Can I Vent?

[Ambystoma]

Apologies if this is the wrong forum, so feel free to move or delete. I just have to get this out or I'll scream.

A facebook friend and her husband (friend is actually someone DH grew up with, so I don't know her all that well, lives 1000 miles away, although apparently we did go to the same High School...) announced their pregnancy when I was 3 months pregnant-she had just found out and was I guess 4 weeks along. They announced via facebook and pics of the preggo test, which I found odd, but to each their own. Such began the 9 months of TMI on my facebook page .

Anyway, she's at 39 weeks now, and she "convinced" her doc to let them induce b/c she couldn't wait for the baby any longer. I showed my DH (who doesn't use facebook) and he knew what I was thinking. She was admitted to the hossy last night and her DH has been updating on FB every once in a while as to what is going on. I literally have never seen something unfold in such a textbook intervention snowball...

She was literally not dilated more than a fingertip and no ctrx at all. Yesterday at 6ish-cervadil and IV. Then IV antibiotics for reason I don't know. This morning, 2cm ad then pit. 4pm-4cm, epi, AROM.....now still 4cm. And the doc just mentioned "c-section" for failure to progress.

NO KIDDING! Her body is NOT ready. It has made me sick for her all day. And I don't really know her. DH asked me not to ay anything to her when she mentioned induction since he said it wasn't our business and reminded me how irritated we were when people assumed we didn't know what we were doing when we HB'ed. So, I just put some random natural birth info in my statuses and was happy when her friends would encourage them to be patient and one mentioned going "post-dates" herself. Now I wish I had said something....not that she would've listened to the weird hippie who birthed at home. I just hope she doesn't end up w/ a c/s but I don't see it turning out well.

Thanks for listening. Not sure what I'm looking for here? Maybe just commiseration?

[ERue]

It seems like all my IRL friends do this. It makes me crazy. I don't understand why...just for your comfort?? I know how miserable it is to be 39 weeks pregnant, trust me! It makes me sad that OBs are will to induce for convenience, too.
So, yeah, I know how you feel. It's hard to not say anything.

[at_the_hip]

Yes, I've watched family & friends have the very same happen. When it comes down to it is her choice and although I find it very sad, it's still not my place to say something unless I am asked, kwim? Especially after the fact - then it really is too late!

There are enough people who make comments about homebirth and other choices such as vaccines, so I try to give others the respect that I would like to have. If someone asks me about my choices then I will kindly answer, but every mama still has to make her own journey. I wish that the medicalized model of birth wasn't the way it is now - Drs should say no to early induction because every study shows better outcomes for mama and baby when things progress naturally, short of the need for medical intervention (which is obviously different not just a symptom of our culture's impatience; wanting everything NOW).

If nothing else, watching especially family members with these results make me content to wait after my due date each time...knowing that I am giving baby and I the best chance at a healthy outcome!

[CherryBomb]

I still can't believe OBs will do that now. When I had dd1 back in 2001 no OB around here would induce before 41 weeks without cause. I remember pouting in his office at 40 weeks (not knowing the things I know now) and him saying "I can't induce you just because you're tired of being pregnant." He did induce me at 41 weeks and it didn't take so I had a c/s

Anyway. Yes, it's frustrating.

[AFWife]

Totally with you! I have a friend that's been trying to convince the OB to induce since she was 37 weeks just because she's tired of being pregnant. She's in the office today getting a late term ultrasound because "they think he's too big"...all of her mainstream friends are like, "Oh good. Now you'll know your delivery date!" Seriously?? Aren't late term ultrasounds notorious for being wrong? (I told her as much btw)

Another friend's wife got induced more than once, it didn't take, and she ended up with a c/s. His status talked about how sad he was that she had to have a c/s and I kept thinking "Well DUH."

