Not coming back from mat leave....how to leave on good terms?

[nina_yyc]

I'm thinking about quitting my job 6 months into my mat leave. Do I tell them now or closer to the date? And what should I say? This really needs to go well because I might try to start my own business or freelance and if it doesn't work out, well...they've taken almost everyone who came crawling back before.

Here are my reasons for leaving:

1. I'm not learning anything at this job, nor am I getting any prestigious projects or opportunities to challenge myself. I could probably make the other stuff work if it was a better job.
2. Having the second kid is a $700/month pay cut. Total daycare cost is $1400/month.
3. I would have to do drop-off and pickup every day, plus figure out transport to preschool. Not impossible but hardly fun.

I feel like if I tell them soon, I can use my network to try to figure out what my best option is for what I do next. It's a small industry so they'll know if I'm asking around behind their backs. I feel like I could use as much lead time as possible especially if I start my own business because I would have to buy a fancy new computer to work from home....it's hard to do that without feeling out the market first.

The easiest thing to do would be to say I'm cutting back on work for the kids and not mention not liking the job, just in case I need to go back. I would feel slightly bad doing that though if I ended up working f/t for another company. Part time is not likely to work because my DH has irregular hours, so I need work that is short-term or flex.

[GuildJenn]

Wow I had a visceral response to your post. Probably because I get tired of hearing about it on the other end (people who won't make a decision and cause issues for everyone at work, which then are applied to women who really are on mat leave in good faith and coming back, etc.).

Anyways, if you're leaving, I would tell them as early as possible so that they can either keep the person I assume they hired on a mat leave contract or do a search for a permanent person. Personally, I would say that you're looking for more flexibility and more pay due to the daycare costs.

If you're trying to hedge all your bets, you'll annoy someone. The question really then becomes is it worth it in order to have the option to come back.

[JessieBird]

I think it depends a lot on where you work and what kind of benefits (if any) you will get from your employer during mat leave (I don't mean EI) and whether you "owe" them any time after your leave in order to "pay back" the benefits.

Why do you plan to quit 6 months into your leave instead of before you go on leave? If it makes no difference to your plans, I'd advise you to quit before you go. Either the standard two weeks notice or whatever is appropriate depending on your industry and level of seniority. I'm 99% sure that quitting will not affect the maternity benefits that you will get from EI (or in my case QPIP in Quebec) because you have paid into the system, assuming you've put in the required number of hours in the last 52 weeks (or whatever it is, I'm in Quebec so I don't know the exact requirements in the rest of the country). I'm pretty sure it's not like regular EI for which you aren't eligible if you quit.

I think the benefits issue is a biggie. IMO, it would be wrong to collect benefits from your employer during your mat leave only to quit. Also, the fine print of your contract or collective agreement may state that you are required to either return to work for a certain amount of time or pay back the cost of the benefits if you don't.

To my mind, the timing you choose and the respect you show matter as much if not more than what you say. Your reasons are good and totally understandable. As far as pp's comment on annoying people by hedging your bets - I think this might be true if you appear to be sneaky about it. However, being up front might be the best option. I think most people understand that having a/another child is a huge life changing event and it's normal for parents to reconsider their options at this time. If you have a half-decent relationship with your manager, perhaps you can be somewhat open about what's going through your mind. Especially if it's common knowledge that they take back those who "come crawling back." (I know what you mean, our office is like that too. Good people are forgiven for letting their interests stray, it's human.) Perhaps there is a way to spin it so that it is mutually beneficial (possiblity of consulting or delivering some of their services on contract in a way that benefits the company's bottom line, that sort of thing).

I am in the exact same situation. I don't want to say where I work but it's a huge employer in Canada that you've for sure heard of. I've been looking into all the options for how I can quit but leave doors open and maybe some of the same factors apply to you. Feel free to PM me.

[CarrieMF]

I'm 99% sure that quitting will not affect the maternity benefits that you will get from EI (or in my case QPIP in Quebec) because you have paid into the system, assuming you've put in the required number of hours in the last 52 weeks (or whatever it is, I'm in Quebec so I don't know the exact requirements in the rest of the country). I'm pretty sure it's not like regular EI for which you aren't eligible if you quit

You need to find this out before telling them anything. If they add any extra benefits while you're on mat leave(ie, some places will pay extra on top of your EI for a few weeks) you need to find that out too.

