"disgusting"

[mariekitt24]

My son is one year old, and although he isn't exactly a toddler yet, I know that I'm doing child-led weaning and don't plan on stopping breastfeeding any time soon. I'm just feeling discouraged. My husband says it's "weird" to him. It seems like all of my friends with children of similar age have already weaned, they make fun of people that breastfeed beyond infancy, and even my own parents are unsupportive. I told my mom the other day that I was going to let my son breastfeed as long as he wanted to and she told me that was disgusting! She is also worried he will be too dependant on me and no one else will be able to comfort him. She is pressuring me to get him used to a pacifier. What should I tell her?
My in laws said the same thing of breastfeeding beyond infancy... that it's gross. (besides my mom I dont directly come out and tell everyone my plans, the general topic of people breastfeeding just comes up sometimes.)
I just don't see the point in taking away that source of comfort and nutrition just because it might make other people uncomfortable. Is there anything so wrong with child led weaning? I'm shy about breastfeeding, and it's not always easy, but I'm just trying to be a loving mother.. and yet I'm made to feel like a freak. Does anyone have any words of encouragement? thank you.

[Climbergirl]

Honestly, do what is best for you two. There are many decisions you will make that your family will have an opinion, but it is just that, an opinion. You and the father are the decision makers, so it is up to you.

Now, to be fair, I am pretty sure DH would like for me to stop nursing our 31 month old. But, he knows that I am not exactly ready for that yet (although being pregnant makes it a little more difficult). And he sees that we are slowing down, so he deals with it. He support me and that means a lot to me.

There are lots of benefits to extended breastfeeding. I would find a supportive pediatrician (sometimes it is easier to just say that is what your doctor recommends) and find your local Le Leche group. You will see lots of nursing toddlers there

Good luck. I really, really hope when I go to become a grandparent or IL one day, that I will have the respect and courage within me to say, I may not agree, but it is your choice, please tell me why you want to do x or y.

[lifeguard]

Dh was unsure about me continuing to nurse beyond a year. We tended to just not discuss it going with a "we'll see how it goes" type of attitude. I think he was worried that by continuing to nurse ds would continue to be so tied to me (making dh feel less able to parent effectively) but that certainly is not the case anymore. We still periodically have when to wean conversations but I find that as he becomes more & more comfortable with our nursing relationship he is seeing the beauty in it to.

As for other people - I know others find it a bit weird but I find now that we're well past the one year mark people have accepted that we're doing things a bit differently & are not going to be deterred. I also find that now most people have assumed that ds is weaned so it rarely comes up anymore.

I know my Mom did think it was a little unusual before but now that she sees how confident & secure & independent ds is she sees how positive the extended nursing is.

I think the best thing is to just not discuss it & carry on with what you know is best.

[fruitfulmomma]

My husband is totally supportive, sometimes even beyond what I am comfortable with, and my mom is okay with it. We don't talk to my mil about it - she is from that age where doctors said they should be weaned and up to the table by 4mo. BFing to a year is not even on her radar, let alone the 4 years that most of them have been bf'ed.

The major medical associations all agree that breastfeeding up to the age of two or beyond is best for the child and Americans are are one of the only societies that forces weaning at such an early age.

I was just looking at my 17mo the other day and thinking that she was still such a baby, I couldn't imagine weaning her.

[vandybelmont2008]

Well.Find new friends that support bf beyond infancy . Family? It will be matter of your wisdom. Which one is more important: opinion of others of your motherly instict to do what is right for you and a child?
You always can say for the family, my pediatrician highly recommends to breastfeed beyond infancy. Many times, MDs opinion is highly respected :-)
Good luck!

[Lineymom]

I am not advocating being a "closet nurser" but I think my family/"friends" were not judgemental (to my face anyway) because after a year or so my DSs never tried to nurse in front of these people, they were too busy playing. With my first, I don't think people really even knew he still was. I was a lot more vocal about it with my second. I'd arm myself with good facts about why to nurse past a year just to be ready for it, and maybe talk to your dh about it. Mine was not much for extended bf with my first, but he didn't want to say too much I think because he would have to find another way to get him to sleep!!!! He is totally onboard now.

[midnightmommy]

I kind of shrug and my non supportive family, and say we're doing it so deal. My husband however backs me up. He knows that I read a it about different parenting things, and trusts me to make choices in our kids' best interests.

I just wanted to say that one of our strongest supporter is my Grandfather. He was raised in a very poor family of nine. He says that where he lived (northern Michigan) babies were nursed for years. It was the best nutrition for them, and they knew that.

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by Lineymom

I am not advocating being a "closet nurser" but I think my family/"friends" were not judgemental (to my face anyway) because after a year or so my DSs never tried to nurse in front of these people, they were too busy playing. With my first, I don't think people really even knew he still was. I was a lot more vocal about it with my second. I'd arm myself with good facts about why to nurse past a year just to be ready for it, and maybe talk to your dh about it. Mine was not much for extended bf with my first, but he didn't want to say too much I think because he would have to find another way to get him to sleep!!!! He is totally onboard now.

