behaviors and autism

[Adamsmama]

deleted

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Adamsmama

He poops in his pants every.single.day ONLY at home for me. No matter what time I pick him up from school within 30 min he has pooped in his pants. He does not do this at school which tells me it isn't a matter of him not being able to make it to the bathroom -- he doesn't even try (although he will pee).

does he poop in the potty at school or does he just not poop at school? It seem possible to me that *if he isn't sucessfully using a toilet to poop in any context* that he doesn't have that skill. Holding it in and getting it to come out on cue are completely different skills. He may have reached the point where he can keep himself from pooping away from home, but not being able to use a toilet.

I just can't have such defiance. Is this even characteristic of autism or could he have yet another diagnosis added to this?

my DD who is on the spectrum isn't defiant, but at times her behavoir can look like she is. Her intense sensory issues and different way of processing the world make it a completely different place for her than for the rest of us, so she is sometimes compelled to do things or refuses to do things because in her mind, that is what is safe and makes sense.

To me, defiance is a socially motivated behavoir. It's about relationship and interaction. Either my DD's personality isn't bent that way or she isn't social enough, but her behavoir is seldom motivated by how it effects others.

I think that you are assuming that his behavoirs are cognitively chosen *bad* behavoirs that are about you when they may be part of his autism package.

He is doing this stuff to get at you.

My neurotypical child is defiant from time to time.

If I don't physically MAKE him play a game with us most of the time he'll just sit in a room talking to himself or staring off into space.

ummm, he has autism.

I've tried everything I know to do and nothing is working. I have recently decided to homeschool (he is the oldest and was really struggling this year in school, because of his aggressive tendencies and his need of 1-on-1 attention to get any work done).

(This is sound really negative about homeschooling. I used to homeschool my DD who is on the spectrum, and I mean it as food for thought).

Is he in an autism classroom? Does he have an aid?

If you have trouble getting him to do anything, why do you think homeschooling will help?

How will you get breaks and take care of yourself?

Is he receiving therapies through school? How much driving will you be doing to keep all those happening?

I feel like I need to get my DS1 behavior under control for the one fact that he is disrupting our life/the life of the other kids in the house.

I'm sure that things can get better than they are right now, but you cannot *fix* your autistic child by homeschooling him.

[Adamsmama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

does he poop in the potty at school or does he just not poop at school? It seem possible to me that *if he isn't sucessfully using a toilet to poop in any context* that he doesn't have that skill. Holding it in and getting it to come out on cue are completely different skills. He may have reached the point where he can keep himself from pooping away from home, but not being able to use a toilet.



my DD who is on the spectrum isn't defiant, but at times her behavoir can look like she is. Her intense sensory issues and different way of processing the world make it a completely different place for her than for the rest of us, so she is sometimes compelled to do things or refuses to do things because in her mind, that is what is safe and makes sense.

To me, defiance is a socially motivated behavoir. It's about relationship and interaction. Either my DD's personality isn't bent that way or she isn't social enough, but her behavoir is seldom motivated by how it effects others.

I think that you are assuming that his behavoirs are cognitively chosen *bad* behavoirs that are about you when they may be part of his autism package.

He is doing this stuff to get at you.

My neurotypical child is defiant from time to time.



ummm, he has autism.



(This is sound really negative about homeschooling. I used to homeschool my DD who is on the spectrum, and I mean it as food for thought).

Is he in an autism classroom? Does he have an aid?

If you have trouble getting him to do anything, why do you think homeschooling will help?

How will you get breaks and take care of yourself?

Is he receiving therapies through school? How much driving will you be doing to keep all those happening?



I'm sure that things can get better than they are right now, but you cannot *fix* your autistic child by homeschooling him.

Sorry -- I just reread my original post and it sounded horrible. Sorry about that. I'm over the top hormonal today (and yesterday) from the pregnancy. The last time I felt this bad about DS1 was when I was pg 3.5 yrs ago, so again, please don't think I'm a terrible person. I realize that I shouldn't be so down about all this.

I know I can't "fix" the autism. Believe, me, I know that. I'm homeschooling him because his teacher this year was UNBELIEVABLY negative (worse than my original post) the entire year. She didn't know how to deal with anything. Believe it or not, I was getting more progress the times I did school with him at home -- they don't push him to acheive anything, it seems. He colors on pictures and at best writes some letters. He is not in an autism class -- he is in an educable self-contained. I felt like I could create a fun warm inviting environment for him to learn in -- but the last few days I started to get resentful of the craziness of the behaviors (which I haven't felt in a long long time...so I'm assuming it is the pregnancy hormones again).

