Homeschool adivce on whether or not to hold my kindy kid back a year?

[CrazyCatLady]

Zayla is 5 and did kindergarten this year at home (except for a two month trial of public school around the holidays, that went terribly).

She is VERY small for her age. She lacks maturity, is very sensitive, poor motor control issues, terrible vision, behind academically. She is very well behaved though and pays attention. She's just very quiet with low self esteem. She didn't talk the whole two months she was in school and wouldn't do any work unless her 1-on-1 teacher helped her with everything.

I was extremely against the idea before, but I think that maybe we should do kindy again this year at home? Does it even matter when homeschooling? Should I just move her up to first grade and hope she'll catch up someday? I worry about what would happen to her if she ever had to go back to school at some point (hopefully it'll never happen, but we never know). She isn't even that great with her alphabet yet.

Just curious what the homeschooling perspective is on this? I've read a lot of bad things bout holding kindy kids back, but it really seems like it might be best for her at this point.

Thanks

[Linda on the move]

She has flags for special needs. Has she had an eval? If she does have special needs, time will most likely not make them go away and figuring them out and adressing may make a big difference.

I think that you should do school work with in her on her level and in ways that make sense to her, but what grade you call it is really up to you.

[CrazyCatLady]

She's never had an official eval/diagnosis. But she does go to OT, regular therapy, and gets vision therapy. She's always been special needs (had growth, motor, and sensory issues from the get go), we just don't know what she has or why. And in some areas she's freaky smart, so it gets more confusing.

I'll need to at some point decide what grade she should be next year and turn it in. Of course I'll do things at her level no matter what the grade. I think typing it out has helped me realize that she should just do kindergarten again. If she were in an actual school there is no way she'd survive 1st grade.

But if it's her special needs causing issues, holding her back won't necessarily help either.

I just don't want to do the wrong thing here.

[CherryBomb]

I would do kindergarten again. She's only 5, it won't make that much of a difference to do another year.

[eclipse]

I don't think it really matters what you call it. Since you have to pick, I'd call it kindergarten - just go in knowing that you can "skip" her a grade at anytime if she catches up fast. Or, you could just call it first and "hold her back" if she doesn't catch up and ever needs to go to public school.

[ocelotmom]

I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who was held back in 1st grade, did not consider this a good thing long-term, and sees holding back as a last resort option...

How are you homeschooling? Do you go through a charter with strict grade-level expectations? Who decides your curriculum? If you are currently with a school with strict grade-level expectations or a set curriculum, is switching to something more lenient an option?

If you're setting your own curriculum and not being held strictly to state standards, I don't see any benefit to repeating K. As a homeschooler, you're free to work with her where she is now, at her own pace, rather than starting completely over (unless you feel there would be distinct benefit to reviewing everything again, of course). If at some future point you choose to put her back in school or compliance with state standards becomes more of an issue due to standardized testing (which starts in 2nd in CA if you're going through a charter), you still have the option to hold her back at that point.

If you're working with a set curriculum with limited flexibility (like K-12), I can better understand starting over rather than moving on before she's ready. Personally, in that case I'd question whether the curriculum was actually something that worked for my child, and if the benefits of sticking with that curriculum outweighed the drawbacks of holding the child back.

Social issues shouldn't be as much of a problem with homeschooling, as she's free to associate with who she wants regardless of what grade she's in. One thing to keep in mind is that shyness isn't usually helped by being held back - they remain shy, with the added difficulty of a somewhat more awkward social situation and a blow to their self-esteem. I imagine this might be different in a child who is shy around her agemates but more comfortable around kids a bit younger.

Keep in mind that you still have the option of holding her back in the future (though that may be a harder decision to make in terms of her emotional welfare as she gets older), but once you make that decision, it's probably permanent. Most schools don't seem to have a good mechanism in place for catching kids up once they've been held back, so a sudden (or gradual) increase in maturity or catching up in academic ability might put her in a place where she was no longer being adequately challenged.

If she has uncorrectable vision issues (or other problems, such as the fine motor skills) severe enough to interfere with her schoolwork, would she qualify for an IEP? If you're working independently, do you think there might be a way to modify her work to better help her progress despite her limitations?

Good luck with your decision! I know it isn't an easy one either way!

[MyLittleWonders]

Will she be 6 before the CA cut-off? Our middle son is just a week on the six-year old side of the cut-off, and though he would have been enrolled in K if he were going to school, I designated him as a 1st grader on our PSA this past school year. Since 6 year olds are required to be in school in CA, and since everything I have read from a homeschooling perspective in CA says not to put K'ers on the affidavit, dh and I decided to count him as a 1st grader according to our paperwork, but have him work academically at his level.

