need to vent

[mommy92109]

So, I just sat through a lunch with colleagues (I'm a teacher) where the topic of conversation was how "gross" it is when children are "still" nursing at four years old (or even after just a few months!). Ggggrrr!!! There were soooo many inappropriate and inaccurate comments, and I could feel my blood pressure rising and my face turning red. Especially because most of them know that I am currently nursing (because they know I pump at school). I chimed in with facts on breastfeeding, as pleasantly as I could, but they just are so...so...ugh...ignorant is the only word I can think of! There were comments along the lines of "is she from another country", "they only breastfeed for that long in underdeveloped countries because they have no money", "yeah, and they sleep with their babies too", "there are definitely attachment issues there", "it's so gross", "just shut the kid off", "it's so terrible", "that child is going to have boundary issues"...the list goes on and on.

And these women ALL have children and ALL work with young children!!!!!!

Another woman has a five month old (c/s, formula, CIO, the whole nine yards) and goes, "Yeah, it didn't dawn on me until the other day how much money I could have saved."

I'm just so worked up right now, this is the first time since my 8 month old was born that I have come across anything like this. Ugh, it is so upsetting.

Thanks for listening!

[Chamomile Girl]

Oooo how inappropriate for a group of teachers! I think in a situation like this I would make it clear that I felt the topic to be really demeaning to those in the community they are serving!!

I am also a teacher and with my school's strong multicultural/social justice curriculum I cannot imagine a conversation like this at work.

I mean, seriously?? I'm mad too.

[jillmamma]

That would make me mad too! I think I would make a comment about how healthy those kids must be given such a great start for their immune systems, and it must be nice to not have to use so many sick days. Or, you know if you think about it, it really does make sense to give a kid milk from their own species rather than another species (cow). I am sure I would be looked at as weird, but who cares? Does not sound like they have the best attitudes anyway.

[akind1]

OP, you weren't in a room with my sister were you? she is a teacher (currently looking for work - SC has really cracked down on hiring new teachers) She has said all of this to me, and more, about how "uncomfortable" it makes her to see women NIP. Granted, she is *only* 22, but has been around nursing women for YEARS.

the other day she was commenting, in her "scandalous" voice how shocking it was that her SIL *still* nurses her youngest, who is 2, and how extended BF'ing is done to keep babies dependent on their mamas. she has expressed similiar comments on tandem nursing.

I think it is sad indeed that she and other teachers have this attitude - I don't know where it comes from -

I think you did the best you can; I try to educate her but then she tells me I'm berating her with my opinion. I don't know what to do about ignorance in others, other than just live as an example - and educate where I can.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by akind1

I think you did the best you can; I try to educate her but then she tells me I'm berating her with my opinion.

Well heck next time she tells you that tell her that she is disgusting you with her opinion! And if she is going to speak of things she has no knowledge of around you, than it is your right to respond appropriately.

[mommy92109]

It's so interesting because I think that in the public schools in the US the focus is on independence, given the nature of our system. People think that attachment parenting and nursing beyond infancy inhibit independence, when in reality, they foster it by creating secure bonds and relationships!

[TerraNoelle]

This kind of talk makes me both sad AND mad!!!

I'm pretty vocal and outpoken when it comes to sheer stupidity comments like this!!! Plus having made some past mistakes myself and DEEPLY regretting them I so want other women to be educated on such issues, but it seems like so many don't even really care and when you do try to interject your own thoughts that are so opposite suddenly your so "judgmental" and "think you're a better parent."

Well, hey, I take my parenting responsibilities seriously! After all I am nurturing another fellow human being, not trying to create a clone who comes straight from the womb expected to STTN, never say a word and be "perfect" .... bleck

I made it knows with my second son [thankfully after I learned more and did BETTER!] that I would be doing "extended" nursing [I hate calling it that because I honestly think that its just "normal" to do CLW. I made it so plain and became so "radical" that no one really says anything to me for fear of having their head bitten off!

[lalemma]

When people say things like that, I say: "Oh really? I don't know - my parents slept with us, and my mom nursed us into childhood. I don't think we're that crazy...". Or if I'm REALLY feeling cranky I might smile sweetly and say "Are you calling my mom a weirdo?"

Honestly I think most of that BS is just social talk - people finding a shared object to kvetch about in ignorance. I doubt they actually go home and think horrid thoughts about extended nursing (but if they do, that's their lookout.)

[hildare]

that's exactly why i quit working in an elementary school & went to grad school.
hold your head up, mama.. and imo, there's nothing you can say or do to change anyone's mind in a situation like that. information is out there, it's just easier for some people to ignore reality & be judgmental.

[Proudmom2Teeg]

I am sorry that you had to sit there and listen to that When my son was younger ( he is 13 months now) rude comments would really get to me. Now that he is older I am so dedicated and confident in my choice to allow him to self wean that I have learned to gain thick skin. When people start talking I usually chime in confidently saying I plan on breastfeeding till my son no longer wants to! That usually shuts them up really fast Living in a society where breastfeeding is not always the norm can be hard. People have a lack of knowledge of the benefits of breastfeeding nutritional and mentally. Ignorance is what they are suffering from! When I look at it that way I dont get mad at them anymore just sad they are missing out on such a beautiful experience with their child.

I am sorry you had to hear them talking like that. Being a social outcast can often be hard. I am proud of the people who dont follow the rest of the crowd and actually research such important things making decisions based on what is right instead of what everyone else is doing! When you feel alone realize there are millions of other breastfeeding woman out there patting you on the back for giving your baby the best!