This

(This is sound really negative about homeschooling. I used to homeschool my DD who is on the spectrum, and I mean it as food for thought).

didn't make sense to me ... I'm being negative about homeschooling? I was being realistic of why we are pulling him out. There were 4 kids in his grade level that started the year in his class room (and a bunch of older special ed kids) 2 have been pulled out to be homeschooled, one more is undecided ... It has been a horrible situation. Please don't confuse my comments above with a parent that doesn't understand autism. I understand that most of his "problems" like having occasional accidents or repeating things he hears over and over, cannot be avoided, because he has autism. His teacher did not understand why he did most things. I'm just frustrated right now because I know other autistic kids, as well, and some of his behavior seems like ODD to me, and that freaks me out. He will do something he knows to be wrong (and I know him well enough to know) and then he laughs like crazy. He was evaled at school recently by someone outside the school district and their opinion is that he LOVES and CRAVES negative attention. That is a problem for me. I'm trying to be realistic in that I can't deal with that.

ummm, he has autism.

This sort of bothers me, too, because my point in saying that he just sits by himself, etc. is that I had finally broken through a lot of this (he was very "autistic" from ages 2.5-5 ... and around age 5-6 he started becoming much more social and wanting to interact ... now he is retreating again ... again, I believe this school year made him regress).

The pooping is just a complete frustration for me. He used to poop in the potty at school. This was in Kindergarten (last year) with a great ABA therapist/teacher who knew how to get through to him, even when other teachers said he shouldn't even be in that sort of classroom -- she got through to him. He was pretty good about it until this school year, when he regressed and started pooping every single day after school. My friend's little boy was recently pulled out of this class (he is also autistic) and she said he regressed in the same way and was having issues re-learning pooping on the potty. I feel trapped by some of this because as a parent I don't know how to function properly, take care of him, take care of the rest of my family and create a good environment. I'm really trying my best and sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed. I guess I'm not looking for judgmental comments but to hear from people that have been in this same spot. Trust me, I get enough judgments from people NOT living with autism every.single.day.

[PNWmama]

I didn't read your original post, but I wanted to give you a .
I'm at the very beginning of this autism journey with my son...he's 3.5 and we recently found out. Oftentimes I feel like our lives are out of control and I feel unable to meet his needs and also take care of my other child, our home, let alone myself. Just wanted to give you some support

[Kristine233]

It's quite common for kids with Autism to take a step backwards in some skills when they are mastering others. Once the new skill is mastered the other regressed one usually comes back up to par with where he was.

It also sounds like you need a better IEP and access to more services at the school. Even if he is not in an Autism classroom you should have access to special ed teachers and they should be a part of your IEP team to come up with a plan that will suit him. You do not have to go by the book and use a standard plan of action the school proposes. That's why its called an IEP, Individualized, taylor his plan to fit the accomodations that he needs and in ways that it will help him be successful in school. Since its so near the end of school you'd most likely be looking at next year. Request a teacher who has extreme patience and experience with Autistic teachers and an aide who is also patient and complements your child well. You CAN make these requests if its in the best interest of your child. My son's spec ed teacher has already started making requests for him for next year (4th graders transfer to a different school) and we are getting ready to have a transition meeting to make sure it goes smoothly.

[Linda on the move]

Sorry -- there really weren't any judgements behind anything I said. I have a child with autism.

I think that some of your expectations are a little unrealistic, but I don't know how to have peace with realism. The impact that all this has on my typical child breaks my heart sometimes. I'm tired from years of raising a child who isn't growing up in some basic ways. Our family life isn't really normal and it can't be, and sometimes that just hits me.

And my DD's development has been far from a straight line. Most kids regress a little in one area when they progress in another, but for her the differences are stark, and regression in a skill that she is already behind in is heartbreaking.

And I'm the one who's negative about homeschooling a child with autism. I'd recommend advocating for a better placement, even an out of district placement. It sounds like the problem isn't with the school (because last year was good) but with the particular placement he is in. I'd document everything bullet point by bullet point, and consider hiring an educational advocate if necessary.

[Adamsmama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

Sorry -- there really weren't any judgements behind anything I said. I have a child with autism.

I think that some of your expectations are a little unrealistic, but I don't know how to have peace with realism. The impact that all this has on my typical child breaks my heart sometimes. I'm tired from years of raising a child who isn't growing up in some basic ways. Our family life isn't really normal and it can't be, and sometimes that just hits me.

And my DD's development has been far from a straight line. Most kids regress a little in one area when they progress in another, but for her the differences are stark, and regression in a skill that she is already behind in is heartbreaking.

And I'm the one who's negative about homeschooling a child with autism. I'd recommend advocating for a better placement, even an out of district placement. It sounds like the problem isn't with the school (because last year was good) but with the particular placement he is in. I'd document everything bullet point by bullet point, and consider hiring an educational advocate if necessary.

Thanks for clarifying this. The problem with the school is this ... last year was an exception to the norm in this district. I have several close friends with young kids with autism. One is chosing to move outside of our district, 2 have chosen homeschooling, several more are debating what to do (go to a private, charter, public school). This school district is terrible for special needs.

Our son is receiving several therapies both private and through the school (OT, Speech, PT, ABA). I've been pleased with most of the therapist -- just not the teacher he has this year. She was never trained in autism.

Thanks to everyone for the support. I'm really sensitive today.

[Linda on the move]

I'm sorry.