screaming in carseat

[lilmamabrown]

My dd2 is 13 wks (3 mos) old. We are out and about pretty often and she usually does really well in her carseat. She cries but when the car moves again she's fine. She used to mostly sleep but lately she is learning how to play with her toys so she's been doing that.

The last several days she SCREAMS bloody murder after a few minutes on the road. She doesn't cry often and its a terrible cry like someone is hurting her. She doesn't stop and even sitting in the backseat I can't calm her down.

When its just me I pull over somewhere and calm her down, nurse or whatever and then try to keep going. When its my husband driving he says not to take her out bc she's just going to learn to cry to get out. We didn't stop the other night bc it was *only* 10 minutes to home and she didn't stop screaming and choking and flailing... but I ended up out of breath, knot in my stomach, and starting to cry. She had a full belly by the way (I had just finished nursing), she just seemed really tired.

So what would you do in this situation.... would you pull over and calm her down and then try again? Or do you think that we should just keep going and try to comfort her while leaving her strapped in so she doesn't learn she can get out?

My husband HATES being late to anything. I think she's too young to cry that hard for that long... to me she doesn't understand why we won't hold her and it just keeps escalating. But is it wrong to take her out of that situation or is it going to be a bigger problem later if I do?

[karika]

that must have been hard on you to have to hear her in such pain. CIO in a carseat is damaging to the brain IMO. Absolutely I would stop and comfort. If baby does not like riding in the car anymore, I would stop doing it. They can't see you because they are rear facing, they can't feel you or touch you or smell you. It must be very difficult for the baby. Add to that the inertia enacted on the body when travelling in such an unnatural way and it is no wonder they cry... dd1 did not like to be in the car much as far as I remember. Although we did drive to southern CA when she was 6 mo. But I rode in the backseat the whole way. When I would try to go grocery shopping with her other times, she would cry. I even had a mirror to see her with. I would stop and breastfeed, potty her (we did EC from birth with both). strap her back in, and drive until she was upset again, like a mile or 2. I stopped grocery shopping. hubby did it on his way home from work instead. I don't know how to deal with an unsupportive dh... maybe show him the evidence on how cortisol is damaging to the baby's brain (the chemical released when a baby is crying). babies are too young to associate anything with anything else either. She will not learn to manipulate that young. All they know is the soft pillow thingies are gone and they can't smell mommy so they feel they are in danger and are trying to alert their bigger humans that care for them (parents), exactly as they should. I suggest manipulating your hubby to the attachment parenting way of thinking... I hope someone else has some links, but if not I will find some...

[rhiOrion]

i don't pull over for short trips- it just prolongs the trip. And not driving just isn't really an option for me personally. On longer trips I sit in the backseat with her, and we generally don't pull over unless I think she's hungry or wet. She knows I'm with her, and we have to get where we're going, so again, stopping would just prolong the time she spends in the car.

i do try my best to limit us to one outing per day. i think i've only had maybe one or two days where i made more than one or two stops.

[jillmamma]

Do you have her in a baby "bucket" carrier type carseat or a convertible one? I have heard some people report that their kids like the convertible type (rear facing of course) better. Might be worth a try.

[belltree]

Oh, I feel for you. I was in tears when I couldn't comfort my little one and I had to take him with me. I was sitting in the back and comforting him. Weeks 12-20 were the hardest, but we still get those tearful rides once in a while. One of us is riding in the back to comfort and distract if need be.

We can not not drive. Not everyone has this luxury.

One thing that helped us though was limiting the trips and scheduling them around naps.

[mamadelbosque]

I don't stop when we're going somewhere just because one of the boys is crying. If I did we'd never make it *ANYWHERE*. When you only have one, its easy to say 'oh, just stop, who cares if you get there ontime!' or "just don't go anywhere. just stay home!", but with two, you have tot ake the other ones well being into account too. And for us to do that, we goto playgroup and go see friends, and goto parks, etc. So, we just drive through it.

I will say that ds2 is a *FAR* better car rider than ds1 was. DS1 cried everytime he was in the carseat from day 1 untill the day we finally turned him around at 15 months old (and yes, I know that 'wasn't safe', but we were desperate - fwiw we did turn him back around rf last summer ~27/28 months and he's been happy that way ever since...), when it finally more-or-less ceased. Some babies do better in convertibles vs buckets (DS1 did slightly better and ds2 is definetly a bit happier than he was in his bucket, though overall he's always been a great car rider comparitvely speaking anyhow!!).

Anyhow. IMO/IME it really doesn't help to stop - it just prolongs the car ride, and thus, overall the crying. Yes, temporarily their happier, but the moment you put them back in, its back to screaming, and then you have to calm them back down 5 minutes later when you stop, rinse and repeat... so it just takes 10x longer to get anywhere, and it actually involves even more tears. Or at least, that was my/our experience! So, we generally never did stop when they cried.

