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How long does everyone usually wait to start telling people?

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
I am curious... I know there is that common 12 week mark you always hear about, but at what time do you all tell family and friends that you are expecting? I didn't tell with my first(I was young and scared, just waited until people guessed), and I told well after the first twelve weeks with my second, and only to explain why I was moving in with my DP abruptly at the time. This is my first really "stable" situation while pregnant, and I don't feel like I need to hold back like I did with my other babes. I am excited, and I want to share with the people that I know would be happy for us. But I am only a little over five weeks along... Is that jumping the gun? Also, there's alot going on in my family regarding babies... My little sister is pregnant, due in Nov. I feel like I am stomping on her territory, she was trying for her's(mine is a surprise). The sis just above me just lost a baby she really wanted(three prior abortions), and my oldest sister just had an abortion she thought she would never have(5 kids, 4 dads already and living with friends). What would you do?
post #2 of 27
We tell everyone right away, though I haven't yet announced publicly on FB or anything, I'll probably wait until 1st u/s for that. Mostly I want to make sure that my close friends and family know first and then everyone else can find out as they find out.
In your situation I would talk to each sister individually and carefully, then announce to whoever you want. Hugs to your whole family, they sure are going through a lot!
post #3 of 27
DDCC - your little sister may be grateful to have you going through it with her (and after all, she will still have hers first!) You may be surprised to find out that you being pregnant is just what SHE needs to help her get through it (especially after your other sisters loss) My DFs cousin is due with her first a couple weeks after I am due with my third and it seems to help her out a ton to come to me with the... is this normal!? sort of questions that she doesn't feel comfortable asking most people. Pregnant women seem to relate to other pregnant women better than anything else. That is the purpose of these boards after all, right? lol

The sister who lost... (so sorry to hear of the loss) that will be a tough situation to handle and will depend largely on her own personality. You would be the best to know how to approach the subject with her. My brother lost twins last year... at the same gestation as my loss (13 weeks, very hard to deal with!) However, he has handled it very well and accepted it as simply being bad timing (the mother and he broke up shortly after, despite plans to get married a month after the miscarriage happened.) Im not saying everyone will accept a miscarriage with that reasoning, that was his own and that is why I felt totally comfortable surprising him with the news along with everyone else without taking him to the side first. (Granted, my daughter sprung the news, I didn't lol)

The sister who recently terminated her pregnancy... will probably be just as happy for you as anyone would. You are in a stable situation, her situation does not seem anywhere near as stable. Of course, it again depends on her and her personality, but most women would be happy for another woman's welcomed pregnancy even if they recently had one that was less than ideal.

As for waiting, I have had a miscarriage at 13 weeks before and that was very hard. I did not wait THAT long this time to tell everyone, but rather waited until 8 weeks... after I had seen my doctor and everything looked fine. Then I told my children. That day, we had a birthday party for my son, at which my sister-in-law asked my daughter what was going to happen later this year (fully expecting her to be excited over starting school in August) and my daughter yelled out 'My mommy is going to have a baby!'

Our situation is... we were trying. Actively. But most people in both of our families believe it was an accident as we are not yet married or living together (both of which will happen next month and were planned pre-conception. This only changed the date of the wedding up a month for my own physical comfort.) My children had been wanting a baby brother or sister (sister it is!) for a very long time. Bugging me about it even. So when I finally told them neither could keep their mouths shut about it lol
post #4 of 27
with my first 2 pgs, i didn't tell anyone really until they were over (early losses). both unplanned and i couldn't handle it. with my DD i told my family immediately. i was just so excited! and i'm glad i did - my situation turned volatile in a hurry and i needed their support. with this one i tried for 2 years and frankly couldn't contain myself. we've also told DH's coworkers - in principle we would have wanted to wait 12 weeks, but he's the town librarian. the normal thing for me to do when i'm pregnant is to read every book i could get my hands on - which would have clued in all his coworkers anyway, so we just 'fessed up.

we're not "out" in public but the closest friends know.
post #5 of 27
I was facing the same dilemma...to tell or not to tell....I am only 5 weeks and decided to tell family and close friends asking them to keep it mum. I figured not telling, even if a loss occurs, would make me feel really bad. I would have to go through the pain of a loss without being able to tell anyone....Hopefully everything will be fine and I will make it public after first trimester.
post #6 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperSarah View Post
We tell everyone right away, though I haven't yet announced publicly on FB or anything. Mostly I want to make sure that my close friends and family know first and then everyone else can find out as they find out.
This is how I do it, too.
post #7 of 27
We waited a while- we're telling our families this weekend! I'm so excited. This is the first grandchild and great-grandchild on my side, so it will be extra-exciting for them!

I'll be 9 weeks, which has felt like a long while to wait to tell even our parents and siblings, but it was the first weekend we KNEW we'd see everyone on both sides in person to make the announcement. I still haven't had my first midwife appointment (scheduled at 10 weeks), and won't have an early ultrasound, so there's not been a point yet when I've felt totally "safe". Now's as good a time as any, right?

We're telling work, friends, and the Internet at 11+ weeks, if we can hold out that long.
post #8 of 27
We tell close family right away, everyone else after the 8 week appointment (once we've seen or heard the heartbeat).
post #9 of 27
I told my mother right away both times. I figured if I went through a loss, I want her there too

I think we told IL around the same time. I haven't told my sisters or brother yet because I think my mom already mentioned it

I had to tell work at 6 weeks because I had m/s so bad I was missing work. I think this time I will make a face book announcement at 12 weeks or around there
post #10 of 27
We told my parents and two close friends immediately. We weren't planning on telling anyone else, but ended up telling two more friends (we went on a hiking trip and I was just exhausted and sick, and they were very confused so we ended up letting them know.) Other than that, we're waiting until 12-14 weeks or so.

