DS doesn't want to HS

[eli's mama]

I have wanted to HS since my first child was born. This past (school) year he started part time kindy and he's been doing just fine, however, I feel more strongly than ever that I want to HS going forward. We've started talking about it and DS says he doesn't want to. I am shocked as right along he has wanted to. I feel as though he might be confused but I don't want to push what I want on him or make him feel like HS is better than public school just because I think it is.
He's only 6 but I want to respect the way he feels. Do you think it would be wise to let him start 1st grade and pull him out after a while? I don't want to be disruptive, but I want to give him the opportunity to make an informed decision. Am I giving him too much power in this situation?? TIA!

[OTMomma]

How does your dp feel about school vs. hs? I think the answer to this depends a lot on your reasons for wanting to hs- there are many reasons I hs that I wouldn't discuss with my dc at that age- a child is basically only able to see how they feel about things, not look at them from a bigger picture stand point. I would only send the child to school if you are comfortable with that choice. Its not fair to send the child to school with a plan to pull him out, but there is nothing wrong with keeping hs in your back pocket, as an option if things don't go well. I hope that makes sense.

Good luck- parenting is hard work.

[One_Girl]

I think it would be fine to start him in school but plan to take him out if he needs to be out. First grade is much much different from half day kindergarten and he may want to come home after the initial fun of being in a new grade wears off.

[caefi]

I think you're giving him too much power. A six-year-old does not understand the benefits-vs-detriments to schooling methods. At 6yo you find out what aspects of school the child likes the best and is conerned about losing and find ways to replace that in his life - but you don't ask the child if they WANT to homeschool, you tell the child you are GOING to homeschool.

You can also tell the child you will re-evaluate at the beginning of each school year to make sure that homeschooling is still working for the family - if that's how you plan to homeschool, taking it year-by-year. Or if you have goal of until 4th grade, jr high, high school tell your child that is how long you will homeschool and then see from there.

[eli's mama]

caefi - that's what I'm wondering. I want him to feel respected, and understand why I am choosing HS, but I also want him to know that I have the final say at least for now.

[bethanyclaire]

It looks like we are in a similar boat. I have 3 kids very close to the ages of your 3 and I'm a CT mama, too! We moved in April and DS started at a new school. He is in 1st grade and, though I always wanted to homeschool, it turned out that our old school system was fabulous and was a great fit for our family. The new school? Not so much... and that is being kind.

I'm pulling him out at the end of this year (I'm letting him finish to minimize the already overwhelming transitions so far this year). He is excited but hesitant. I think it depends on how you present it to them and how much control they feel like they have. I didn't ask my son if he wanted to, per se, but I did ask how he felt about the idea of schooling at home and we talked a lot about what that would mean. I also got him excited by including him in the planning and letting him suggest field trips, projects and activities.

Anyway, I don't know where you are in CT but maybe we could keep in touch? It would be great to have someone to share the journey with!

[pigpokey]

Compared to you as the adult, your child has very, very, very little knowledge of what first grade is, and the costs and benefits thereof. So respecting his feelings about the decision is one thing but letting him decide is another.

What he probably feels is the potential for loss of something he enjoys (his buddies / school, some of which will continue for first grade). He cannot feel the loss of the opportunities he'll miss if he goes to first grade because he cannot abstract like that.

What you should do is decide truly what is best for him and the family and then do it. Respect his feelings by setting up things like: can he join a Scout troop with his former classmates? Can he still do some of the things he liked to do about K -- art? music? -- at the local rec center? If he enjoys the classroom type situation, are their opportunities for him to take some classes outside the home?

[donutmolly]

I'm experiencing a similar situation with my just turned 5-yo, never been to school DD. She is really bummed that she won't be getting on the bus and going off to kindergarten... even though she has no idea what that process is like. But, she has picked up on the idea that going off to school is "normal" and "what big kids do", just from library books, conversations and the like...

I was really surprised by her resistance, but have made an effort to acknowledge her feelings, ask what she thinks she'll be missing, and then try to creatively come up with
some ways to meet those concerns. Seriously, one of her reasons for wanting to go to school is so that she can wear a backpack -- obviously not a decision maker for me -- so we'll definitely make a "back to school" trip and get her a backpack, and then try to remember to use it for field trips, going to the library, etc.

I've also tried to hype-up homeschooling a bit -- asking her what she wants to do, and proposing lots of fun stuff I know she'd like, like ballet lessons, to get her excited about homeschool.

[karika]

@donutmolly my child was the same way. She wanted to ride a bus and go to school just because of tv shows and exposure to media. I just told her we were going to learn at home and that when she is old enough to carry a cell phone and knows how to handle any situation that arises when away from a parent we would reevaluate then (she is always with one or the other of us). She asks how old she will be and I told her between 10-14. To the OP, my dd said she wanted a curriculum and a schedule (we do not live by a schedule) for HS. I got a curriculum and made out a schedule with 15 min increments. It lasted a very short time. She quickly changed her mind. I hear you on wanting to honor LO's feelings. It sounds like you have your child in a public school setting right now? It is hard for him to desire a change from that most likely. There are other children there and he has fun. dd1 went to a home daycare for a time when she was 4. they had preschool days at another home twice a week. She really liked it and was sad when I took her out. But I had valid reasons for doing it. She was not receiving proper care there IMO(insufficient supervision) and was being exposed to ideas that are not ours there (religion) which I didn't know going in. So I have just explained to here that we HS because what is taught in PS is not what we believe and is a lot of times, the opposite of what we believe. She is advanced in thinking for her age though maybe. She understands. She does like HS better now that we pretend she is riding a bus to and from, and have other pretend students in the class with her (her favorite characters like Finnias and Ferb, Shego, Freddie from ICarly....). We recently found another group of HSers in the area and have had a playdate at the park with them which she enjoyed. Man this got long, but yeah I would say HS is not an option at this age, it is what will be...

[pigpokey]

I did have my younger child insisting for a while that he was going to go to first grade -- because his friend, who has now finished 2nd grade, went and a lot of his mostly older other friends went.

In his case, what really needed to sink in was:

(1) You do not get to pick your classroom, you are not districted for his school, and even if you were there is no way they would accelerate you 3 grades into his classroom right off the bat, and probably never.

(2) You do not have control over your environment. You cannot go to the bathroom without permission. It is not some big party of mature people like you think. (Best friend who says school is so fun, literally sighed when confirming this.)

(3) If you went to full day school we would NEVER be able to do (insert several fun activities we are only able to do because we home school).

[Phoebe]

Struggling with the same thing exactly! Ds is finishing up K in public school and he keeps talking about this and that about 1st grade. Dh isn't in board either. I feel like it's going to break ds' heart to homeschool. But, I have to do what is best.
This may be the hardest decision I have ever made. Harder than moving across country from friends and family, harder than choosing a homebirth.

Good luck in your decision.
It's a toughy.

Amy

[Smithie]

Well, I started homeschooling in kindy because my ds didn't want to "go to school in a building." Obviously, it was an adult decision and there were factors that only adults could evaluate (like, am I competent to homeschool?), but in the tend I would say that that we DID make the decision based mainly on his strong preference. He's young, but that doesn't mean he he has no ability to assess what works best for him based on his preschool experience versus his experience of learning stuff from us one-on-one at home.

I love homeschooling my son. But if my next child begs to go to public school, I'm going to let her, and I'm going to offer ds the chance to revisit his decision at that time. There are upsides to group education.

If we lived in a terrible school district or the bus schedule was going to completely wreck our family's lifestyle, I would not be so willing to let dd decide about school. Those are some of those adult-factor aspects...