One of DH's coworkers scheduled her delivery as well. Induction. Why? It's her 4th baby and she's not sure she'll make it to the hospital in time. She lives 10mins max from the hospital. I told him that all she has to do is stay within 10-20mins of the hospital when she hits 38 weeks. No need for induction. But no, she's scheduled.


What I don't understand is why OBs continue to do this even though the results are usually "failure to progress"

[sebandg'smama]

The "hide" function on fb was made for such a situation!

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by AFWife

What I don't understand is why OBs continue to do this even though the results are usually "failure to progress"

It's debated whether OBs get more money for cesareans or not. It's a possibility, anyway.

But the main reason is so they can collect the birth fee, whatever it might be. If they just "let" a woman go into labor on her own, who knows whose shift she'll show up on?

But if the OB can schedule a woman in, she'll birth with him no matter what - either vaginal if she's very lucky, or cesearan when enough time has lapsed and he's getting ready to go home.

Then he collects the fee for it, rather than some other doctor.

I tried Facebook for a week and deactivated my account, but if I stayed, I would use the hide function for this stuff. I have a cousin who is pregnant with twins, and I just don't wanna know, you know?

[Evergreen]

Originally Posted by Ambystoma

.

A facebook friend and her husband (friend is actually someone DH grew up with, so I don't know her all that well, lives 1000 miles away, although apparently we did go to the same High School...) announced their pregnancy when I was 3 months pregnant-she had just found out and was I guess 4 weeks along. They announced via facebook and pics of the preggo test, which I found odd, but to each their own. Such began the 9 months of TMI on my facebook page .

Hahaha. I guess I am annoying but I did they play-by-play on facebook too. I had a really long labor and didn't have anything else to do, though.

It is interesting to actually 'see' the snowballing of interventions.

[St. Margaret]

I just don't get this... maybe I have a terrible memory, but I was NOT that miserable at 39 or even 40wks... I mean, I had hip pain that made it hard to move in bed or get up from bed, and I was peeing all the time, weird sleep patterns... but it was WAY better than the next week when I was up nonstop with a newborn! Everyone's always like, I'm sooooo ready to be done but I was fine. I know it's different for everyone.

I would try to just let go, in fact, I'd hide her on FB, b/c she'll just continue to drive you crazy with posts about parenting, too... I'm glad I kept one FB friend like this because through her I met an awesome kindred spirit (when we both suggested amber necklaces for teething). But if you don't really know her? I'm happy to live in my little MDC/AP playgroup bubble, la la la.

[RedOakMomma]

Yup. Let go/hide her updates....it's not worth the frustration, nor is it your place (imo) to judge or try to influence her birth and parenting decisions. She's a near-stranger who is not asking for input. Think of how you'd feel if she started pushing her birth/parenting approaches on you.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

Hahaha. I guess I am annoying but I did they play-by-play on facebook too. I had a really long labor and didn't have anything else to do, though.

I kind of thought this was the point of Facebook anyway? We get a play-by-play of everyone's lives. I mean, sure, there IS a limit, but I just don't think it's unreasonable in the Facebook culture to document all the little things. What else do people DO on Facebook anyway? I see people posting things like "ok, heading home now" or "good night everyone" or whatever - at least a play-by-play of pregnancy and labor is probably interesting to many people (even if, sure, not all).

Not that I did it, anyway Not a Facebooker myself.

Originally Posted by St. Margaret

I just don't get this... maybe I have a terrible memory, but I was NOT that miserable at 39 or even 40wks... I mean, I had hip pain that made it hard to move in bed or get up from bed, and I was peeing all the time, weird sleep patterns... but it was WAY better than the next week when I was up nonstop with a newborn! Everyone's always like, I'm sooooo ready to be done but I was fine. I know it's different for everyone.

Yeah it's different for everyone but I am like you. I even posted something years ago here on MDC about it. I grant you I've never experienced being 42 weeks pregnant but 40 weeks was perfectly fine for me, I don't know what people mean when they say they want this baby OUTTA here! As if babies were more convenient outside the womb (yeah, right!)