Good luck!!

[KWenn]

If it's a longer trip and baby is super upset, I stop. But if it's short and baby is upset but not screaming, I keep driving to get home as soon as possible.

DD HATED the carseat until she was almost a year. She would cry from the moment you put her in and until you took her out. We finally got her a convertible carseat when she was 10 months and she did slightly better in that. When DS started crying in the carseat at 2 weeks, I started researching a convertible for him. We switched him from the bucket seat about 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks old and he is doing much better. Only cries half the time.

Also, finding some static on the radio and turning it up loud enough for him to hear over his crying sometimes helps. He fell asleep to it once. Before that, just cracking the window a bit was enough to calm him as well but no longer works. Like DD, my sitting in the back with him does not calm him. I really think the bucket seat was uncomfortable for him. I hope things get better for you sooner than later. It is so stressful having your baby cry in the car. Right now I've cut down on going places, but not everyone can do that, I know.

[Knitting Mama]

Bucket vs. convertible didn't help for my Cecilia, now 7 weeks. She just plain hates the carseat. Apparently it's very common for a) young babies, b) gassy babies and c) babies who don't like to be put down at all. Cecilia is all three.

I will stop and nurse her when it's a long trip, but with short trips I don't want to prolong the journey! Static, music and open windows ocassionally help, but they're a complete crapshoot.

[bandgeek]

You can switch to a convertible. Sometimes that helps, especially if the baby has any reflux, a more upright angle can work wonders.

Ride in the back with her when you can. Personally I think it's reasonable to pull over when you are driving alone and she is TRULY distressed (and not just fussing). It's stressful to hear the baby cry and if a 5 minute break is what she needs, then do it. She will most likely outgrow the car screaming soon. Most kids do after just a few months. When you ride with your DH, just sit in the back to help comfort her. Even if she cries, at least you can see her and touch her and comfort her.

Give her soft toys to play with. Soft books, soft animals, a soft ball. You can put up a soft (flexible) mirror, so you can see her and also, it will help entertain her.

Play soothing music or even bouncy, fun kid music. Sing to her and talk to her.

Make sure nothing in the car seat is poking her. Take off the cover and double check. You never know.

Make sure there's not too much sun in her eyes. If you are driving in the dark, she might be scared if she can't see much. A very, very dim light could help.

And don't worry, it'll get better.

[akind1]

I normally ride in the front seat. DS is only upset after dark in the carseat, doesn't matter if it is convertible or bucket, though he sleeps easier and better in the convertible. (the convertible is in my car, the bucket in DH's) Nursing before doesn't help either, really.

sometimes DS cries as soon as I put him in, if so, I try to cheer him up (play "boo" with him, tickle him a bit, whatever) if I can calm him down then I sit in the front with DH and usually DS will be ok. If the calming doesn't work, I ride in back, letting him gnaw on my finger or knuckle. he doesn't want to suck right now, he wants to chew. (no teeth yet, thank goodness). when he was wanting to suck, a paci worked.

also helpful, and I don't think your LO is too young, teething tablets. they have chamomile and belladonna in them, which are calming herbs anyway, I used to give DS (I need to start doing it again) these at the start of a car ride, or right before. They did help! he would whimper a little, but not that heartbreaking screaming.

In a way your DH is right, your LO needs to learn that car rides and car seats are just something that happen. However I think you riding in the back seat, or even in the front talking to your LO is much like letting a babe cry in arms. They know you are there and love them, but right now, you can't meet their need (or don't know what it is!)

GL and HTH!

[boobs4milk]

millie has gotten a tiny bit better since we installed the crib mirror (didn't have a crib lol) on the back of the seat so that we can adjust the rear-view mirror and see each other. i'm going to try her in the convertible today and see if that helps, because it did with dd3. i agree with the gassy/fussy/high-need baby and not liking the seat at all. all 3 of my hnb's didn't enjoy the car; the other 2 would be asleep before you latched the belts!

[boigrrrlwonder]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

I don't stop when we're going somewhere just because one of the boys is crying. If I did we'd never make it *ANYWHERE*. When you only have one, its easy to say 'oh, just stop, who cares if you get there ontime!' or "just don't go anywhere. just stay home!", but with two, you have tot ake the other ones well being into account too. And for us to do that, we goto playgroup and go see friends, and goto parks, etc. So, we just drive through it.

I don't think this is a one to two kid thing as much as a values thing. I've stopped taking my three year old to playgroups, because I don't want the baby to scream in the car. Now, we do have some car screaming for things that I feel have to be done (doctor's visits, etc...), but I try to schedule everything around naps or when both parents can be in the car.