Everyone in my social circle seems to publicly announce it the second they get the positive HPT, so I know everyone will be surprised when they learn how far along I am.
post #11 of 27
We told our moms immediately after the positive test (it was mother's day, and we just couldn't not tell them - seemed cruel!). So, of course, that also meant telling both of our immediate families. We asked them to not tell too many other people just yet, but we know that they are both so excited- it's the first grandchild on either side of the family, and both of our mothers have been asking us when they might be grandmas for YEARS now (oh, but no pressure, of course ;-))

I told one of my best friends because, first of all, I had plans to meet her for a cocktail the day after the BFP, and when I ordered juice, she knew. I didn't want to tell too many people, but my partner didn't see the point in waiting, so we compromised and he told the people he works with (it's a small company, only 4 people, and they're like a family) and some other close friends, but he's ok waiting to make a big announcement to the general public/fb until we hear the heartbeat, at least.

My mom, however, absolutely cannot handle not telling people. She lives far away, but I've told her repeatedly that I would prefer she not tell too many people - after all, I'm only just 6 weeks pregnant and it's very early. But she seems to not be able to respect my decision. I'm not really upset, and I know she's just excited, but it's also kind of annoying to me. I don't really know what to do about it.
post #12 of 27
Last time, I told my mom right away. We told my dad (they're divorced) and my MIL once the bloodwork looked good (we did infertility treatments). We told the rest of the family right around the end of the first trimester/beginning of the second trimester.

This time, I told my mom right away. We're planning to tell my dad and MIL soon - thinking about looking for a "big brother" shirt so it's a bit more fun this time around. I'm not sure when we'll tell everyone else.
post #13 of 27
I never wait I tell people as soon as I know. I am just too excited like that and I can't keep something so cool inside.

If I miscarry I figure I have more support since I told people.
post #14 of 27
My DH really could probably wait until we had the baby to tell anyone. I liked to tell people close to me early on but after 3 losses it just gets a little old breaking hearts and untelling people. People who I thought would be supportive were not at all and just one more person to call with bad news.

So with this one we're the only ones that know. I've not kept any of the past a secret but it's way easier for me to tell everyone I've had a loss than the other way around.

expat_canuck - I'd probably tell your mom that if something we're to happen she'd better be prepared to call back everyone with the news. That has stopped a few people I know from mentioning it further.

Obviously I'm a tad bitter about the whole thing but to answer the original question I'm not even assuming that I will even get to tell anyone good news so I'll wait for a sticky baby before making any plans. Probably once we're out of the 1st trimester.
post #15 of 27
Told my parents on CD 28 because we were with them for a trip planned long ago anyway, and we don't see them often. I wanted to tell them in person. DH's parents still don't know because they are horrible. Work knows bc I couldn't fit into my work uniform (at 5 weeks ....) anymore and had to switch to maternity, and it is veeeeeery obviously a maternity uniform. So, no secret here.
post #16 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by annablue View Post
Everyone in my social circle seems to publicly announce it the second they get the positive HPT, so I know everyone will be surprised when they learn how far along I am.


My friends will be shocked I held out on them, and coworkers whose wives are due the same week as me announced they are expecting weeks ago, and I'm not planning on mentioning it for a couple more weeks.
post #17 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopefulJo View Post


My friends will be shocked I held out on them, and coworkers whose wives are due the same week as me announced they are expecting weeks ago, and I'm not planning on mentioning it for a couple more weeks.
I had the same thing happen with MIL, she told my DH a family friend was pregnant and she is due like 5 days before me, and I was only like 4 1/2 weeks. So we told her we were pregnant. But I was kind of shocked that her mother told my MIL already. I told MIL not to tell anyone she didn't want to call up afterward and tell I lost the baby, but sadly, I think she would thrive on that attention, so I am sure she told everyone.
post #18 of 27
I wasn't going to tell anyone for awhile but my DP was so excited! He kept coming home in the evenings and saying "I'm telling people!" So, we've told our families and closest friends. I haven't made the FB announcement either and I haven't told work.
post #19 of 27
i have told my dad, i told him because despite us not having a close relationship, we do connect well and i knew i would get a %100 great response from him! (he told me he was happy i finally figured out the instruction manual!!) and besides that and one non OB doctor that needed to know because it changed my plans.

DH and I are planning a 4 day trip this weekend that will take us thru the home towns of both of our best friends and then down to my mom, so i have been holding my news to get to share with each of them in person.
i think i may ask them to enjoy the secret themselves till 2 weeks later when i get ot se the heartbeat.

after that i think we will be more open with it with work and shop mates.

the other big one will be calling and telling my grandparents, its a big deal for me, so the only real thing that is holding me us, is wanting to think up a good way to tell them, i should really just call. maybe i will wait till i tell me mom, so they dont blab.
post #20 of 27
jessica_s - yeah, I've definitely told her that it will be her responsibility to inform any/everyone she told in case of miscarriage. It doesn't seem to slow her down at all. She keeps saying "I'm supposed to wait another 6 weeks to tell anyone?? that's so far away". But just about every time I talk to her, she apologizes for having told another person because she just couldn't help herself.

I guess I didn't even realize that it bothered me as much as it does! Hmm. I guess what is most frustrating is that it feels like a lack of respect for my decisions about my family and my baby - and it makes me anxious that she won't be willing to respect other, more important decisions in the future. But I should probably tell her that, not this thread!!
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