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Yeah it's different for everyone but I am like you. I even posted something years ago here on MDC about it. I grant you I've never experienced being 42 weeks pregnant but 40 weeks was perfectly fine for me, I don't know what people mean when they say they want this baby OUTTA here! As if babies were more convenient outside the womb (yeah, right!)

Yep, different for everyone...but I haven't ever been that uncomfortable either. Not even at 41+3!

[AFWife]

I had excruciating back pain that started at 32 weeks...but I still wasn't uncomfortable enough to "need" the baby to come early. (I mean, he did at 38weeks but it was my body's decision)

[mambera]

Originally Posted by St. Margaret

maybe I have a terrible memory, but I was NOT that miserable at 39 or even 40wks... I mean, I had hip pain that made it hard to move in bed or get up from bed, and I was peeing all the time, weird sleep patterns... but it was WAY better than the next week when I was up nonstop with a newborn!

Really? I found pregnancy absolutely miserable. I loved being a new mom though. I did sleep better with the baby on the outside - sure it was interrupted a lot but it was SO much more comfortable.

That said, obviously elective induction is like using an elephant gun to swat a fly. But I can understand the urge (if not the actual decision).

[Climbergirl]

I was miserable pregnant. My old car accident injuries in my next and back were killing me. I felt like I could not breathe well (I have a seriously short torso). I had heartburn all the time. I had gained 60 pounds. I was swollen and could not sleep well. But, I was offered an induction but I did decline it. I guess I wasn't THAT miserable! I was anxious to get the show on the road. I really wanted to hold that little baby. But it was more of first time mommy wanted to meet her baby than anything else.

Sometimes, with other people, you just have to bite your tongue and hope they show you the same respect. It is hard to see people make choices you know are not good, but it is their life and their decision. Now, can someone tell my MIL this please????

[Ambystoma]

Oh, I agree about not saying anything-which is why I didn't. I was just second guessing that decision to not pass along info at some point, but I think that would have been a bad idea.

And "hiding" seems like a good idea. My FB is has been in pirate language since I've had it, so I forget all the options like that sometimes. It will be easier for my conscience and make me less manic (I'm a bit obsessive about things...DH swears it's OCD, but I think people always say that if you're obsessive).

I only got the stupid thing to keep in touch with family and friends when we moved halfway across the country anyhow. Then all these people "add" me and I feel rude to say no .

[KempsMama]

This story could have been about me. Before I knew better, I went with an elective induction, because I was so miserable pg and was told I was going to have a HUGE baby. I ended up with a C-section for FTP after just 12 hours. I have HUGE regrets. I try and share my story with anyone who considers elective induction.


If I had it to do all over, I would have gone to all kinds of lengths to avoid induction. This time around I'm going for a VBAC, and don't get me started about the fight I have ahead of me against the hospital policy to induce VBAC's.

[Bellabaz]

Things like this make me so mad. I know its judgmental, I know 39 weeks is uncomfy and you are impatient to meet you beautiful baby. I felt the same way but not enough to endager myself and my soon to be child (with both I went over 41 weeks). It is very much the doctors though who need to be stern and say it is medically unadvisable to induce a this time. I hope everything turns out okay for her.

Its good you didn't say anything though.

[Beccadoula]

WHAT a mess...so many moms contact me after a hospital birth just like this...all traumatized and ready to do something to make sure it never happens again. Rest in the fact that she most likely would have either pooh-poohed you or been angry if you had said anything. Sorry!!! I know how frustrating it is to stand by with your hands tied and watch in horror as someone chooses everything you know to be hazardous.

[Greenlea]

I was miserable at the end of my pregnancy too. But I tried natural induction techniques (sex, walking, pressure points) that got me into labor at 38 weeks. I would've happily gone much longer to avoid all that medical intervention and c/s though.

She put herself through a lot of pain and unnecessary discomfort.