You should also be sure, not just thinking about quitting.

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

Wow I had a visceral response to your post. Probably because I get tired of hearing about it on the other end (people who won't make a decision and cause issues for everyone at work, which then are applied to women who really are on mat leave in good faith and coming back, etc.)

Wow, I really didn't think I was 'that' person...I did say I would be coming back but the VP told me right before I left to think about it for awhile and adjust to life with two kids before making a decision. Last time I was on leave I hadn't committed and it did become an issue for the company, so the owner called me 6 months into leave to renegotiate my contract. I guess I assumed they would do the same thing again if it was really going to affect others. I take your point though, it shouldn't be 'on' them to contact me.

Originally Posted by JessieBird

I think it depends a lot on where you work and what kind of benefits (if any) you will get from your employer during mat leave (I don't mean EI) and whether you "owe" them any time after your leave in order to "pay back" the benefits.

I'm sure time is not owed. Others have been in this situation before and they didn't have to 'pay back' anything. The company does not pay a mat leave top-up. I did get wage loss insurance for the first 5 weeks under our group short term disability policy (I know, giving birth is not a disability, but I'm not giving the money back .)

Originally Posted by JessieBird

Why do you plan to quit 6 months into your leave instead of before you go on leave?

Well what's done is done (DS was born 6 months ago) and actually I had a pretty good reason. DH is an army reservist and was planning to complete his training and deploy to Afghanistan on the last tour leaving in September. A CF Private makes a lot less money than his normal job, so I would have had to make up the difference. Due to military budget cuts that happened in the last 6 months, the tour will only be 5% reservists and they're not taking anyone newly trained, so the chance of him going is nil.

I believe Alberta labor law is 6 weeks written notice if you change your mind while your on mat leave.

Originally Posted by JessieBird

If you have a half-decent relationship with your manager, perhaps you can be somewhat open about what's going through your mind.

I do. It's going to be a little awkward because I've never worked directly with the VP or my direct supervisor (he was kinda new when I left.) I've handled all my previous salary negotiations and reviews with the owner and my old manager.

[nina_yyc]

Eep, I think I need to get this show on the road. Today alone:
1. I called a preschool near our home. I had DD signed up for one near work/daycare but I don't want to drive that far if I'm not working. The AP preschool two blocks away only has 3 spaces left for September and we're touring it Monday.

2. My day home provider emailed me to see if I made up my mind. She's been getting calls and she can fill my spaces if I don't want them.

[nina_yyc]

Yay! I made a decision.

Well, after months of kicking around the idea of leaving the company and doing my own thing, I decided not to try my own business. It would be fun, but we just don't have money, time, or space for it. We did all the math and figured out all the logistics on every scenario today - fully SAH, working weekends, working weekends plus two weekdays, and working full-time M-F. What makes the most financial sense is for me to work weekends, with weekends plus two weekdays close behind. So, I phoned my direct supervisor and told him that I would not be coming back full time but I hoped to work out something with him. I told him that my ideal schedule would be to work weekends only, but that I would be willing to work Friday to Monday if it meant that I would fit better into the schedule or if I could get better work. He said he thinks he can work something out for me and he will get back to me by the end of June. We also talked about me possibly working one shift a week on an as-needed basis starting in August, which would bring in a little extra cash without affecting my parental leave benefits. I called my child care provider and told her the situation and told her to do what's best for her business, but if we do end up needing child care and she has space that she would be our first choice. I have faith that this will all work out, and if it doesn't I guess I am back to where I thought I would be -trying to figure out a business around DH's schedule.

[Happiestever]

I would tell them as soon as possible, but just keep it to the basics of family/ expense ratio. And if it hasn't already been said, make sure you don't have a clause that says you have to return to work for x amount of days or you have to pay back all your benefits. Just a FYI.

ETA: Glad you figured it all out.