All that is to say I would first look at her age in regards to the CA cut-off. If she is legally six before December 5th, then you might want to consider filing her as a first grader on your affidavit. The benefit of homeschooling (especially in CA and other "easy" states) is that you can work at her level. If academically she is still working on K level material, continue at her level, and move her up to the next level of curriculum/work when she is ready for it. We do not change curriculum/levels/etc. just because our children matriculate to the next grade level. When they finish with their math, for instance, we move on, regardless of the month of the year.

So, it might be easier to file her as a first grader, but I would definitely keep her academically where she needs to be and not push her ahead into first grade work just because the calendar says she is six/first grade age.

[CrazyCatLady]

Good point about the age. She will be 6 on Sept 4th, so legally she should be a first grader this next year. However, when she was in public school for those two months this year they made it clear that she would have to do kindy again (no exceptions) because she was so behind. So that's kind of why I felt like I had the option to hold her back.

But legally it would be better to just declare her a first grader and do our own thing at home I suppose. We have had a lot of cps grief over the last couple of years. I think it'll sound better to tell them "we're still homeschooling, Zayla's in first grade now and doing great, would you like to see our affidavit?" Verses "Zayla's doing kindergarten at home again this year because she still doesn't know her alphabet".

I knew you all would be full of wisdom. Her dad also wants me to just declare her a 1st grader. So I guess that's what I'll do and hope for the best.

[lach]

My understanding is that it's become fairly common for kids to repeat kindergarten. I know two kindergarteners who repeated. Now that kindergarten is so academic and so many schools are cracking down on redshirting, a lot of kids just aren't ready for kindergarten at age 5.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Melaya

"Zayla's doing kindergarten at home again this year because she still doesn't know her alphabet".

... Her dad also wants me to just declare her a 1st grader. So I guess that's what I'll do and hope for the best.

I strongly recommend getting a full neuro-psych eval to figure out what is going on with her so that you can best meet her educational needs.

If you have insurance, you can do this privately. If not, you can request it in writing from the school.

[One_Girl]

I think you should look into the kindergarten and first grade curriculums that are available and see if one of those fits her at the level she is at. In our state kindergarten doesn't require that much and it would be hard to see how someone could be behind, especially in the first two months. It sounds like your district follows a very strict learning only type of curriculum, but there are fun hands on ones that are exciting and teach students at the same time. Holding kids back can have a negative effect on their education later, but a lot of kids are six right after going into kindergarten in our district because they have a strict September 1st cutoff so it really isn't that big of a deal to be that age and doing kindergarten work. I think you should take her to see an ophthalmologists if you haven't already, they are more knowledgeable about eye disorders and may be able to help you find a way to help her that is more effective than the vision therapy is.

[lach]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I strongly recommend getting a full neuro-psych eval to figure out what is going on with her so that you can best meet her educational needs.

If you have insurance, you can do this privately. If not, you can request it in writing from the school.

I couldn't possibly agree with this any more. Even for a homeschooled child, your district must provide an evaluation. If you want to avoid the district, have your pediatrician recommend someone who can do an evaluation.

There is no harm or shame in it, and it could end up helping you on your educational journey.

[CrazyCatLady]

Ok I'm trying not to take some of these comments personally because I know they're meant with kindness and the best intentions. But she has been to multiple eye doctors. She wears a pair of coke bottle type glasses every day. Expensive ones too because I got her the purple ones she wanted with all the bells and whistles. The vision therapy is just extra to help her with her crossed eye.

I have been asking doctors about her obvious special needs for years now. It's not like I'm neglecting it here or that I feel it's shameful or a big deal. They all just seem to write it off as "kids develop on their own time". And/or they blame me because since I'm young, I must be screwing up at home somehow and not doing enough with her/for her. She already see's an occupational therapist and even she says that Zayla's "fine" except for some sensory issues.

When she was in public school, they blamed her not being able to read on the fact that Zayla also speaks spanish. So it was my fault for "confusing her with two languages". And then when that didn't fly anymore they just called cps on me and accused me of sexually abusing her (they said I must be and that HAS to be the reason why she doesn't talk in school and still has pee accidents sometimes).

We don't do tv, I've read to her daily since she was tiny, we spend hours outside everyday, and I've taken her to a million doctors and begged for help. Did all the proper AP/crunchy stuff when she was a babe. It's gotten me nowhere so far, but not for a lack of trying. Doesn't help that all my family member think that Zayla is just a secret genus and how dare I suggest she has "issues".