Same is true for me. When DH was pressuring me to wean our oldest at about 1.5-2, I offered to let HIM be the one to provide the alternate comfort. Now with the third one he KNOWS I am very firm on this issue, and leaves me alone about it. As far as others asking you when you plan to wean, I just answer that I don't have a set timeframe in mind, but as long as things are going well for both of us, we will continue (ended up being 4.5 years for my first two). Another thing I mention is that there are all kinds of studies and medical organizations that advocate nursing till 2+, but I have yet to see a single study that shows anything negative for the child who is nursed that long. One more is to just ask them, "why would milk from another species (cow) be BETTER for my human child than human milk?" That one usually shuts the naysayers up.

[Baby_Cakes]

Wow. I am so sorry everyone in your circle is being so incredibly unsupportive. I usually find that with most people who don't want to learn or engage in conversation about it, short and simple responses work the best.

"It's what works for us. Thanks."

I've used it many, many times. It shuts people down when they are giving their unsolicited opinion.

There is NOTHING wrong with CLW, or BBI!! In fact, there is so much right with it, I'm amazed at how controversial it is. Good for you for not listening to these ppl. Your DH will come around when he realizes there is nothing weird about it. The others in your family may not come around, but it really does not matter what they think. Your nursing relationship is b/w you and your nursling -- who is very lucky to have you as his mama!

[mambera]

You know, I tend to just not talk about it so much. I know my mom thinks I should wean my kid ASAP and stick her in a crib down the hall. I know I'm not going to do either of those things. But I have no need to get in an argument with her about it. I love my mom, we get along great, and it's been reasonably easy to say "Yeah, that's a thought" and move on when she gives me parenting advice that I don't intend to take.

I don't have any thoughts about CLW for us right now (I guess we'll keep BFing as long as it works for both of us and stop when it doesn't) but if I intended to CLW I just wouldn't even bring it up to my mom. What would be the point?

Regarding the ILs saying it's "gross" when you haven't even really brought up the subject... I think I'd say something like, "I realize it makes some people uncomfortable and that's unfortunate, but I just couldn't see sacrificing my child's health for an adult's comfort level." And then smile and change the subject.

[zoesmom2009]

I completely understand. While my husband and his family are totally supportive of clw, my mom and my side of the family are the complete opposites. In fact, they are opposed to just about every parenting choice I've made thus far. The trick I've learned with my mom is not to argue. Just sit, let her ramble on and just stare at her. Something about my unwavering, unfaltering stare just make her nervous and unsure. By the end of it, she was just stammering, "well, I don't think you should do that...maybe...I don't know..."

Or you could just give the response a friend of mine gave when her mother confronted her about extended breastfeeding of her ds. "Well mom, I was planning on nursing him right up till he got married, then I'll let his wife take over." Her mom never brought it up again.

[emilieblogs]

I'm a big advocate of the "nod your head and smile" approach. I've had to shrug off a lot of negativity from friends and family who just didn't know any better and, while it was some times beneficial to stand up for myself and to reiterate why it is that I make the decisions that I do, I eventually learned that all they really need is the acknowledgement that I've heard what they're saying.
It really sucks to not feel supported by people who you care about, though....are you able to at all surround yourself with like-minded people? A little bit of affirmation can go a long, long way!

[kcparker]

I quote the WHO recommendation and the APA recommendation to "breastfeed to 2 years and beyond as mother and child desire." If it's the standard of feeding set out by those two organizations, how can anybody argue with it? You can also tick off the other benefits:
- few to no ear infections,
- less illness, and less severe when they do get sick,
- fewer sick days that parents take off work,
- lower risk of obesity and asthma later in life,
- good fats for the growing brain,
- those breastmilk antibodies are STILL in the child's system 10 years after nursing ceases, so it gives them immune boosting effects all the way through elementary school if they nurse to age 2, and by 12 or 13, they have fairly mature, robust immune systems.

There's always the sweet-tart, "You reared me and your son to be thoughtful, nurturing parents. Based on our research, this is the best thing we can do for our children. If you don't like it, you don't have to watch."

re:

She is also worried he will be too dependant on me and no one else will be able to comfort him. She is pressuring me to get him used to a pacifier. What should I tell her?

Give her some other comfort tools - she can sing to him, dance with him in her arms, take him out to look at the trees moving in the wind. Remind her that she is GRANDMA and has magic powers, and the more time she spends with him, the more he will feel comfortable with and comforted by her.

[Adsullata]

Originally Posted by zoësmom2009

Or you could just give the response a friend of mine gave when her mother confronted her about extended breastfeeding of her ds. "Well mom, I was planning on nursing him right up till he got married, then I'll let his wife take over." Her mom never brought it up again.

Sometimes I wish I was that brazen.

Hugs to you mama. I know how you feel, except at least my dh is onboard. Although, as pp's have said, your dh will very probably come around, especially as he sees how great the nursing relationship is for your lo.

I wish I had started building a like-minded support network much earlier, because I didn't and am just now attempting it. The last year plus would have been much easier with a friend or two IRL to commiserate with or just enjoy the nursing company. If I had done so sooner, I would probably be feeling even more confident at this point.