For us, a convertible car seat did help, though not totally resolve, the problem.

[rhiOrion]

I suppose that it is *technically* a values thing, in the strictest meaning of the word.

However...

I think it's better for her to scream occasionally in the carseat than to have a mom who can't function.

And if I sat at home day after day with my dd screaming in my face all day and night, I think I'd be well into PPD land by now.

I say a mother who can function and who doesn't have PPD is worth a few screaming carseat trips. Especially since she seems to like going out once we get there, and gets more sleep than she would if we were at home.

[jenfl]

We give DS a pacifier in the car only.

For the first few weeks, he wouldn't take one and we started limiting our car trips because of the screaming. It made all of us miserable and I feel it wasn't fair to my 3 year old.

Finally we found a pacifier he would take, and that has improved things tremendously. He doesn't get one all the time -- just when he's about to start ramping up toward screaming. He's actually made a 40-minute trip -- AWAKE! -- thanks to the pacifier.

[waiting2bemommy]

With ds I pretty much pulled over any time he cried in the car, and comforted him until he was ok, or fell asleep, or something. But that was int he earlymonths, when he was still accepting of a pacifier, or music or something else to calm him down. With dd, nothing stops her once she gets started. I have tried all my "tricks" and beleive me, if she's pissed, she's pissed. So if it is a short trip (like ten minutes or so) I generally just let her cry. I will talk soothingly to her, or sing, but honestly that just makes ds start singing too, and then the noise level becomes insane, so pretty much she just cries for those few minutes.

however if we have to go somewhere far, or during rush hour traffic, I try to give myself plenty of time to get ready, so that I have time to nurse, thoroughly burp her, and rock her to sleep before we go. And then as soon as she's asleep, we leave, even if we are super early and end up sitting in a waiting room or an extra half an hour.

I'm sorry, but dd is one person in a family of four. Her dislike of the carseat (and I understand that she might be scared, or uncomfortable, or carsick) cannot trump everyone else's needs or wants all the time. I'm not going to make her 2 year old brother hostage in in his own house and refuse to take him on outings because dd doesn't like it. likewise, I'm not going to take ds to the zoo an hour away and let her scream the entire ride just because ds is in a hurry to get there and doesn't want to stop and comfort her. we are a family, no one gets their way all the time

[Asiago]

My son was the same way the first few months of age. It is very understandable. He cannot see, feel or touch me. I may as well be talking to him from a mile away. Babies know they are vulnerable and have a primal need for comfort and security, just as they do warmth and nourishment.

I stopped anywhere safe; a side street, parking lot, park, service station, anywhere in order to comfort him and let him know that his cries have been heard and his needs addressed.

Listen to your instincts. If you feel your baby needs you, then she does.

By the way, at seven months I still respond the same way if he needs me, though it is far less than when he was younger.

[*MamaJen*]

What kind of car seat is it? More specifically, what kind of fabric is it? Is it the kind of shiny, waterproof fabric?
Because my baby used to scream bloody murder in the car seat, especially as the weather turned warmer and he was wearing less clothes. Then he started getting rashes all over his body, then his skin started flaking off, and then he was covered in raw, oozing sores. Literally the entire back of his head was an open sore. Sound awful? It was. Turns out he had contact dermatitis from whatever was in the fabric of his Chicco Keyfit. I put a cover on it and within a day it started getting better, and cleared up completely in a week. I got a new seat ASAP, and he had no problems.
Then one of my best friends had a baby this year, and she got the exact same seat, and her baby started screaming in it, so she borrowed the cover I had made and voila, baby is happy again, because the toxic fabric isn't burning his skin.
There are a lot of comments floating around the internet on this -- if you google car seat and contact dermatitis, or car seat rash, you can read up on it.
Anyway, if your baby is crying like she's in horrible pain, maybe she is.

[nola79]

well, my dd HATES the car, so I feel your pain. I have found with mine, if I pull over, take her out and comfort her, she just gets more upset when we put her back in than if we had just kept on going. It's awful, I try not to go on long trips because of it.

[Smidge]

Originally Posted by jillmamma

Do you have her in a baby "bucket" carrier type carseat or a convertible one? I have heard some people report that their kids like the convertible type (rear facing of course) better. Might be worth a try.

I agree. The buckets are terribly uncomfortable and they lay back farther than a convertible. A nice convertible will offer plenty of padding where she needs it.

[akind1]

the padding is why I really don't like most buckets. newborns and infants have so little "padding" themselves, it must be uncomfortable! The bucket we have is a baby trend, and the cushion in it is adequeate, but the Combi Cocorro in the other car is far more cushy - it is where I"d want to be. Might be why - when he's happy in the car - he falls asleep in it all the time!