I have no desire to ask the school district for help again so they can just accuse me of more neglect or abuse. But I never thought to just seek out a private evaluation. Sounds like a great idea and very worth the money. Cause lord knows, asking her doctor to refer her to someone, anyone for help has gotten me nowhere.

I probably won't read this thread anymore because I don't want to end up with hurt feelings. I think I've figured out what I'm going to do. Thanks so much for the help in figuring this out and for being concerned about my dd. I know everyone here means well.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Melaya

When she was in public school, they blamed her not being able to read on the fact that Zayla also speaks spanish. So it was my fault for "confusing her with two languages".

I am sorry to have offended you, a lot of people think that optometrists are the same as ophthalmologists and some optometrists encourage things that aren't medically sound. We were recommended some therapy by one that was completely unnecessary and a waste of time. Have you tried teaching her in Spanish then English? A lot of times it is easier for children to learn in the language they are used to speaking in before learning in English. It sometimes also takes kids who speak two languages longer to process language right at first because they are translating it into another language before responding. Misdiagnosis for learning disorders is common with these children and it is very sad.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Melaya

Ok I'm trying not to take some of these comments personally because I know they're meant with kindness and the best intentions.

I'm sorry. To me, suggesting an eval isn't suggesting something bad or insulting your parenting or anything. I have a child with issues who had a complete eval this year.

It's precisely because you've done everything right and your DD is nearly 6 and having some developmental issues that figuring out if there is an underlying cause makes sense to me.

You sound like a GREAT mom!

But I never thought to just seek out a private evaluation. Sounds like a great idea and very worth the money.

For us, a private eval was a wonderful thing.

[lach]

I'm really sorry that I came across as attacking I really and truly and honestly didn't mean it. The problem with giving advice to strangers on the internet is that there is always a world of backstory that the responder (me) doesn't know about. You sound like a really great mama, and like you're really on the ball.

I have personally known a few parents who completely ignored signs that their child had issues, and by the time those issues were finally addressed everything was far more complicated than it needed to be. My experience definitely colored by suggestion, and I had no right to just assume that you weren't trying every course. Again, I want to apologize.

Your clarification post actually made me angry, because the bilingual thing is BS and I'm sorry your district stuck with it and shrugged off your requests. If anything, that makes me want to suggest you find someone who knows what the heck he's talking about! Sorry, but the myths about bilingual kids is actually kinda a pet peeve of mine.

Anyway, my first comment still stands. I think that there is very little stigma about repeating kindergarten anymore. Probably still about repeating later grades, but it's not uncommon to repeat kindergarten where I am. This may be a geographical thing, and your area is different.

[kindergirl77]

I don't know if you will see this, but I wanted to say, that with my dd's late Nov. birthday, I decided to hold her, and repeat Kinder- which is a very common thing to do for Fall birthdays. We did a very unschooly Kindergarten at home and then we did a traditional type of homeschooling for Kindergarten again this year... but as for the paperwork, we filed as 1st grade.
Just letting you know!

[Teensy]

Unless I am confused because of your state's requirements, I would register her as whatever grade she would normally be in by cut-off dates, but then teach her as appropriate without regard to the official grade. Isn't that one of the best things about homeschooling, that you can teach your child at their level? You could be more vague with your DD, not naming a specific grade (or if she asks, "you're in kindergarten and a half" or something) .

IF you re-enroll in public school, then you can figure out where she will do best, but in the meantime, just provide her with what she needs, whether it is learning the ABCs, or reading chapter books, or whatever is in between.

Maybe I am missing something, but I think that you are over-thinking this.

[ocelotmom]

Originally Posted by lach

Your clarification post actually made me angry, because the bilingual thing is BS and I'm sorry your district stuck with it and shrugged off your requests. If anything, that makes me want to suggest you find someone who knows what the heck he's talking about! Sorry, but the myths about bilingual kids is actually kinda a pet peeve of mine.

Me too. If being bilingual does slow kids down a bit in the beginning, it has huge benefits later. Saying it's "screwing them up" is taking a very short term view of the situation, and I'm kind of shocked that you'd get that in Southern California, of all places!

For what it's worth, when you said she had vision trouble, I interpreted that as "vision trouble beyond what is easily correctable" and assumed you were already taking reasonable steps at correcting it to whatever extent is possible.

[phathui5]

Are you going to continue homeschooling? I don't think the grade level you put down is important if she's not going to go to school.