Just to be clear that we are not thinking of moving older DS just because of the new baby, it’s just one of many factors making us think it’s time. And there is more to the transition than the room…
A quick rundown on the current situation: DS had been sleeping happily in his own crib in the big bedroom by himself at 1.5 yo when a lot of things happened within a short timeframe which shot his sleeping habits to hell (DH and I switching our FT-PT WOH/caregiver roles around, me leaving the house to catch my train before DS got up, a bad case of tonsillitis with high fever, transition from grandparents/babysitter arrangement to a pre-school based daycare class). Going back to co-sleeping was an act of desperation at the time. We attached the crib to my side of the bed with the side taken down, I changed my work hours so DS would reliably see me in the morning and we almost pulled him from the daycare too, but decided to stick that one out for better or for worse (ever since he’s moved up into a real preschool class at 2y10m this is much better too). For two years now, I have lain down next to him till he fell asleep, have cuddled him when he woke up at night and have fed him a bottle of milk in the morning before gulping down a mug of tea and running to catch my train - and on the weekends, we have enjoyed nursing our mugs of hot beverages while he played with his stuffed animals. Sometimes he wakes up with a gasp and moan and climbs over me to be in the middle or cuddle with DH who I suppose feels safer to him after a nightmare, and while my DH does not deal with sleep interruptions well, once in a while that’s been okay too. We feel that feeling safe and secure at nighttime has helped him deal with his many anxieties and sensitivities throughout the day including the separation anxiety that came with my being a WOHM, something he does not really accept to this day.
As you can guess from my siggy, that’s going to change soon. As of next week, I’ll stop commuting, and by mid- July at the latest, I’ll be home for at least 9 months. This spring, we picked out child-appropriate furniture together for the small bedroom and moved in some toys and books (he’s got “play corners” all over the house). He loved building and painting his new bed with DH. We are planning to move his clothes, which are currently still next to the out-of-use changing table in the bathroom, into his closet and move the baby stuff next to the changing table. He is very happy to have his own room, happy to play in it provided we hang out with him and happiest to have his granny sleep in it whenever she is staying over. But he does not want to sleep in it yet! One half of parents we know who’ve recently had their second ask when he’s going to be moved already, the other half just laugh and point out that their older DC ended up in bed with them anyway as soon as they realized the baby was allowed, too! While it would be very convenient to have the baby, boppy and other stuff in the crib, we havea co-sleeper that attaches to the other side of the bed and that goes up to 9 months so we could in theory sleep together for another year. So we haven’t pushed it and aren’t planning to, I think it would backfire. Nor have I been enthusiastic to deal with having to sit up next to DS in his room till he is asleep as opposed to just lying down and relaxing myself or to get up at night to comfort him, I’ve been too exhausted. When he is in his own room, I want him to go to sleep on his own, sleep mostly through the night and come into our room on his own speed when he’s had a nightmare.
We have begun to wean him off the sleep sack so he could get out of bed and walk (he is the kind of sleeper who moves around so much that he is never under the covers so had to wait until spring to do this). As soon as our mornings are more relaxed as of next week, I want to wean him off the bottle – it’s time, I feel we’ve kept it up for convenience really but maybe it’ll upset him more than I expect. And we’ll soon have to switch sides because my growing belly has a growing need for space, and of course I will have to be next to the co-sleeper to nurse, and that may upset him too. Whether it’s a coincidence or not, ever since getting rid of the sleep sack he has been under MY covers to go to sleep, and cuddling up for half the night after reliably sleeping through the night in his crib for months - fine with me except for those little feet and knees boring into my belly, that really hurts and can’t go on.
So far I’ve got it all planned out. But then I am drawing a blank. How do we go on? Do we just put him to bed in his own room at some point? Before the baby is born? After? Do we wait for him to express a need for his own space? While he has shown some tentative interest in sleeping in his own bed “when I’m four!”, it is clear that he is not willing to move out yet. Should we just accept that he is not ready? Just relax and try out being four to a room as long as it is working? What if it doesn’t work for my DH, who is much worse at dealing with sleep interruptons than I am? (I can just see him move out into DS’s room by himself and leave me to deal with both kids at night!).
