3yo and anxiety behaviors

[srs]

Recently DD has developed some coping methods that I think are anxiety related: she's sucking/chewing on her fingers a lot, and then flapping her arms when she gets upset. Is this one of those normal developmental milestone things, or something to be concerned about? I'm pretty certain that it's due to the stress of having a baby brother, as well as general growing up type stuff - realizing that she is an independent person, etc.

And for the fingers - DD weaned when I was pregnant with DS, and then used a pacifier at night only until about six weeks ago, when she chewed a hole through the last one and I told her that they were gone. She took this pretty well, and seems to sleep better and be more rested without them. Then the finger thing started last week. I'm not sure if there's some residual need to suck that's going on, or she's just doing it because the baby does too. I'm definitely not giving her more pacifiers, but I'm thinking maybe a sippy cup or straw cup might give her something else to chew/suck on? I was going to skip the sippy cup for DS, but maybe we will go shopping and she can pick out one for her and one for DS.

Any BTDT advice appreciated. I'm really trying not to turn the fingers thing into a power struggle, because it drives me nuts, both because she looks weird doing it, and because she's also been touching her bottom/vulva a lot as well. Figuring her immune system can handle it, but I put her training pants back on today anyway. because she's less likely to take those off than undies.

[beachbaby]

Didn't want to read and not respond. It's hard to say if it's something to beyond a typical reaction....My DD (4) experiences lots of anxiety (probably beyond typical) and has oral motor issues, so I undertand the chewing. She has a Chewy Tube (plastic tube made for chewing/oral motor exercises...I think Amazon even carries them now). That might help redirect her chewing on her hands. There are also chewies called Chewelry that might appeal to her, too (bracelets, necklaces, etc.)

The straw idea might help (sucking thick liquids through it might help, too). My DD likes crunching on things too--baby carrots are good.

Hope this helps some.

[mom2happy]

My advice is to ignore it.

My daughter who is now 7 started this type of of behavior around 3 yrs old.
When she would become anxious she would tap her cheeks and spin in a cirlcle. She would do very strange things especially when in a situation she felt pressure.
Her preschool teacher said I should have her evaluated. I followed my instincts and did not. I switched preschools and she felt more comfortable in the new one and stopped doing so much weird stuff. She was painfully shy and inhibited but enjoyed all of the arts and crafts and praise the new teacher gave her.
For kindergarten she was the only child who could not perform at the screening. She started pinching her face and could not talk.
Fortunately the principle said to leave her alone and let her start kindergarten and we would take it from there.
We never had a problem.
She is definitely an extremely sensitive person (smells, touch, sounds, sights)
She becomes overwhelmed all the time. it takes extra work sometimes, but thats just her personality.
In school she does very well in every subject and incredibly artistic.

Ive learned that no child is the same and I try not to over analyze things with her. I repeat- TRY.
Kids do some strange things when they are figuring out who they are and learning how to cope with life. For both of mine 3 yrs old was a big change.
Hope this helps.

[srs]

Thanks, both replies are extremely helpful. Thinking about it later, I realized that she's had some stressors in particular this week (a visit to a preschool she was clearly not ready for, a potty accident that upset her, relatives visiting, etc.). And if the options are let it go or subject her to scrutiny about it (from the pediatrician or whoever), I'm much more inclined to just let it go since it's not really a problem. I did realize that she's had a lot of skin irritation since switching to regular toilet paper, so we're back to cloth wipes and she hasn't been touching her bottom at all anymore.

She has definitely taught me to parent the child you have, and not worry about the rest. Not much of what I thought babies and kids were like has applied to this one, for sure.