6 yr old DD seems to not have feelings..!

[lunamay]

Trying to figure out dd. She is 6. She does not say 'i love you'. To me, or her father, or her siblings. She has never had her feelings hurt by someone. Never. She does not see it if a child is unfriendly, or even pushes her. Just seems confused. Not hurt at all. She went to preschool for a short time when she was 3 and unlike all the other kids there, she did not care when I arrived to pick her up. Just kept playing, every time. In other ways, she is a normal healthy girl. We have a healthy, loving AP family. no tv. She cuddles with us, talks, plays, but always wants to be with other kids. In fact, would never choose to be with family over being with any friend any time. I honestly feel hurt, which I know I need to get over, and also feel worried for her and about her. She does not ever seem to show any empathy for others, and I feel like it is because she does not ever feel hurt by things herself. She does get upset if I get upset with her about something. I have never seen her try to comfort anyone in the family or anyone ever.

Any thoughts? I don't feel loved by my dd. I don't know if she loves anyone. I worry that she is not able to form attachments properly. I don't know why this would be. Normal pregnancy, normal birth.

I would love some thoughts. Thanks.

[Maluhia]

I think with those observations I'd find a good child psychologist and make sure that you can figure out how to read/understand your DD and if she has any issues or just has a very different communication style than you.

[LynnS6]

A couple of thoughts:

The book "The 5 Love Languages of Children" might be a good read for you. It's entirely possible that words are quite meaningful to you, and not at all to her. "Nurture by Nature" might also help you understand her temperament. It's possible she's an extrovert, for example, who gets her energy from other kids.

What happens when you ask her about emotions? Is she aware of other people's emotions then? what about characters in a story. Can she figure out what they might be feeling?

Our ds needed a little extra coaching to be able to do that. He does feel things intensely, but he finds it very hard to express these things in words. I remember getting a set of pictures with kids expressing different emotions when he was 6 or so because I was worried about his ability to identify emotions. His 3 year old sister was initially better able to say what the emotion was. I did discover, however, that he could pick out the emotion. It was just matching label to expression that took more time.

Our ds is also quite an introvert. He does not say verbally that he loves me. In fact, I don't know if he's ever said it. When he was 2, he would say "I really really like you." Yet I know he loves us deeply. I just can't look to words for that. (I hope his future life partner understands this.) Ds snuggles with us. He comes to us for comfort, and he's excited to schedule things with us. At the same time, for the last year or two, he is seeking out time with friends more and more. This is, I think, a normal developmental stage.

If you don't see any behaviors with your dd that suggest she is able to identify and understand emotions, or to suggest that you are a central figure in her life, I agree that an evaluation is in order to help understand her better.