13 yo visiting friends I don't know

[Lindy]

My question is should I let my 13 yo girl go to visit a friend from school at her house. I don't know this friend or her parents. We have always homeschooled before this year and I knew all my dd's friends and parents so it was no problem. I feel a little uncomfortable letting her go to people I don't know. I'm not the type to just call up and talk to the mother or arrange a meeting. It would be ok with me if the friend came to our house. But, my dd is mad at me for saying I had to think it over instead of just saying yes. I am slightly overprotective, so that's why I'm asking. Am I just being overprotective to be worried about this?

[Lucky Charm]

I'm not the type to just call up and talk to the mother or arrange a meeting.

Lindy, then you should become the type! I strongly urge you to have a quick chat with the mom. Nothing fancy, just get the number from your child, have her dial talk to the kid, then have them pass the phone to you when her mom gets on. I usually say "Hi, I'mLisa, Andrew's mom, are you sure you dont mind him coming over for a bit after school?" like that.

It is so important to know your kids friends and their parents.

I dont think you are over protective at all. But you might feel a bit more comfortable if you talked with the mom.

[MommaCheesehead]

I always make sure I'm the one doing the dropping-off if my oldest is going to a new friends house. That way I get to go inside and take a quick peek around and chat with the mom or dad for a few minutes. And the first time is usually just for 2 or 3 hours. Never a sleepover or an extended stay.

[Lindy]

Sweetbaby and Mommacheesehead, Thank you for responding. You are right of course, that I should talk to the mother and go over to their house even if just for a few minutes. I am extremely shy, but I will come out of my shell on this occasion for dd's sake. I'm glad you don't think I'm too overprotective. My dh didn't think it was any big deal that we don't know the friend or the parents.

[calgal007]

I always ask if the new friend's parent keeps guns in the house. Just so I know the lay of the land, so to speak.

[Red]

So much depends on your child! Always feel freee to call any parent and ask if they know the kdis ar eplanning a sleep over, can you bring aything and what time should you pick up? Then, I always go in with my kids for the first visit, chat for a few minutes. You can say how brave the other parent is to be having the sleep over, what a nice house they have, anything.

my kids aare going to school in a different town these last two years. I don't know any of their friends parents, or too much about their friends. But one of my kids is like a miniature 40 yo. She's the national honor student, exchange student to Japan, winning essay-writing, super kid!!! She's just not looking for trouble.

This weekend she and her twin wanted to stay at a new friends home. I was a bit leery. I wanted to call, but the responsible one last the phone #! We live in a very rural area and I was afraid they'd gfind som e mischief. After a short 'probe' I asked what they were planning on doing at the friends? Oh, well, her new puppies had just opened their eyes and she was having some friends over to se them, then pizza, then movies and could they take our nintendo? I went in, met Dad and the puppies, (aww!), chattted at the other girls (no one really answered!) and felt pretty safe. They are almost 14, and I shudder to think of the things I successfully managed at that age.

I say, you should feel free to check up on her, but give her room to grow. If she does something irresponsible, thenyou can be stricter.

And always, always, no matter how weel you know the family, tell your kids to call at time of the night if they want to come home. Impress this upon them. Let them know that people you may trust might not always be trust worthy and that you will always believe them, always come for them and make excuses for them if they need to come home.

Then let 'em roam a bit. So they learn how to roam safely and while you can still help!

[Celtain]

I'm the same way, I feel really uncomfortable around people I don't know, especially if I am getting thrown into the situation. I don't want to deny dd her teenage experiences but I also don't want to allow her to be in an environment that could cause her to make bad choices. It is a tough road to walk.

I have learned to just "suck it up" and meet the parent. I do WAY better if I do it in person, not over the phone. I hate talking to someone I don't know. You have to be nice and chatty and you really have no idea who the heck this person is!!!

So my dd has to deal with if she wants to go to a new house she can not ride the bus and I have to meet the parent.

Hope that helps.

[Lindy]

Hi, so sorry it took me so long to get back here. My computer was not working.

Calgal, I worry wbout guns too. In this area though practically everyone has guns.(except us). I have told dd never to play with guns and to leave if her friends are playing with guns.

Red, I think my dd is pretty mature, but she also likes to please people. I've talked to her about trusting her instincts, and not to just trust anybody even is they are adults. You're right I need to let her roam a little and grow to trust herself.

embens, Thanks, your comments did help. I will tell dd that I have to meet the parents if she wants to visit. It makes me feel more secure to do that.

Thanks again everyone

[mwanamaker0209]

You did the right thing, thinking it over. I get to know the parents before I let my 13 yr old visit anyone. Thats the best way. She doesn't understand why I have to do this. But I feel as though I should get to know the parents first. So many things can happen in someones elses house. You don't know what kind of people they are by knowing her friends. Teens are one way when they are with you and another when they are outside and at home with their own parents. Calling and getting phone numbers, even finding out what car they drive, and find out where they live is the best thing to do. I know your daughter will be embarrassed and she will be angry. But you are showing her that you care and love her. You are only trying to protect her. She will appreciate eventually.

Think about it this way. Say something happens to your child. The police questions you. You have no idea where the parents live, what kind of car they drive, no phone number and you know nothing about the parents. This will make you look bad and your child in danger. You are always suppose to know where and who your child is with at all times. Just because a person looks good doesn't mean they are.