Thoughts? Experiences? Advice?
A quick rundown on the current situation: DS had been sleeping happily in his own crib in the big bedroom by himself at 1.5 yo when a lot of things happened within a short timeframe which shot his sleeping habits to hell (DH and I switching our FT-PT WOH/caregiver roles around, me leaving the house to catch my train before DS got up, a bad case of tonsillitis with high fever, transition from grandparents/babysitter arrangement to a pre-school based daycare class). Going back to co-sleeping was an act of desperation at the time. We attached the crib to my side of the bed with the side taken down, I changed my work hours so DS would reliably see me in the morning and we almost pulled him from the daycare too, but decided to stick that one out for better or for worse (ever since he’s moved up into a real preschool class at 2y10m this is much better too). For two years now, I have lain down next to him till he fell asleep, have cuddled him when he woke up at night and have fed him a bottle of milk in the morning before gulping down a mug of tea and running to catch my train - and on the weekends, we have enjoyed nursing our mugs of hot beverages while he played with his stuffed animals. Sometimes he wakes up with a gasp and moan and climbs over me to be in the middle or cuddle with DH who I suppose feels safer to him after a nightmare, and while my DH does not deal with sleep interruptions well, once in a while that’s been okay too. We feel that feeling safe and secure at nighttime has helped him deal with his many anxieties and sensitivities throughout the day including the separation anxiety that came with my being a WOHM, something he does not really accept to this day.
As you can guess from my siggy, that’s going to change soon. As of next week, I’ll stop commuting, and by mid- July at the latest, I’ll be home for at least 9 months. This spring, we picked out child-appropriate furniture together for the small bedroom and moved in some toys and books (he’s got “play corners” all over the house). He loved building and painting his new bed with DH. We are planning to move his clothes, which are currently still next to the out-of-use changing table in the bathroom, into his closet and move the baby stuff next to the changing table. He is very happy to have his own room, happy to play in it provided we hang out with him and happiest to have his granny sleep in it whenever she is staying over. But he does not want to sleep in it yet! One half of parents we know who’ve recently had their second ask when he’s going to be moved already, the other half just laugh and point out that their older DC ended up in bed with them anyway as soon as they realized the baby was allowed, too! While it would be very convenient to have the baby, boppy and other stuff in the crib, we havea co-sleeper that attaches to the other side of the bed and that goes up to 9 months so we could in theory sleep together for another year. So we haven’t pushed it and aren’t planning to, I think it would backfire. Nor have I been enthusiastic to deal with having to sit up next to DS in his room till he is asleep as opposed to just lying down and relaxing myself or to get up at night to comfort him, I’ve been too exhausted. When he is in his own room, I want him to go to sleep on his own, sleep mostly through the night and come into our room on his own speed when he’s had a nightmare.
We have begun to wean him off the sleep sack so he could get out of bed and walk (he is the kind of sleeper who moves around so much that he is never under the covers so had to wait until spring to do this). As soon as our mornings are more relaxed as of next week, I want to wean him off the bottle – it’s time, I feel we’ve kept it up for convenience really but maybe it’ll upset him more than I expect. And we’ll soon have to switch sides because my growing belly has a growing need for space, and of course I will have to be next to the co-sleeper to nurse, and that may upset him too. Whether it’s a coincidence or not, ever since getting rid of the sleep sack he has been under MY covers to go to sleep, and cuddling up for half the night after reliably sleeping through the night in his crib for months - fine with me except for those little feet and knees boring into my belly, that really hurts and can’t go on.
So far I’ve got it all planned out. But then I am drawing a blank. How do we go on? Do we just put him to bed in his own room at some point? Before the baby is born? After? Do we wait for him to express a need for his own space? While he has shown some tentative interest in sleeping in his own bed “when I’m four!”, it is clear that he is not willing to move out yet. Should we just accept that he is not ready? Just relax and try out being four to a room as long as it is working? What if it doesn’t work for my DH, who is much worse at dealing with sleep interruptons than I am? (I can just see him move out into DS’s room by himself and leave me to deal with both kids at night!).
Thoughts? Experiences? Advice?
