another patience thread

[mom61508]

So how many times a day do you lose your cool/patience with your toddler? Obviously some days seem easier than others but lately I feel like Im very short on patience with DD. It makes me feel guilty to say the least

her newest thing is saying no in a very defiant way well maybe not defiant but in a manner like she's really sayin "I'm not listening to you," along with very softly hitting my leg while saying no. I mean she's says no ALL the time in this way Even If I ask her to take one more bite or close the cabinet door or be gentle with the dog or please don't stand so close to the T.V. etc.

I know it's just a phase so it makes me feel really bad when I lose my cool. I started giving "time outs" more for me then her so I don't really freak out on her. Is this a bad idea?

[lyra1977]

I have a hard time with patience some days (ahem, PMS!) but for me it's about behaviors more than the "no" thing...I guess it's just different kids, different moms and the chemistry between us. But whenever I'm doing something (brushing my teeth, folding laundry, doing dishes) she finds a way to get into mischief (eating a board book, putting the toothpaste in the toilet, dumping all of her puzzles on the floor) and even though those are all normal toddler behaviors, I know she's just doing them to get attention because I'm preoccupied and it drives me up the wall sometimes (ahem, PMS). I've never counted how many times I lose my cool on those days, but I'd imagine 5 or 6? But if you stop and think of it, how long does each of those interactions take? Maybe 5 minutes from start to resolution in most cases. And how long are we with them each day? 11 hours or more if you co-sleep. So in the big picture, even on our worst days, we are still having more positive interactions than negative interactions. It's not an excuse for losing patience, just a ...you are human and imperfect and that is OK.

[swd12422]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, too. Karen is right -- not that it's okay to scream and yell every time you get frustrated by your toddler (b/c I've tried that, and trust me, it doesn't do much for either of you!) but that if you lose your cool, you still have LOTS of time during the day (or the next day) to make positive moments as well. Every minute can't be rainbows and sunshine. It just can't.

I have been feeling (for a long time, actually) like I'm "ruining" DS b/c I have such a bad temper and am so low on patience. I am doing my best to keep frustration levels (both mine and his) to a minimum, and I think that if I make a "withdrawal" from the good vibes account with DS by losing it that I just have to concentrate on making an extra good "deposit" along the way. The more I think about making these little moments with DS the fewer outbursts we have, b/c he's getting the attention he needs from me, AND it's "good" attention. It seems so simple, but for me it's been really hard to keep in mind, especially when things get hot so quickly.

[mom61508]

Thanks ladies that makes me feel a lot better. I hadn't even thought about all the positive fun parts that each day brings. And we do co-sleep so that helps. It's so helpful to hear others thoughts it's quite refreshing

thanks mamas

[dauphinette]

Oh, I needed this thread today!

I am just coming off of a month long vacation with only my 2yo dd in tow and today was our first day back as just the two of us, yesterday daddy was home and grandma took dd for awhile as well.
Well, today has not gone well and I think we are both so far out of our routine that we kinda forgot what to do with ourselves and then on top of it this afternoon I decided to make a very stressful phone call when it was about time for her to go down for a nap(why did I do that?!).
Anyway, I had a really bad fifteen minutes of screaming mixed with crying mixed with yelling and a threat to spank her. It was all bad all around.

But tomorrow is a better day waiting to happen and I can do better.

Thanks!

[mom61508]

Originally Posted by dauphinette

Oh, I needed this thread today!

I am just coming off of a month long vacation with only my 2yo dd in tow and today was our first day back as just the two of us, yesterday daddy was home and grandma took dd for awhile as well.
Well, today has not gone well and I think we are both so far out of our routine that we kinda forgot what to do with ourselves and then on top of it this afternoon I decided to make a very stressful phone call when it was about time for her to go down for a nap(why did I do that?!).
Anyway, I had a really bad fifteen minutes of screaming mixed with crying mixed with yelling and a threat to spank her. It was all bad all around.

But tomorrow is a better day waiting to happen and I can do better.

Thanks!

I have so been there

[rightkindofme]

Of course it depends on the day. I am six months pregnant and I have days where it feels like all I do is snap. I objectively know that isn't true... but we hold ourselves to such high standards. On an average day I probably only start raising my voice maybe once. But I do a lot of grinding my teeth and I'm not sure it's better. My dentist doesn't think so.

[Everrgreen]

Ugh, I'm ashamed to admit that just about every day I lose my patience with him at least once. And it pretty much always is dinner time. I'm trying to prepare something - while he is SCREAMING and CRYING. Actually, he does this during every meal I prepare and every snack, but by dinner time is when my patience is gone. He is preverbal, and so his way of telling me he wants to eat is to stand in the kitchen and scream and cry (despite all my attempts to get him to sign, or just remain calm while I get the food). This is why I try and get out of the apartment as much as possible! He is only like this when we are at home, when we are out in public or with other people he is usually so happy and will 'ask' to eat in more reasonable ways.

[lyra1977]

Originally Posted by Gillian28

This is why I try and get out of the apartment as much as possible! He is only like this when we are at home, when we are out in public or with other people he is usually so happy and will 'ask' to eat in more reasonable ways.

My DD is exactly the same. When we are out in public people compliment what an angel she is.