she was going to go and come back at 3pm if that was ok? She wasn't *really* asking, because it was quite obvious that she was going anyway...the answer was assumed.

Sorry, but if you have to introduce yourself.. should you really be leaving your kids there? I mean, it's different if it is a place where the 'carer' has a blue card (our govt working with children safety check) or something.. but a mom you have never met.. in a big park with probably 25kids and various ppl that aren't even connected to our group? If I were my SIL I would NOT have been comfortable being left with the responsibility for a child I did not even know.

So ... we don't really 'do' drop offs Later on when the kids are a little older, maybe. Relating all this to hs'ing... all of our activities require parents to be on site. My boys go off to their own classes in our co op and do their own thing.. but they know where I am if needed

[BeanyMama]

The pack stays together here. We drop ds1 (7) off for classes and the like, but are generally close by. Playdates/groups/parties are family events usually. I'm sure as they get older it will shift but for now that's what it is.

[phathui5]

A lot of the organized "playdates" we do are where we have the whole group (I have 4 kids). Mostly because I like having the time to hang out with the other mom.

That said, my older two (9 and 6) go over to play at our neighbor's houses without me and the little two all the time.

[Handsomesmomma]

We usually travel as a pack here too, but, recently started doing the occasional drop off. We have two families that we play with weekly and with all of the kids combined it is a total of 9 kids and a newborn. The noise level is insane at times My oldest son is 8 and his bff is also 8 and they enjoy their time alone together where it is quieter and not chaotic. We are trying to do the alone time more often now for the two boys along with the huge playdate as well.

Ann-Marie

[zeldamomma]

I try to give my kids time away from each other, and let them do activities that don't include their siblings regularly. My mom kept my sister and me in all the same activities growing up, and it meant that we were always treated as a unit, instead of as individuals. We are very different people, and if we'd been able to choose something just for one of us, and not the other, I think we would have both been happier. For example, my sister loved soccer, so my signed us both up for same team-- I spent all my time gathering dandelions, and my sister was treated as a less capable player because of it. Also, it exacerbated the sibling comparison/rivalry issues-- we couldn't do anything without knowing whether or not our sister was better at it. And we weren't homeschooled, so we were separate all day at school.

As a homeschooling family, my kids get lots of time together, and so I think it's even more important that they be allowed to be apart sometime too.

Re: drop-off parties. I think drop-off parties are MUCH MUCH easier to host than ones where the parents stick around and need to be entertained too. Most people I know who do drop-off playdates are happy to reciprocate, so it's not treating you like you're a daycare, it's parents helping each other out while their kids have fun.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

My son's an only child and he's 8 yo. I do some drop off play dates, but mostly with DS's friends who go to public school and we have known them for a while. The first play date is always with the parents so both us of know the other isn't an ax murderer. I love drop off play dates, I get some free time and DS is happy and safe with people we know.

Most of the time with the play dates we do with home schoolers involve the mothers or the whole family. It's great, if everyone likes each other. But, there have been times were the kids click and while the mom is perfectly nice and trustworthy, I really don't want to spend 3-4 hours talking to her. Alex and DS love each other, but his mom is the most boring human alive. I trust her with my son, but she seems pretty bored with me too.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

I try to give my kids time away from each other, and let them do activities that don't include their siblings regularly. My mom kept my sister and me in all the same activities growing up, and it meant that we were always treated as a unit, instead of as individuals.

I agree that that would suck. My guys (8 & 6) both take swimming, but in different classes. We also do weekly co op style activities and they are both in separate activities/classes there too

Funnily enough though... when classes let out and they go to the playground... they go looking for each other straight away

[pigpokey]

Mine are 5 and 6 and yes, they are often on playdates alone / without me. Sometimes I drop them off. Sometimes it is in the immediate neighborhood and they walk / bike. Sometimes we all go socialize together. Sometimes they socialize and not me. If I limited their social activities to times when the other mom and I were both free to visit, they would not get as much buddy free time.

[ebethmom]

So far, my kids have made friends with other sibling groups. When we have drop-off playdates, they go together. I'm sure it will be an issue at some point, but so far it has worked out well. My ds would be OK if his sister left for a playdate on her own, but she would be terribly upset to be left behind.

[green_momma2007]

Down here in Miami it's really unheard off, whether it be birthday parties OR playdates. If someone invites my son for a playdate, it's assumed that I am coming along.

[TwinMom]

I LOVE drop-off playdates and parties. The kids entertain each other, I get to catch up on whatever I need to do. Honestly, I think that after the age of five or six it's odd for a parent to stay. My kids would have far fewer playdates, at our house or at friends' houses, if it took up hours of time that I need to use elsewhere.