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so much to deal with...

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
I don't know anywhere else I can "talk" about this except to hubby and I'm too ashamed to do that.

We both were done with having more kids at our last baby. And now we are pregnant again even though we were taking precautions. We have both come to accept this pregnancy but I wouldn't say we are exactly to the happy about it stage yet. This pregnancy has put my body through the ringer already. I started having panic attacks quite regularly now. My thyroid is going haywire again. I can't take any of my mood stability medicines according to my doctors. And we have 4 kids already. DS 8, DD 4, DD 2, and DD 7 months. So I'm emotionally wore out. My hubby is military and is in and out until the winter holidays. All family is far away and the few friends we had are mysteriously distant all of a sudden since this pregnancy. I didn't realize I was having such a hard time except I keep getting these panic attacks for no apparent reason. I've had 4 since April. I'm almost to the point where I don't want this baby anymore. And I have always been a baby person. I loved pregnancy and babies. Anything to stop the attacks. They are horrible. Then when they are gone, I'm supposedly fine. I feel fine. And I feel aweful for even feeling so negative about this pregnancy and baby.

I'm going this weekend to get an anxiety workbook from the bookstore and some Rescue Remedy. Along with some Chamomille Tea. I will do anything to prevent them from coming back.
post #2 of 5
Mama, I know how you feel! When I was pregnant w/ my 5th my kids were 6, 5, 4, 2 yrs old. It was SO hard, dp was gone across country and we had to wait 2 months before we could come...only to have him gone all.the.time for his job (he travels A LOT) to a place where I knew not one person and had no family/friends. It was so hard and I was so stressed. That was my hardest pregnancy, I was very depressed b/c of where we moved to, etc and so off balance...life was upside down and I wasn't even the same , I felt. Top it off I had MS until near 7 months along that was very bad, not HG bad, but close.

It was a tough time and very difficult. It sounds like you are taking steps toward helping yourself, and that is wonderful and such a big step to take. Pregnancy is hard, add in that many kids and it can feel damn near impossible. I know how you feel

Do you live in an area where MDC mamas meet up? Or LLL meets? Maybe a diaper circle or yahoo crunchy group so you can branch out and meet more friends? It's hard to have no support system when you need support the most, I know that feeling all too well. I wish I lived near you! Our kids are near the same ages now...8, 6, 5, 4, 17 months. It is great to have MDC or other places online when you don't have the support IRL. We are here for you and will be the support you need!

Maybe think about telling your dh, he's the only one that can support you the way you need it right now. What do you think he'd say? Why do you feel ashamed to tell him? I know what you mean though, it is great to have female mama friends to lean on for support IRL and have to help. Just seeing my mama friends makes me feel human again and I feel like seeing them and connecting w/ them helps me emotinally SO much..and that helps me be a better mama. I am moving..again..across country in 6 days and am leaving that support behind. Trust me, I will be on here often looking for support. I think we might be able to lean on one another for sure!
post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
I can tell DH, he's supportive of me. It's just that I don't want to admit it out loud. I want to be over it already and happy about this baby. And want this baby. I really do want to want this baby. I've always wanted a big family up until my 3rd child. Then we were happy and could be fine with just those 3. But got pregnant again and was fine with that, but was really done then. Now this added. And I get that I need to get out and find mommie groups, but its such a hassle to try to time them around a baby's routine and get all the others ready to go. I know many moms do it everyday. It just really raises my blood pressure having to fight them about whatever is melting their good moods at that time. It's just them being kids. That's why its so important for me to be on my mood stablizing medicine. I can actually deal with them with the patience they deserve on days when we leave the house.

On a good note though, before dh leaves for 2 months, we are all headed to Sea World for a fun family day.
post #4 of 5
You have a lot on your plate.
post #5 of 5
I wish there was more I could say, but I didn't want to read and run. The steps you're taking to help with your panic attacks sound like a good idea. Have you tried meditation?
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